Ex wife new partner

Lgt · 22-12-2022 11:50pm #1

Ex wife has a new partner, we broke up 9 months ago, my decision. She told me tonight that she has met someone. I told her that we will need to set some ground rules regarding the kids and her new partner. She said it is none of my business and the kids won’t be introduced to him for a long time. Called me a hypocrite as I introduced the kids to my girlfriend 6 months ago despite she asked me to wait. I just want the best for my kids and I know they won’t like the new partner especially my oldest. He is too attached to his mother and did not like my girlfriend when introduced to her and he still doesn’t like her but I fear if his mother introduce a new partner he will be devastated. What should I do?

bucketybuck · 22-12-2022 11:52pm

Mind your business, stop being a hypocrite.

Tork · 23-12-2022 2:41am

So why was it ok for you to introduce your kids to your new partner just 3 months after you broke up with their mother? Especially when your ex said it was too soon. I happen to agree with her on that. You gave your children little chance to process the trauma of their parents break up, before you were waving this new woman in their faces. I assume she was on the scene before the split and that's why you had the urge to introduce her so soon? It was way too soon and worse still, you don't seem to have any understanding of what you did to your kids. As for your ex, maybe she is more in tune with what is best for the kids. She's just as entitled to move on with her life as you are. And maybe she will actually keep to her word and take her time before introducing the children to her new man.

Hannibal_Smith · 23-12-2022 7:38am

She said the kids won't be introduced to him for a long time, which is what both of you would want I expect. What more do you want her to do?

Setting ground rules for when the children are told kind of sailed when you went against her wishes. Although it sounds as if she's not using that to be petty and do the same and she is putting the children first.

Isn't that what you want?

Fandymo · 23-12-2022 8:25am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058276767/ex-wife-new-partner

So you want her to do as you say, but ignore what you do?? She’s right, that is very hypocritical. Waiting to introduce the kids seems reasonable, you didn’t wait.

Eldudeson · 23-12-2022 8:50am

Fair play to you for being honest here about introducing your new partner because that doesn't put you in a good light straight away. You say you want the best for your kids and that's the most important thing. I would say that for them to have the best, they need you to be happy, your ex to be happy and for you both to have a good parenting relationship. I would imagine that after splitting only 9 months ago, that's not the easiest thing in the world but stepping back and seeing things from the other persons point of view is always helpful.

Best of luck.

Big Bag of Chips · 23-12-2022 8:50am

What ground rules do you want to set? She has said she's not going to introduce him yet. She didn't even need to tell you that she's with someone. You sound incredibly controlling. It's nothing to do with you. You want what's best for your kids? Yet you introduced them to a new partner 3 months after you left their mother. And now suddenly need to lay down ground rules for her relationship.

You left her. You decided you didn't want to be with her anymore. You don't get to decide anything else about her. She is the primary carer of your children. She sounds very sensible and has decided what's best for your children is not being introduced to a new partner too early. Sounds like she has a better idea of what's best for them than you did/do.

You've moved on. I suggest you allow her to do the same without "setting ground rules". She doesn't need ground rules set.

Pawwed Rig · 23-12-2022 9:02am

This

She said it is none of my business and the kids won’t be introduced to him for a long time.

TheadoreT · 23-12-2022 9:54am

I wouldn't just assume your kids won't like her new partner. You came across super cold in your last thread about the divorce so it doesn't sound like he has too much to live up to in terms of being a positive role model for them.

MarkR · 23-12-2022 9:59am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058276767/ex-wife-new-partner

If you're only concern is that the kids won't like the new partner, that's her problem, not yours. You met someone. Fine She met someone. Not fine? Even you putting the best spin on it doesn't make sense. Let her live her life and keep a good relationship with your kids and as good as you can with your ex.

JoChervil · 23-12-2022 10:28am

The fact that your ex wife has a new partner is a problem for you, not your kids. You are jealous. And I think on many levels: that your wife might be happier than you, that your kids might like her new guy, etc. Let her live her life. You left her, so suck it up.

Goodigal · 23-12-2022 10:30am

Sounds to me like you don't like the fact she's met someone else. She said the kids don't need to meet him. So what business is it of yours? She was being courteous by letting you know.

Do your fatherly duties and leave your ex to get on living her life. You've obviously been doing so. It's ok for her to do so too.

23-12-2022 11:29am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058276767/ex-wife-new-partner

shes right

Unsupervised · 23-12-2022 1:37pm

Still trying to dictate how your ex wife’s conducts her life.

You ending the marriage was a blessing in disguises for her.

Should be a red flag for your new gf.

Alonzo Mosley · 23-12-2022 2:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120028820#Comment_120028820

Would you ever stop, you know nothing about the OP or his ex wife. Granted it was him who ended the marriage and you have no idea why; so what's all this blessing in disguise sh**e. OP you have every right to know who is being introduced into your childrens' lives but be clever about it.

Get as much information in a nice way from your ex, don't be blinded into thinking they won't like him, he might be a good guy. Ask the kids themselves how they are feeling. There is nothing you can do regarding who you wife brings into their lives but be there so listen and support them.

Best of luck hope it all goes well.

Unsupervised · 23-12-2022 3:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120029107#Comment_120029107

lol

Guy tell ex wife to not introduce the new boyfriend while he himself introduces his girlfriend to kids even when she asks him not to.

What do you know about the OP besides he’s a hypocrite with superiority issues.

“Do as I say, not what I do” don’t cut it these days,

The ex wife owes the op no explanation into her new relationship.

