Too old to be a parent?

funkey_monkey · 21-01-2023 6:17pm #1

As per the title - generally speaking how is too old to be a father?

Due to depression and social issues I am worried might have left it too late.

kerryjack · 21-01-2023 6:44pm

53 here and the youngest is 5 a real beauty and live wire, full of life and love. 3 older lads that would only grunt at you when passing. When you have a 5 year old you don't feel old, you don't act old.

Wezz · 21-01-2023 7:08pm

No one can answer that question for you. Depends on your attitude and general health I think. I know older men with kids who have been given a new lease of life and others who are struggling. What age are you ?

funkey_monkey · 21-01-2023 9:30pm

I'm mid 40's. In good health. Single though.

funkey_monkey · 21-01-2023 11:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120139656#Comment_120139656

I'm in good health - exercise regularly. Regular check up and all is clear. Whilst I don't know what's in my future healthwise I'd say I'm as good if not better that many around my age. No smoking or drinking, processed foods, etc. Active, etc. Good job and money in the bank.

I just wonder about my age in relation to what sort of life a child would have with an older father and on top of that the risk of baby having problems due to my age at conception. Would a health check be able to tell me if I'm suitable to be a father?

Big Bag of Chips · 22-01-2023 12:04pm

You can get a semen analysis done that will tell you your sperm count and sperm motility (ability to 'swim'). You could also get genetic testing done to see if you are a carrier of any genetic condition. This would all cost money however. And is probably not really a consideration until/unless you are in a relationship. You could request the tests privately. Your first stop should probably a chat with your GP.

kerryjack · 22-01-2023 12:46pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120140499#Comment_120140499

Your over thinking that part of it the biggest problem that you have at the minute is you don't have a long term partner that's comited to bringing a child in to the world.

xeniane · 22-02-2023 3:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120140499#Comment_120140499

do a prior-ttc check up to see whether there are any issues. Egg quality is women is a more important factor here than sperm quality. And while age is one of the important factors in planning, some younger men might experience more issues that you in your 40+.

Water John · 22-02-2023 5:52pm

Jon Snow is 75 and has a two year old child. OP has plenty time.

Hotblack Desiato · 25-03-2023 8:27pm

I was born at the start of the 1970s, my father was 50 (as a widower, his second family) my mother was 45. Maternal age is much more of an issue than paternal age. Although the average parental age has been moving up quite a bit in recent years, it was always the norm in Irish "large families" that the youngest kids would be born to mothers in their 40s and fathers possibly more. We've all heard the stories about a farmer who married a much younger woman quite late in life and didn't seem to have any problem producing...

AndrewJRenko · 26-03-2023 11:52am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120276257#Comment_120276257

Jon Snow may well have access to supporting resources that the OP doesn't have. Ability to conceive isn't the huge issue here. Ability to parent a baby and toddler through the demanding early years is the issue - OP will be exhausted for the next 10-20 years if he takes this on.

Water John · 26-03-2023 1:52pm

Ah go away, OP is in his mid forties.

26-03-2023 2:38pm

Im mid 50s have have 2. 12 and 9.

Wouldn't change it for the world 😁

Hotblack Desiato · 26-03-2023 10:37pm

Early childhood years are exhausting but that's true at any parental age - and it doesn't last long, once they're off bottles and can wipe their own arse you're well away 😉

Some have said that kids keep you young and there's probably truth in that.

Anyway we decided that enough was enough when we were both 40, I was lined up for the snip but it turned out that No.2 was a caesarean so, as previously discussed, -clip- -clip- job done while he was in there so to speak. I stood up to get a grandstand view of the whole proceedings and they tried to make me sit down in case I'd faint 🙄 as if. It's funny that they'd think the caesarean was too horrific to watch but my first-born exploding outwards vaginally and the damage caused was just fine.

