So at Christmas my parents gave me and all my sibling a substantial sum of money.

AMKC · 12-03-2023 1:48pm #1

Anyway I spent about 2/5ths of mine and left the rest back in the envelope to Put in the bank. I did not think about it for about 2 weeks but then I went to put it in the bank and it was gone not where I left it but the envelope it was in was still there.

My brother lives with me well at this stage he basically just showers here, charges his phone here and watches F1 and I think he might have taken it but don't want to accuse him of it either. He has been avoiding talking to me much a lot lately do. Spends most if his time in his room on the phone. It would just be a quick hello and goodbye. He is a good person and does help with some things. He has been on a bit of a spending spree of late new tools and loads if crap from Amazon who I hate by the way. They deliver on Sunday FFS what's wrong with them.

Anyway I am going to ask him and see.

What do people here think?

I have searched everywhere I think I could have left the money and there is no sign of it. No one else bar me and my brother has a key to the house.

niallpatrick · 12-03-2023 2:22pm

If you suspect your brother took the money then leave a trap for him and catch him red handed stealing money, get a cheap indoor CCTV camera and secrete it where he'd know you kept money.

AMKC · 12-03-2023 3:06pm

It would be a waste of time. I do not keep money in the house much. Very rare actually. Besides he has more money than me works in a good job.

elperello · 12-03-2023 3:18pm

How were going to approach the conversation with the brother?

Are you just going to say there is money missing?

You could ask him if he invited anyone else into your place when you were out.

That might be less confrontational.

AMKC · 12-03-2023 4:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120349298#Comment_120349298

I was just going to ask him was he in my room that there is money missing.

I know he does not invite anyone he comes in has a wash and goes to his girlfriends then for dinner and stays there. He keeps to himself most of the time.

He is a good person that has had some big ups and big downs in life like his marriage breaking up and losing his house that they built together.

elperello · 12-03-2023 4:32pm

If he says "no I wasn't on your room and I didn't take your money" where do you go then?

He thinks you think he's a thief.

Unless he confesses it's hard to see how your relationship will recover.

stargazer 68 · 12-03-2023 4:32pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120349784#Comment_120349784

And then what? He says he knows nothing about it - what then? I don't think you have thought this through OP

Burt Renaults · 12-03-2023 4:41pm

Maybe don't directly ask if he stole it. Instead, ask if he left any doors or windows open, or if any of his money or valuables have gone missing. Also, see how he reacts to the prospect of the guards getting involved.

farmingquestion · 12-03-2023 4:41pm

You say you don't want to accuse him of being a thief but it sounds like that's the only possible explanation.

Spanish Eyes · 12-03-2023 4:44pm

Why was this substantial amount of money given in cash anyway? Your parents, generous as they are should have transferred it by bank transfer surely?

Did your brother get a similar amount and is it all gone? If so is he a Gambler/gamer/hidden addiction?

You won't get it back anyway, sorry to say - unless you have absolute proof he has taken it and that he still has enough money to return it to you. Sorry now. But I'm sure you realise this anyway.

Check everywhere thoroughly and pray to St. Anthony, he's good at finding things. You never know, you might have put it somewhere else and forgotten where.

AMKC · 12-03-2023 5:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120349909#Comment_120349909

That's one thing I would never do. The Guards are priks around here. They have treated him and then me horribly and he done nothing wrong but just because his former vile bitch of a wife said that he did they treated him horribly.

Our family is a good family never done a single bad thing and yet they do not like us.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120349932#Comment_120349932

Why was this substantial amount of money given in cash anyway? Your parents, generous as they are should have transferred it by bank transfer surely?

Good point. Just Christmas present. I did not take cash last year and that's what I will do for now on.

Did your brother get a similar amount and is it all gone? If so is he a Gambler/gamer/hidden addiction?

I think he did yes. I only asked one of my other sisters and told her about the money going missing. Yes I think he is addicted to buying stuff off Amazon and Wish. It never stops. Packages constantly arriving.

rolling boh · 12-03-2023 5:18pm

I know its the principal and would be completly wrong for him to have taken the money which looks likely but is the amount large enough to most likely end your relationship with your brother over .There will be no going back with him if you ask him in any way and it does look likely he is unable to stop spending .

Donald Trump · 12-03-2023 6:15pm

"John, when you were in the house can you remember seeing a white envelope? I can't find it anywhere. I was sure I left it in my room but just checking whether you saw it around the house anywhere"

Spanish Eyes · 12-03-2023 6:22pm

I bet it's somewhere else in the house. Years ago my grandmother gave me Ir£500 in cash and that was a ton of money back then, bless her. I put it in my "safe place" where the passport etc. is lol.

