Dispute over parents ashes

misschoo · 06-12-2022 12:21am #1

Hi sensitive topic here

Parent passed away and was cremated. Two siblings involved who have no relationship. One sibling (2) wants half of the ashes and the other (1) wants to have the ashes buried in a plot and has said that the other sibling can have a small portion (scatter tube) of the ashes. Sibling (2) who wants half has got a solicitor to send a letter to other solicitor requesting half of the ashes. Sibling (1) paid for the funeral and cremation and is nominated next of kin. What is the legality of this situation? Is this something that can be forced to be done? Thanks in advance.

Lenar3556 · 06-12-2022 1:11am

The executor (assuming there was a will) would probably be the person whom would have the responsibility for making decisions surrounding the funeral, burial etc.

Ultimately, if there is a serious enough dispute between the parties, it could end up being determined by the courts.

My advice to the two would be to cop themselves on.

Deeec · 06-12-2022 8:46am

Deepest condolences to both siblings. Why can't sibling 2 be given half the ashes and sibling 1 bury the other half of the ashes. Everyone is happy then.

Why cause hassle over something that can be easily solved.

I'm sure though the solicitors had a giggle over this - this problem is very trivial. - don't let your hate of each other takeover

NUTLEY BOY · 07-12-2022 1:39pm

Offer sibling 2 50% of the ashes when they have contributed 50% to the costs paid by sibling 1 of the funeral and cremation.

The other thing that needs to be buried here is any sense of entitlement...........

Marcusm · 07-12-2022 3:17pm

And these responses show a very one sided approach. Many people (mostly the religious) are appalled at the idea of ashes being divided, shared, incorporated into jewellery etc. it doesn't’ bother me but to suggest that they should be bartered over for money or regarded as property is truly odd. If you don’t have any attachment to them as consisting part of the dead person’s body it might be better just to leave them to be commingled with those of others.

it’s quite possible that the other sibling has an attachment to them which would not be satisfied by a simple division.

Graces7 · 08-12-2022 3:35pm

Feelings run high at a time of deep grief and something so sensitive and so very hard adds to the complexities.. Maybe let time pass .

Spook_ie · 09-12-2022 8:07am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119967059#Comment_119967059

Funeral costs would normally be taken from a deceased's estate before dispersal of rest of estate.

Of course if there were no estate then matters may be different.

ohnonotgmail · 09-12-2022 12:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119973712#Comment_119973712

the idea of paying to receive the ashes of a parent is distasteful in the extreme.

Mellor · 09-12-2022 12:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119967059#Comment_119967059

The ashes are not a reward for paying for the funeral/cremation. They represent the persons life. The sibling thing that they bought they ashes via the funeral is the entitled one imo.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119967476#Comment_119967476

People are entitled to have their views on what should happen at burial/funeral. They don't really have any right to enforce that on others. If the person was truly appalled at the idea of dividing remains, then they would give the entire ashes away. As King Soloman showed.

Mrs OBumble · 09-12-2022 12:37pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119974467#Comment_119974467

In the real world, distasteful or not, funeral directors don't release the ashes until their bill is paid.

And you've no guarantee that the urn you receive contains ashes that came from a particular person's body.

cml387 · 09-12-2022 1:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119974565#Comment_119974565

Er, what?

Allinall · 09-12-2022 1:36pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119974565#Comment_119974565

None of this is true.

Deeec · 09-12-2022 1:37pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119974565#Comment_119974565

Thats complete nonsense - of course the ashes will be given to families before the funeral directors bill is paid ( unless the family is considered dodgy). Its normal for funeral expenses to be paid from the estate of the deceased - it can take months and even up to a year for this to happen. The funeral director is used to the procedure and waits for payment.

Obviously you must think all funeral expenses are paid in advance - not the case at all.

blackbox · 09-12-2022 1:46pm

It never ceases to amaze me the things that people will get into disputes about.

Mellor · 09-12-2022 2:24pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119974565#Comment_119974565

Well that’s incorrect on both count. But regardless, I was referring to receiving the ashes from the estate/family not the funeral home. That should have been obvious

C3PO · 10-12-2022 1:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119974565#Comment_119974565

Is there no subject that you won’t give completely inaccurate opinions on?

TooTired123 · 10-12-2022 4:36pm

This kind of thing keeps Irish solicitors happy.

“ You want me to write pointlessly to your sibling and order him to hand over 1/2 your dead fathers ashes? Sure! That’ll be €100 please! Thanks!”.

Mrs OBumble · 11-12-2022 2:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119979177#Comment_119979177

The post I have made is based on actual experiences of two specific funerals.

If you think that funeral directors wait for years to be paid, you're dreaming. It was made very clear that the person who booked the funeral (me) had to pay,and was reimbursed by the estate in the fullness of time.

ohnonotgmail · 11-12-2022 2:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119983369#Comment_119983369

Funeral directors regularly wait to get paid if an estate has to go through probate.

Deeec · 11-12-2022 2:51pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119983369#Comment_119983369

Mrs O Bumble - this is not the case at all - having arranged funerals of family members myself - the funeral director waited for payment from the deceased estate and put no pressure at all was put on for payment - but they knew they would get it.

In your case the funeral director may have thought they wouldn't end up being paid so demanded payment off you - this wouldnt be normal procedure for a funeral director. I imagine the funeral director maybe wasnt aware of the family or there was good reason to suspect the family wouldnt pay.

Dispute over parents ashes

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