26-03-2023 10:56pm

y mother (father 39) had me at 41, lost first child to influenza, 2 interim miscarriages, Mum was tiny but healthy until 89 apart from osteoporosis, died as a result of hospital acquired infection when in for management of vertebra fracture. Dad died aged 79 entirely from smoking related cause, other non-smoking siblings way outlived him, one going strong at 92.

Growing up with older parents, I think, provoked an intelligent, enquiring aspect. Older parents have better insight into the world, offer a better understanding of it, and emotionally both my parents could not have been better people at understanding me. I was an only child and house was transferred before parents’ death to save some emotional and practical impact. To this day I appreciate what they did.

Also my Mum was really good fun!

Picture a couple of weeks before she died fairly unexpectedly. Up there on a wee holiday in Donegal, having been that year to Vienna for 89th birthday, Santiago de Compostela, Zurich (bit of a joke about a one way ticket), Donegal.. with lots of other places on the horizon. Elderly parents/grandparents can be just great! No matter what ability or not.,

Hotblack Desiato · 27-03-2023 12:04am

I'd hope to be enjoying life right up until the end too 😉

Water John · 28-03-2023 8:55am

David Jason had a child at 61.

https://www.breakingnews.ie/entertainment/david-jason-delighted-to-get-to-know-daughter-he-did-not-know-existed-1454256.html

28-03-2023 9:06am

The older you are the more likely the child will be born with a mental illness or autism. There's plenty of research online if you google it.

Even if there's no history of it in the family. This goes for the father as well as the mother.

witchgirl26 · 24-05-2023 10:40am

My dad started having kids at 40 & I was born when he was 50. Granted he couldn't do the same amount of running around with me as I got a bit older than some younger parents but it's nothing that's impacted me long term. My mam was 34 when I was born so there was a bit of an age difference there in the more favourable for having kids side.

I'd focus more on finding a partner first then worrying about leaving it too late to have kids. Otherwise you're going into dates etc with that hanging over you & it could be a bit intimidating.

Supercell · 24-05-2023 10:49am

I'm 52 and father of three, youngest being 7 so was in my mid 40's when she arrived. Wouldn't change it for the world.

A parent's love never runs out or has limits (well apart from when they do something bold and drive you nuts) but on the whole..., thats what they need the most. Whether i'll feel the same when they are teenagers is another matter, but each day as it comes!

DownByTheGarden · 24-05-2023 11:05am

My parents were 51 and 30 when I was born. None of us ever gave it a thought.

GerardKeating · 24-05-2023 11:08am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120140053#Comment_120140053

I was 46 when my first kid was born.

brokenbad · 24-05-2023 11:15am

Robert De Niro became a father again recently at the ripe old age of 79....

24-05-2023 11:18am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120634852#Comment_120634852

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

micks_address · 24-05-2023 11:21am

i dunno... various views on this.. we had our kids while in early 20s and they young adults now meaning we are sort of getting our lives back but then others say well you had no 20s as you had kids.. in theory we can enjoy our freedom in the next 20 years if health and wealth allows for it.. no one size fits all id say

bladespin · 24-05-2023 11:26am

I'm 48 and have a 1 year old, best decision we ever made, we have 2 older boys and their baby years seemed to pass by in a blink so we're making the most of every second this time round. Life's exhausting at times anyway, might as well be exhausted and smiling.

taxAHcruel · 24-05-2023 11:36am

44 and recently became a father for the 4th time.

Much comes down to what you feel you want to achieve as a parent and whether you feel you can do so at your age.

From a parenting perspective - I see nothing at all to suggest that becoming a parent in your 40s or even later is a bad thing. Only you can answer it really.

People who try to convince you otherwise - will often latch on to something they assume (often falsely) you will be incapable of doing because of your age. Or that is actually all that important to parenting at all - when it often isn't.

Moonbeam · 18-06-2023 12:07am

I think age matters less as a father then a mother. I think the advantages are that you have lived your life , had a lot of your career and most probably own your forever home . You will also be retired when the kid is a teen and will have way more time for them then if you were young .

Too old to be a parent?

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