Not there when I went to get some of it. Gave up after tearing the house apart after a while and said goodbye to it. I was living alone at the time and the "safe place" was out of sight of anyone visiting. Honestly.

So one day I needed a new linen basket for the washing. Old one had a sort of cotton liner inside it. When taking that out before dumping guess what I found underneath it? Yep, and a great time was had by all. It can happen and I have absolutely no idea how the money ended up there. I hope OP is as lucky.

horse7 · 13-03-2023 9:45am

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

MarkR · 13-03-2023 10:11am

I'd just tell him you've been tearing the house apart looking for it, and to let you know if he comes across it.

spaceHopper · 13-03-2023 11:43am

Let him see you tearing the place apart for the money

Jim2007 · 13-03-2023 12:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120349784#Comment_120349784

So according to you: he is a good person, has a well paying job, also got a substantial sum of money from his parents and went on a bit of a spending spree and that is all you got??? It's a big step from that to claiming he stole your money... I'd say it's far more likely you have forgotten where exactly you put the money or possible threw it out along with trash or something like that.

Jafin · 13-03-2023 2:09pm

You definitely should not ask him directly if he took the money. As others have mentioned that could cause irreparable damage to your relationship with him, regardless of whether or not he stole it. You should perhaps tell him that you had left money in an envelope in your room and now the envelope is empty and that you're panicking. Ask him if he can help you look for it maybe, try to get him involved. You should also pay careful attention to how he responds, especially if there are any tell-tale signs you know he shows when telling a lie.

If everything was missing, envelope included, then I'd be inclined to agree with others that you misplaced it, but the fact the envelope is still there and is now just empty is definitely more suspicious.

Padre_Pio · 13-03-2023 2:18pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120349853#Comment_120349853

Are people's relationships so fragile that a simple question causes irreparable damage?

If he says no, then maybe he didn't take it and you misplaced it.

AMKC · 13-03-2023 2:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120353551#Comment_120353551

Thank you. Maybe some are.

I know I did not do that. I distinctively remember taking 4 out and leaving 6 there in the envelope.

Is that worth relationship or not? Maybe maybe not but I doubt it will make much difference and if it does well I still have 3 sisters and thats that.

It will be up to me to repair my relationship with my brother.

elperello · 13-03-2023 2:31pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120353551#Comment_120353551

Some are fragile others more robust.

I've known people who fell out for years over a lot less.

Padre_Pio · 13-03-2023 2:33pm

Maybe he was rooting in your room for a spare pair of socks, saw the wad of cash and said " AMKC is some fool keeping money here, it's the first place a burglar would look" and he put it somewhere else and never told you, and here you are, pr*cking around on boards.ie instead of asking your brother a simple question.

slither12 · 13-03-2023 4:04pm

Not to go off topic but if OP sets a camera and it transpires that the brother is a thief, would he report him to the police?

AMKC · 13-03-2023 4:21pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120353685#Comment_120353685

Well unless his feet magically shrink or he wants go wear tights he would not be wearing my socks. Nothing wrong with wearing tights by the way.

HildaOgdenx · 13-03-2023 4:34pm

Mod Note - I think you have plenty to think over there, OP, with the responses you have received.

As you mentioned it will be up to you to repair the relationship with your brother if needs be, so I will close the thread at this point.

Hilda

HildaOgdenx · 14-03-2023 8:02am

Thread reopened at OP's request in order to seek further advice on this matter.

minikin · 14-03-2023 8:07am

Ask him if he borrowed any cash from you lately… give him a way out of what would be a damaging accusation.

AMKC · 14-03-2023 9:28am

It's not just cash that is missing do. I am also missing a very important cert that I got recently. I know I put this cert in my safe space and it's not there now. I am going to have one more look today and if its not there I will be asking him this evening.

urgentcell · 15-03-2023 4:10am

What value does the cert have? What does your brother stand to gain from taking your cert?

I think the best approach is as others said "have you seen" as opposed to "did you take"

As an aside your safe space isn't effective and needs to be rethought.

AMKC · 15-03-2023 9:29am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120360203#Comment_120360203

It's OK. I found the cert. Sure I looked before there and don't know how I did not see it. It was where I put it.

Now if only the money turned up I would be very happy.

HBC08 · 15-03-2023 9:33am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058287947/so-at-christmas-my-parents-gave-me-and-all-my-sibling-a-substantial-sum-of-money

You seem to have a lot of drama in your life.

Maybe just ask him and see what happens.

AMKC · 15-03-2023 9:45am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120360612#Comment_120360612

Yes I am a bit of a drama Queen alright hehe :)

I am going to see how tomorrow goes and will decide after that. I have a big test tomorrow. Here is hoping it goes well. Besides he was not in yesterday and might not be in again this evening.

So at Christmas my parents gave me and all my sibling a substantial sum of money.

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