What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland · 31-01-2023 11:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120184847#Comment_120184847

Perfectly acceptable at night, especially when drunk or hungover.

Also acceptable when one just requires a little “time out” from the hustle and bustle of life in a house with others and no privacy.

31-01-2023 11:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120184957#Comment_120184957

I’d suggest the general tone of the etiquette thread is to be who you want to be, pal. If that means retiring to a well appointed trap to go for a sit-down piss and some Wordle then knock yourself out.

Count Dracula · 01-02-2023 2:09am

I sit down piss when and where I can. It is dead handy and saves a lot of hassle.

Except if I am boozing, then I quite enjoy peeing into the urinal and or porcelain wall in front. I quite enjoy the farting muttering piss taking that often ensues and feel a great sense of comradery with my fellow drinkers and peers. I succinctly enjoy gawking at other willies on display just to see how everyone is measuring up. I might add that i do not stare or overly examine other peeing willies, it is just a small glance over or discreet side eye, unless I catch one peeing fervently and I am suffering mild stage fright, this can and does get you going. It happens to the best of us. Try not to make fellow peers feel uncomfortable by staring at them, it is very counterproductive and anyone who has suffered stage fright in the past will be aware that it is dreadfully contagious. Be nice out there guys.

But in a domestic scenario it is sit down all the way, it saves a lot of work at clean up time - I piss like a riot squad water canyon btw, so it really makes more sense to avoid spraying my shoes and ruining the seat for the next in. If I am on my own and there is a mirror available I will always take this opportunity to talk to myself and maybe go a bit Travis Bickle for a minute or so, followed by some minor shadow boxing or maybe practice my psycho face?

I might add that people who stand when peeing domestically and do not clean up afterwards are the greatest shower of lazy, dirty great big phucking arseholes who deserve to be taken away and shot in the morning? Being drunk is zero excuse, I have always managed to keep my peeing etiquette when hammered. If you are properly hoylixed you should not be able to move and should be basically rambling the street outside, uncontrollably vomiting absolutely everywhere suffering severe dizziness coinciding with a great feeling of achievement after each projectile? Just clean up after seat tinkling ya filthy chunts, please.

Slideways · 01-02-2023 5:22am

Do you take a tissue and jab gently at your japseye after pissing sitting down?

Brendan Bendar · 01-02-2023 8:21am

Those drunken fcukers who waddle up to the pisser beside you, haul out a lump of meat like a bacon hock, then lean back with their hands behind their head while the spray of pïss covers about three wall units either side.!!

Then they leave everyone dashed with ‘coins of the realm’ and walk out themselves, no hand wash, no fork all, with the front of the strides totally peppered with ‘forget-me- nots.

Kernts should be forced into a sit down pïss to protect fellow users.

Hoop66 · 01-02-2023 10:13am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120184847#Comment_120184847

Better a seated piss than a standing shite.

cj maxx · 01-02-2023 11:33am

Theres a reason women don’t go to the toilet as often as men . Pissing standing up only half empties your tank. Grand in the pub , but for a good draining at home a sit down is the ONLY way to go.

You the man · 01-02-2023 11:53am

Are we into 'squatty potty' territory again?

EmmetSpiceland · 01-02-2023 12:20pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120184957#Comment_120184957

You not The Man?

cj maxx · 01-02-2023 12:28pm

af a coffee so on the throne now. I had 2 packets of dry roasted peanuts yesterday. And that’s what my log smells of. Even from here

StevenToast · 01-02-2023 12:39pm

Beware the dangers of the "piss horn" when taking a seated piss....

Many a bleary eyed night i'd piss the back of my knees with a semi.....

leupold90 · 01-02-2023 12:47pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120186579#Comment_120186579

'Superman Position' is required here.

One arm balancing, the other straight out in front - and one leg straight out behind. The effect is that horn is directed down near-vertical. Front arm may be required to assist in aiming though. Might sound complicated but it works. Just not when drunk.

leupold90 · 01-02-2023 12:50pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120185571#Comment_120185571

Aye, and often they'll lean the head against the wall which only brings them closer resulting in a fine layer of dew over the kaks & shirt.

01-02-2023 2:48pm

Tipping the teapot I believe it’s known as.

Count Dracula · 01-02-2023 7:01pm

The Superman.

Fantastic observation on a global morning time routine.

Thanks.

It begs the question how there has never been an appropriate apparatus invented to reduce cistern spray and back of seat ammonia stains. I was thinking some sort of disposable u tube?

Actually come to think of it possibly not. Maybe a more permanent solution shaped like a Eureka can. Like peeing in to a porcelain effigy of an elephant trunk.?

Turn your filters up please, there may be swearing.

EmmetSpiceland · 01-02-2023 8:09pm

Prefer ‘The Rifleman’ position to the Superman, myself. More poise and control.

01-02-2023 8:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120188767#Comment_120188767

Can you explain what’s involved?

Larbre34 · 01-02-2023 8:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120186579#Comment_120186579

Pinch it firmly behind the bulb and she will subside long enough to take a sit down slash in the dark of the night, without consequence.

