Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Thanks folks, for all the kind wishes. I'm doing alright. Sunday was a bed day, in that I hit the hay around 2pm.I had to be up at 6.30 am the following day, and had an erratic sleep the days before. (I think I got 5 hours sleep on Friday, and Saturday was a busy day, didn't get the full catchup).

Busy day today, but it was alright. Not too stressful.

Total wreck here. Can't focus on anything. Burned out in work and constant hard problems at home.

I’ve been quiet for a good week or so. 

Was under the weather since the beginning of the month. Had an annoying head cold that also managed to make me pee like a racehorse. (It’s not uncommon, when I get head colds that I tend to urinate frequently. Doesn’t happen when I’m otherwise healthy-weird tangential titbit, I admit). Got a weird ‘brain fog’ too, which other people who’ve had the same cold as I have are saying the same thing. Cough is easing off, at least. Still sapped of energy, but again, it’s common with folks who’ve had the same virus I had, as they’ve told me.

Things, otherwise, have been fine, for the most part. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to check my email, or otherwise be engaged online. Constantly blowing my nose and having a ‘snot waterfall’ kept me occupied. And then at the weekend, I was able to check my email, and I got a message that kind of upset me.

My therapist has gotten a new job, and that’s great- it really is. When one person is winning, everyone is, honestly. I’m really glad to hear she’s moving up in the world.

But that means she can’t be my counsellor anymore. And that kind of stings.

Today was our last session. Not my decision, more to do with her new job position. 

The reason this upset me is because she genuinely gave a crap. And at times, it felt less like talking to a therapist, more like talking to a long-time friend.  When other therapists might be flippant about my problems, especially with the sudden loss of a pet, she cared (And I did have someone who was just that flippant, whilst claiming to be a therapist. Has happened on more than one occasion, sadly). She helped me work through a lot of issues. My panic attacks eased off, greatly. And just talking about loss helped enormously. She gave me tasks to do, homework, journaling, that kind of deal.

But today felt like a funeral. Saying goodbye for the final time, silly I know, but I did my absolute best not to cry (and succeeded, thankfully). For once, being under the weather was a help. The coughing, the voice breaking, I hid being upset better than I’d imagine I would have if I hadn’t been under the weather. Couldn’t thank her enough, to be honest.

Still feels like a death. Strange to say, I know. Feels like I’m being overly sensitive on this, but it hit hard.  

So I managed to make it to the day hospital today. It helps to write it down so bear with me. I was on here a while back talking about the public v private psychiatric system. I'm out of work 3 months now and cannot afford private anymore. I was in a private hospital for a stay recently. My insurance didn't cover me for the day hospital or anything else. So have been to a few public appointments now and have switched to them.

So had my first day in the public day hospital this morning. I managed to get washed and dressed which is very good. I saw a public consultant 4 weeks ago who was very nice and I have another appointment on Monday which is very good to see them again. There's not a lot happening in the day hospital but I'm going to make the effort to go in and mix. I saw a Registrar today who I didn't expect to see who was helpful. I guess I'm surprised at how good the public system is.

Ah bit of a turn around. Third day at day hospital today. It's fairly grim. I don't think I'll be going back. Noone does introductions. The nurses don't even introduce themselves. You're just kinda left there. It's a bit uncomfortable. I left a bit upset and angry today. I'm struggling to find how this is theraupetic. I have an appointment later with the psych and might mention it then.