Separation, Some advice please, to start me off on the right path.

Parky23 · 29-01-2023 3:09pm #1

I've been following the very good threads here and soon my wife and I will be separating so I'd like to ask for some advice.

We both acknowledge that things have run their course with our relationship so we both want to separate with as little trauma for everyone.

My situation thankfully isn't as complicated as others but I need to try and get a feel for it before I start the journey. I just would like to know what's realistic just to be able to move things along as smoothly as possible.

I've 2 kids, my son is turning 19, living at home and doing leaving cert, he hopes to move abroad and study in the Autumn.

My daughter is in college, she's living at home and will be 23 soon, one more year of college left after this year.

The house is worth about 600K and the mortgage is cleared.

My wife works 20 hrs per week and earns 33k , I work about 50 hrs per week and earn 85K.

I have 200K saved in my pension fund, my wife has about 20k in hers.

My wife already received about 100k from her parents estate and I received a similar amount as help from mine which we used to pay off our mortgage. In the future I would expect about €300k from my parents estate,

There are no other assets or bills.

I'm hoping that later this year we can agree to a separation, start to sell the house and hopefully agree to a mutually acceptable division of the assets while noting the support that we'll give our kids to finish their education. If we can both draft something that mutually acceptable, both co-sign and lodge with our own solicitors and use this as a guideline?

If the kids are over 18 and would be offered a place in both new houses and supported in their education can I expect that there would be no obstacle to selling the family home?

After selling the house, we could hopefully both separately buy a place of our own. I've no bother sharing my assets fairly.

I don't know what the done thing is regarding pension or future inheritances or would there be an expected level of maintenance.

Thanks in advance for any advice, I might be totally overlooking some important things, even a few short pointers of advice about the main issues would be really appreciated as it would help me to start out on the right foot.

XsApollo · 30-01-2023 12:04am

future inheritances should be yours provided ye are separated or divorced.

the pension she has rights to that , but she can waive them.

at the End of the day the only obstacle to doing anything with both your assets, pensions etc…. Are yourselves.

if ye both agree to do everything in your post then it isn’t a problem.

it doesn’t really matter about the details with your kids and whatever else if ye both agree to do whatever ye agree to.

it gets complicated if ye don’t agree and that’s where the trouble starts and courts get involved.

Just one more point after reading your post again, that you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.

i presume everything would go nice and smooth if you left everything to her and just left or vice versa, but that’s not going to happen considering the value of your assets and pension.

i have been through this myself , not with anything like the value of things you have , but I did just leave everything ( a house with a tiny mortgage compared to value) so there was pretty much nothing to disagree about.

first of all you need to know what is acceptable to you?

is everything down the middle 50-50 ok with you?

Senature · 30-01-2023 12:48am

In terms of income, you should really focus on take home pay rather than gross pay. Also bear in mind that once both your kids have finished school your wife could presumably increase her working hours and therefore her wages.

Try to agree to split college fees, accommodation, living and medical / dental expenses for your kids in a similar ratio to both of your expected take home pay.

If either child is likely to live with their mum full-time while still in education, offer to pay her a contribution towards their utilities/food. €50 a week per child should be plenty.

It sounds like you are already planning to divide the proceeds of the house evenly. Remember there will be legal fees, estate agents fees etc to deduct.

That leaves the pensions. In my opinion the imbalance here needs to be addressed.

Also, even if all seems reasonable so far between you, get some good advice from a well regarded solicitor who specialises in family law.

Senature · 30-01-2023 12:54am

Also to add, future inheritance shouldn't even be discussed, you will no longer be married, and there's no certainty of what you may inherit anyway. You both sign away your inheritance rights from the other as part of the divorce.

Do not offer to pay your wife maintenance for herself. She is a working woman with an income, not your dependent.

Girl Geraldine · 01-02-2023 1:02pm

Agreeing something is all well and good, but only to the extent that she continues to honour the agreement indefinitely. She could still come back in 10 or 20 years time and lay claim to more, saying she got an unfair deal with your prior agreement. Could potentially even allege that she only agreed to it because she was co-erced and in fear of you.

For example, if she lost her job or fell on hard times, she could come after you again for to divide your wealth a second time.

This is why I always recommend letting the court decide who gets what. But even then, that can be appealed at any time.

My point is this - there is no such thing as a full and final divorce settlement. Everything can be re-challenged and claims laid decades later. One could argue that there is no such thing as divorce, because there is always a residual connection and obligation.

Dial Hard · 01-02-2023 1:36pm

While the above is technically correct,the courts tend to take a very dim view of "second bite of the cherry" attempts. They will tend to view whatever is agreed in the separattion/divorce agreement as the full and final "settlement" unless there is a drastic change in someone's circumstances and even then, they'll take into account how much time has passed since, how an amended agreement will affect the respondent, etc. etc.

For example, I walked away from our house, my husband's very lucrative army pension - everything - when we split. He has since remarried and I'm currently unemployed. If I decided tomorrow "Do you know what, I think I made a mistake, and also he has way more money now and I'm broke, I think I'll go after a wedge", I'd be laughed out of court, and rightly so. In fact, I doubt my solicitor would even take on the brief.

The fact of the matter is that in the vast, vast majority of cases, the agreement reached between both parties is what stands. In fact, the only cases I know of where maintenance orders were revisited were (successful) applications to have the agreed amount revised downwards due to changes in circumstances.

Girl Geraldine · 01-02-2023 1:56pm

I know what you mean, but the person with more assets would be forever living with one eye looking over their shoulder just in case the other decided the did want to break out and go for the extra wedge.

It could happen.

Dial Hard · 01-02-2023 4:30pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120187697#Comment_120187697

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120186890#Comment_120186890

Could =/= likely and I'm not sure there's much to be gained by scaring the bejaysis out of our OP, who sounds like a very decent skin!

OP, get yourself a good family law solicitor, they'll know how to make whatever agreement you and your ex come to as watertight as possible.

Good luck with everything and try not to listen to the doomsayers on here. Not saying GG is one, btw, but there are a few and they'd have you believe that every divorce in Ireland is state-sanctioned male rape. It's perfectly possibly to come out of it with a happy ending.

Separation, Some advice please, to start me off on the right path.

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