Keep it to yourself or tell your OH

There is an argument to made that a relationship must have a grounding in trust. That to keep that aspect, that of course one should tell.

I don't agree at all with that. If there is no trail, path or prospect of word of the affair leaking? Then a lie of omission, while still a lie serves a purpose in keeping the relationship. It lets the partner cheated on have faith in the relationship and whilst the cheater gets his cake and eats it?

Rebuilding trust us nigh on impossible, being the one to announce that you've broken that trust but it's okay, as you're honest and you want to stay? After knocking every bit of confidence and faith your partner may have had in the relationship completely out of her?

It's far easier to live with the lie, than to shatter and rebuild.

Oh pm. There are many out there.

In relationships I have tunnel vision. With you and that's it (still have eyes though).

I'd prefer to be dumped than cheated on.

If only life were so simple and absolute, all of the time.

Long term relationships go through good times and bad, stresses and strains, times of happiness and contentment. We all know that.

There is no telling what circumstances may have led to an affair, or even to a single episode of infidelity. Loneliness, frustration, boredom. Anxiety, isolation, depression and aimlessness. Maybe illness, disease or post partum injury.

I've never once cheated on my wife, but I did cheat in more casual relationships in my youth. Would I never cheat on my wife? I can't say no, because I'm a human, not a computer and I don't have a crystal ball either.

If a person has cheated, and is wracked with guilt or self-loathing, or the circumstances of their relationship has changed and people can be protected, then yes, lying about it and covering it up to protect the relationship and other people, children perhaps, is acceptable, perhaps even a kindness.

Its a betrayal, its not something easy forgiven, but forgiveness is possible, even if it is only to oneself.

I hate to be the one to tell you, but this is the World in which you live. People make decisions that may be the lesser of two, or more, evils.

Would anyone really keep it completely to themselves though? Are they more likely to confide in a best friend, or sibling, etc?

What if it was not an affair but a drunk complete random 1 night thing in a foreign country or something ,

So there is no way you'll ever see the person again & the husband really & truly regrets it & would never dream about doing anything like that again

Would you want to know ?

Iv no idea what the answer should be ,

If you're in a committed monogamous relationship and you f8kc up and cheat, not telling your partner is not a kindness, its a cop out. The only one it serves to protect is the cheater. If you're willing to cheat, you're willing to ruin the relationship.

Tell them and let them do with that what they will. At least give them the respect to make their own decisions. Some may forgive and move on some may not. When you cheated you took that risk, now live with it.

Kind of depends though. Sometimes leaving is not really an option for the person who was cheated on. If you're talking about a zero responsibility relationship with no real ties, then I'm with you. But if you're talking about two people with very young kids, a sole earner in the house, two mortgages and a dog to feed sometimes (unfortunately) dropping that bombshell can only ruin their lives a bit more.

The question is way too basic. It's impossible to answer without specific context, story, history, and details of the affair. I mean straight away are we talking about a Christmas party kiss on the same night they lost their job and shat themselves from drinking too much, or are we talking about a 6 month romance with weeks away on "work trips".