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deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 2:03pm #1

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Augme · 26-12-2022 2:49pm

Have you ever considered an open relationship?

Donald Trump · 26-12-2022 2:52pm

I would be wary of investing too much of myself into that if I was you given the disparity

Jim_Hodge · 26-12-2022 3:06pm

50+ sexual partners in 4 years? I doubt she's for a long term relationship.

893bet · 26-12-2022 3:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120034915#Comment_120034915

Definitely not “normal”.

Tread carefully. She may not be for settling down.

YellowLead · 26-12-2022 3:14pm

I wouldn’t be worried about your differing sexual histories - but I would be worried about your own lack of experience with relationships.

It seems everything so far has been on her terms and not yours - you wanted more than causal but that didn’t suit her, now she wants a relationship and you are going along with this idea, despite wanting more than just a long distance one.

I feel like this has you getting hurt written all over it.

If I were you - I’d keep things casual - meet up and enjoy the sex and company when the opportunity presents itself - but get out there and date others and you have a shot of finding somebody who is free to spend more time with you and have a real relationship.

This was a fantastic experience for you - it can be tough for people to have confidence if they hit late 20s with no experience. But it doesn’t mean the buck has to stop here.

deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 3:17pm

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deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 3:18pm

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Buddy Bubs · 26-12-2022 3:39pm

Going by those numbers and what she has said about casual and what you are saying about your insecurities and your desire for commitment, this is not going to work. You're setting yourself up to be crushed.

50+ partners in 4 years is not usual, that's a new partner every month. That's not going to stop.

rolling boh · 26-12-2022 3:43pm

Unless you would be happy with just a bit of fun with this woman now and then which seems not the case you will be far better forgetting about her and you ever being together .How she behaves is her buiness but for me clearly points to her not being interested in a full time relationship and you would be wasting your time hanging around in the vain hope she will change and hook up fulltime with you .

deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 3:46pm

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deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 3:50pm

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bucketybuck · 26-12-2022 3:51pm

Independent, attractive, works all around the country, large friend network, prefers casual relationships, has an extremely high sex drive, openly states she has fucked dozens of lads in a short period of time.

Good for her.

But she is going to destroy your self esteem and leave you an insecure mess. How can you possibly think you are the only person she is currently ****.

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Warning for Breach of Charter. Civil and well phrased advice please.

deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 3:54pm

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Larbre34 · 26-12-2022 3:56pm

50 sexual partners for any person, over any span of life, is atypical. I hesitate to say 'not normal', because whatever number of consenting encounters is normal for that person, if thats what they want to do.

Leaving that aside though, it does sound like there is quite a disparity between you as people altogether. Be prepared for her to be able to move on much quicker and cleaner if it comes to that.

deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 4:00pm

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26-12-2022 4:05pm

She was in a relationship from 18-26 and has spent the following four years having fun.

Nothing remotely unusual about that.

She was upfront with you and said he didn't want anything serious. She has since changed her mind and there's no reason she'd have done that if she wasn't serious about a committed relationship - she'd have just carried on as things were.

As for the differing sexual experiences, she's obviously happy with that side of things if she's still around and interested in something more than casual. Don't get bogged down by that, it'll only become an issue if you let it.

deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 4:06pm

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Hannibal_Smith · 26-12-2022 4:10pm

After enquiring a few times about the type of relationship we had throughout the summer she made it clear that because of the nature of her work she was only interested in something casual.

She's made it clear she's only interested in something casual. That's what she wants.

And in her previous relationship which lasted 8 years I fully believe she was 100% committed in that too

She couldn't have been 100% committed to it. She's only 27, ended a committed relationship at 26 but spend the last four years with 50 guys.

She's made it clear to you she's after something casual, so worrying about sexual differences causing an issue between you both is futile. She's not after anything serious.

deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 4:10pm

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deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 4:18pm

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airy fairy · 26-12-2022 4:30pm

You're both at different stages in your relationship. You want casual,let's be honest, she wants commitment. Until you come to meet in the middle, your head is always going to wander. You need to be emotionally mature to decide not to explore other partners without thinking the whatifs, or feeling inadequate.

