What's the etiquette here??

You bought a filet-o-fish at an Airport McDonalds?

Sounds like you got off easy. Foolish boy.

I’ve just been to the communal jacks and was behest with one the gravest breeches in toilet etiquette in quite some time.

3 bay schitters and I was in the end stall. Had evacuated and was reading about UK politics when in burst this pie scoffing cretin from the safety department. Could tell it was him as he was on the bloody phone. I’m assuming hands free with Bluetooth ear piece?

Into the middle bay and all belt buckles and fabric noises while he contributed to talk to what I assume is his long suffering wife. She must have twigged something was afoot as Brant soon said “ no it’s fine I can talk”

No you fücking can’t Brant. You filthy deviant.

He then continued to discuss the back garden beds and if they should put down this white stones in a matt or gloss finish, without even pausing for breath as he dumped what sounded like a basket of snakes into the pot.

I bailed at that point, only giving the hoop a cursory wipe.

Im surrounded by cretins and malcontents. 😡

Off for a game of pitch and putt now that the tension is off the chocolate starfish?

Only cheese you are familiar with is under the rim of your helmet, pal.

Helmetdale I believe is the brand.

Fohhrking cretin.

Feed of pints watching the rugby, naturally. Absolutely destroyed the MiL's downstairs cloak the next day. FiL was in after me, he was retching but I could tell he was secretly proud.

Busy morning earlier in the traps. High footfall from the get go.

Managed to get a seat eventually and was greeted with a bowl covered in midden. Don't know how the fcuker managed it but it definitely wasn't a vertical drop.

Apparently, and it’s not been authenticated, it was the dispute between two Greek scholars, the poet Pysadoris and the writer Senadopoulous.

Its said Pysadoris was envious of the wedge Senadopoulis was getting from his writing and wrote a poem about him and had it delivered.

Senadopoulis took umbrage, had a big feed of souflaki and beans, went to the lavvie and backed out thin streel of mincey scutther over the poetry pages and wiped his hole with it.Then returned the soiled pages.

Ordinary folk then took to wiping their holes with news sheets they didn’t like and the eventually the practice grew.

❎🈳With thanks to Prof. Theo Pannatiakis prof. Greek History University of Thessaloniki

No, you should absolutely not 'back it up'.

What about the 'thumb up the bum' event if it occurs?

Why would you just not use another bathroom?

I never even go into my own en suite, let alone weigh anchor in it. My missus uses it to tart herself up and store all her makeup crap.

I use the main bathroom to S, S and S and neither of us are allowed shaaaat in the downstairs utility bog. Ever.

Keeps a harmonious household.

What is the point of having an en-suite if you don’t make use of it?

Makes me think some of the posters in here would buy a new car and keep the plastic seat covers on to save it for when you go to sell it.

These things are not for just a feature on Better Homes & Gardens

Terrible breach of “etiquette” dumping in the en suite before bed. What are you doing when you get back into bed? High fiving your partner and asking “did you hear that?!” or “whoa, get a whiff of that!”.

Do what you want during the day but morning or nighttime dumps should be done anywhere other than the en suite.

Animals.

I've already had three big dumps today. I didn't even eat much in the last couple of days so I don't know where it's all coming from. I've been pretty flatulent since Thursday also, with farts mainly smelling like a blend of burning rubber and McDonnell's curry sauce.