HazeDoll · 23-12-2022 4:22pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120029107#Comment_120029107

We do know why he ended it. There was a thread on the subject. He is not the hero of this story in any sense.

mykrodot · 23-12-2022 8:33pm

I am delighted your wife has found a new partner, a new love! Maybe now you will realise she is not that dull , not the uninteresting, not that unsexy ( I read your previous thread a few months ago on how much you despise her). Someone else obviously appreciates her a lot more than you did. She also sounds mature, sensible and even though she has a new partner she is not parading him around in front of your children, something you should be very thankful for. She has thought about this.

Alonzo Mosley · 23-12-2022 8:43pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120029208#Comment_120029208

No explanation !!! Are you mad??? So it's ok if she pops out and leaves the kids with a nutjob?

If you were in the same situation would you be ok leaving your kids with someone you know absolutely nothing about. It doesn't matter what OP has done in the past whether he ended it or not. As he says "I just want the best for my kids". Maybe you don' t have kids .....

23-12-2022 8:48pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120030030#Comment_120030030

I am in the same boat , suck it up and keep the kids happy and ensure they always feel wanted

Unsupervised · 23-12-2022 8:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120030030#Comment_120030030

Comical.

Now turn it around.

Do you think its ok for the OP to leave the kids with his “Nutjob” girlfriend?

Put your feet in the wife’s shoes…If you were in the same situation would you be ok leaving your kids with someone you know absolutely nothing about.

Are You saying that the wife doesn’t want the best for her kids after her husband walked out on her even though the OP stated she is the primary career?

Seems like you as well as the OP think that only one side of the relationship are allowed to move on.

Maybe you don’t have kids….

Big Bag of Chips · 23-12-2022 9:06pm

@Alonzo Mosley and @Unsupervised you are not regular posters in the Personal/Relationship Issues forum so I would ask you to please read The Forum Charter before posting again. We have a very specific charter in this forum.

All replies in this forum are expected to be directed to the OP and offer mature constructive advice. Getting into over and back argument with other posters does nothing to help an OP who is looking for advice.

Zak Flaps · 25-12-2022 3:30am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058276767/ex-wife-new-partner

Your wife is correct, you are a hypocrite.

I also think you are very jealous. You don't like that she has found someone else and is now happier without you. It's a big hit to your ego.

You came across very badly to me in your previous thread where you seemed extremely eager to let us know on almost every post how much you hated your wife.

You can't handle criticism either. On that last thread, once the heavy criticism started against you, you stopped replying and ran for the hills. You've done the very same thing here after one post. I think it's time to take a good long look in the mirror.

marilynrr · 25-12-2022 4:51am

Unbelievable.

Reminds me of my ex. Introduced the kids to someone after seeing her for a very short time (around a week) but then had the cheek to tell me he would expect to grill a man if I introduced him to the kids.

You introduced this woman 3 months after splitting up with their mother, that was a time when your kids were at their most vulnerable, when all of the experts would say NOT to introduce anyone new, and also common sense would tell you that so to say you only want the best for the kids doesn't really add up.

Just read your previous thread, you said you intended to have the kids stay with you every second weekend and an evening during the week, oh wow, no doubt the groundrules would be along the lines of she should only have the boyfriend staying in the house when the kids aren't there!

I know they won’t like the new partner especially my oldest. He is too attached to his mother and did not like my girlfriend when introduced to her and he still doesn’t like her but I fear if his mother introduce a new partner he will be devastated.

He probably didn't like her because the break up was so fresh, within 3 months of you leaving his mother. He probably got a huge shock at that vulnerable time. You handled it completely wrong which is probably why he doesn't like her, or perhaps he just would never have clicked with her anyway.

Absolutely no reason to assume that because he didn't like your girlfriend that he wouldn't like her boyfriend. That's a huge leap. He could be very happy to see his mother moving on and with a smile on her face. Your ex will probably handle it far more sensitively than you have, there's no reason to assume she won't.

Still stihl waters 3 · 25-12-2022 6:15am

Your eldest will have to learn to deal with it, as will you

25-12-2022 10:53am

When a marriage breaks up, regardless of who may have been at fault, kids aren't naturally judgemental towards either parent. Maybe they do become that way a bit later with experience, knowledge, maturity, etc, but initially probably not.

The thing is that when one parent introduces them to a new partner, it kind of cements the idea in their heads that the split is permanent and their parents will never live together with you as a family unit under the same roof again. I suppose it depends on how old the OP's kids are but even for adult offspring it's not a nice thought and takes time to process.

I'm very much in agreement with the mother here but can't help but feel the damage has already been done by the OP anyway.

Big Bag of Chips · 25-12-2022 12:18pm

3 off topic posts deleted. 2 accounts forum banned for being a duplicate account.

25-12-2022 8:27pm

It should be a positive that another man has arrived on the scene to take all her shít. That should be a godsend. A huge step in your own personal liberation. But you can't see it.
I'd be far more bothered if I were paying the mortgage on a home to which the ex is bringing some evidently desperate man back (With all the childless women, who else but a desperate man would hook up with a woman with kids?). That's a kick in the goolies, a very public humiliation. Imagine how she would feel if she had to pay the mortgage on the accommodation to which you bring your new woman back?

Big Bag of Chips · 25-12-2022 8:54pm

@[Deleted User] there's a whole lot of guesswork and presumption in your post that adds nothing to the thread. Please read the Forum Charter before posting in Personal Issues again.

amdublin · 28-12-2022 8:02pm

Read over what you have said what your ex wife did and what you said you did. And how you reacted when she told you.

Can't you see how much of a big ol hypocrite your actions are displaying you to be?

Ex wife new partner

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