How do feel about this question, regardless of her commitment. Are you ready to stick with one partner, for potentially the rest of your life?

Mongfinder General · 26-12-2022 4:34pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035030#Comment_120035030

This. And she’s thirty. Clock ticking and she’s running out of options for a long term relationship. You’re not the one. You’re not even her first or second choice. It’s just your turn.

Rich Cooper wrote a book - the Alpha Male. Please read this. You may not agree with all of what he wrote but it will give you a better perspective.

deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 4:45pm

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deepcoverincognito · 26-12-2022 4:58pm

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Hannibal_Smith · 26-12-2022 5:04pm

Mod Note

@donald Trump if you want a discussion on the difference in attitudes towards sexual partners, there are other places on boards for that. Either advise the OP or don't post.

@wotzgoingon you've been around PI long enough to know you either post constructive advice to an OP, or don't post.

@Oscar Madison welcome to PI, posters here are asked to an advise an OP when replying to their thread. There's enough in the OP to go on.

Off topic have been removed. If anyone is unsure about how to postnin PI/RI please read the Charter before posting.

HS

magic17 · 26-12-2022 5:41pm

At 27, I think it's worth seeing where it leads. Long distance is difficult and eventually something will have to change if you both want to make a serious go at settling down together but for now why not enjoy it and see what happens - time is on your side here. Make the most of the time you spend together and by the sounds of it most of that time will be spent in bed - how bad!

However, I would say just don't get too attached either, she may very well be one of these types that will never settle down. Having been there myself, it's going to hurt a lot if you have this ideal future in your head if she decides it's not for her. Give it another 6-12 months and see what happens in that time. The signs are good if she has already pushed for something more serious with you despite the long distance.

As for the sexual experiences, you're obviously doing something right if she wants to keep you around having been with 50+ men in 4 years so I would take that as a huge confidence boost. The grass isn't always greener, trust me, if you're enjoying things in bed with her and having sex regularly then that's great. If it doesn't work out in 6-12 months then you have all the time in the world to experience other people.

cagefactor · 26-12-2022 5:56pm

Run a mile, start ghosting or suffer the consequences. Her job is a lifestyle which is hard to break and she will cheat on you when she's away as that is the lifestyle.

I've done this job before, travelling away to every god forsaken place, the lifestyle is drinking & shagging.

Idle Passerby · 26-12-2022 7:09pm

I don't know your girlfriend so I obviously can't know if this theory has any weight but perhaps she's saying she wants a relationship now because she doesn't actually have to commit to one. She'll be abroad. She can say your a couple but do whatever she likes when your not there and you'll be there waiting when she gets back. Even if that's not the case, with your anxiety/jealousy it seems a bad idea.

Calahonda52 · 26-12-2022 7:52pm

Op,

this the piece that bothers me

.....Also, one of the desires of a relationship that I have is to spend the majority of free time together.

I do have my own hobbies and interests but would definitely be less independent than her, she has a large active friend network whereas I do not.......

even if you do get to live together at some point, this difference will impact the relationship.

She doesn't sound like someone who would naturally be the supportive partner where the other party is dependent on her.

Now, when you are together and not in bed, what do you do?

Eg, who controls the TV remote or are you both just on your phones?

If you eat out, who decides where you go?

When you are in bed, who initiates the action, which I gather could be several times a night?

The other point here is that humans are meaning making machines so all that stuff about jealousy etc is all made up

TheadoreT · 26-12-2022 10:01pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035039#Comment_120035039

There seems to be a bit of a disparity between your apparent 100% trust in her here and you mentioning jealousy a lot. What exactly are you jealous of? Why do you go quiet on her often?

The whole thing just feels off if I'm honest. And I think deep down your gut is telling you similar

Miadhc · 26-12-2022 10:10pm

She's been with 50 different Blokes in 4 years. You need to run my friend. That's not ok. No way I would be in a relationship with any woman with those numbers.

Hannibal_Smith · 26-12-2022 10:42pm

Thread closed at OPs request

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