Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

I think of all the things I have done in life to deal with my depression and depression related issues - my relationship with sleep has to be in the top list somewhere.

People who know me tend not to know I have any issues with depression mainly because I have not had an attack of it for years and I am quite happy and content and stable in life. It's a bit like an alcoholic who has not had a drink for 15 years or someone who is diabetic who has never visibly had an issue. They are still an alcoholic/diabetic. But since they have successfully kept on top of it for so long - no one knows/notices and often even find it hard to believe there is a problem if the person mentions it.

But the work to keep on top of it is constant and daily. Some of it is difficult. Some of it is so routine that it's almost instinct. But the work is always there. And even one day of slip can be disaster. I know it's always there and it peeks out just enough every so often to remind me it has not gone away. But I so far have kept it down. I often think of a beautiful line I heard coming from a guy in the homosexual community back in the day they were fighting for right which essentially went "Those who tried to push us down and bury us - did not realize we were seeds". A line that gave me a kind of respect for my depression that it is in many ways similar.

But for me sleep was a huge one as most of my demons and attacks and descent into the darkness came late at night. That is when I was most vulnerable and prone to all kinds of negativity or suffering. So the only thing that worked for me was a complete shift in my sleep schedule. So nowadays I get out of the bed at 4a.m. and go straight for a run regardless of the weather. And I am in bed by 10 most nights.

For me at least this has usurped a huge chunk of the battle ground my old nemesis used to fight and often win on. He is still powerful and I still have to keep him down. But that one move at least knee capped the bugger and let me focus on the other moves / routines / practices in my life that keep him down.

But since sleep is such a foundational thing in my never ending war - the platform that for me is foundational to everything else - I have a lot of deep sympathy and empathy for anyone who is having trouble sleeping. There are so many things that help me sleep and have helped others - so I guess all there is to it is to try them all until you find the one (or combination) that hopefully works for you. I know what works for me - but alas human diversity does have it's downsides and everyone is different.