No long term damage will be done.

EmmetSpiceland · 01-02-2023 9:31pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120188776#Comment_120188776

It’s pretty much the same as the “sex position”. You approach the bowl, put one knee to the floor in front of it, the other leg goes sidelong, hold your weapon and direct the shot into the toilet.

Should mean dry floors and no mess. Good for noise “control” too, if you’re hoping to beat a hasty retreat in the middle of the night or if you just don’t want to wake anyone.

EmmetSpiceland · 01-02-2023 9:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120188777#Comment_120188777

Pinching? No, I don’t like the sound of that.

Larbre34 · 02-02-2023 1:14am

Well a firm squeeze then,using thumb and forefinger.

I can tell you its better than p*ssing out under the gap between the seat and the pan into the darkness and having the missus give out bangs when she goes for her morning shower and slips in it

Brendan Bendar · 02-02-2023 5:27pm

They have these non- slip tiles now Larry……..just sayin!!

Got tnem into the upstairs atter the youngest slipped on a stray bolus the Sunday Galway won the Connacht Championship last year.

Had a bit of a feed of burgers and dogs plus a gallon of stout.

Lost control of the craft on the top step returning late at night.

03-02-2023 1:57pm

Had 8 pints of stout, a large garlic and cheese chips and a battered sausage, and half a bag of dry roasted peanuts last night.

Absolutely atrocious arse arias all morning - some so dense you could clip a notice of eviction on them.

Nevin Parsnipp · 03-02-2023 2:34pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120184672#Comment_120184672

Just hold it with your thumb down the inside so you will know when it is getting full,,,,Hack of the day from Nev.

Don't mention it.....

Grouptherapy · 03-02-2023 3:44pm

Doing Wordle earlier (4/6 in the end) and Big Dave from logistics rocked up in the adjacent stall. Could hear him coming from a long way down the hall - like the scene in Jurassic Park with the ripples in the water glass.

Anyway he huffs and puffs, drops the kaks, and let a fart go that rattled the stall door on it's hinges. I kid you not. Proceeded to unload like a wheelie bin emptying. The bang off it was horrendous. Put me right off. Had to finish Wordle back at the desk.

It is a Dunne Deal · 03-02-2023 4:05pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120196813#Comment_120196813

What a shocking lack of etiquette.

04-02-2023 7:18pm

Had a nice day planned - round of golf this morning, then home with 8 cans of Beamish to watch the rugby and Galway play Wexford in hurling.

Arrived home to see that one of the wife’s friends had called over with her 18 month old young lad.

Was having a ham sandwich and a bowl of mushroom soup when I caught an unmerciful whiff starting to arrive into the kitchen. Turns out young Donncha had soiled himself and they were in the process of changing his nappy in the next room. Don’t know what they are feeding the little bastard, but the pong was utterly wojus and put me off my food. Like it horrific.

Herself lit a few of those fancy candles but the day is pretty much ruined for me. The cans are starting to kick in but my mood hasn’t really lifted.

You the man · 04-02-2023 10:16pm

I'm after a nasty nasty ol pour there..

I blame the bottle of warm sparkling water I had at work.

Dear God, me guts were like the devil banging pots n pans inside.

Bad day..

Lewis_Benson · 05-02-2023 12:58pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120202515#Comment_120202515

Whatever about the pong, but to bring an 18 month old child over when all a man wants its to watch the rugby and have a few cans. That's pure ignorance right there, I hope you told her so.

EmmetSpiceland · 05-02-2023 9:33pm

Had a bad day of it last Friday. Not fully sure about what went on but it felt like I didn’t get the full “evac” from my 10:30am drop. Started kicking up a number of foul smelling farts as the day went on.

It wasn’t, exactly, a problem as I was on a course for work. All on Zoom and in the surrounds of my own home. Was grand, for the most part, was “on mute” for long periods but there was a, rather, embarrassing, occurrence while in one of those “breakout” rooms.

We were supposed to be coming up with ideas about, and solutions to, a certain problem and we’re given 20 minutes to come up with them. Unfortunately, one member of the group took it as a time to rabbit on, at length, about “personal affairs”.

This was incredibly irritating and seemed to stir up my insides so that instead of the hot, breathy, passings of gas, which I was having up to that point, when I lifted a cheek I was met with a loud rasper akin to the tearing of a crisp A4 page, slowly. This caused my camera/speaker to engage, interrupting the yapping gammer, and turning everyone’s focus to me.

In a pinch, I turned to the side and said “What’s that, Champ?”, alluding to the dog in the other room. Anyway, while it was suitably mortifying, it shut yer one up long enough for the rest of us to cobble together a quick plan that saw the task completed.

The rest of the day passed in a quiet haze of fetid stink, and without any “drama”. I managed to dislodge the unfinished business later on in the downstairs loo. Felt like passing clumps of peat and the cleanup was rough as hell but it was done, and that was the main thing.

What's the etiquette here??

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