Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Witness in Breach of Protection Order Case against Ex - Need Advice

  • 22-03-2023 5:58pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭


    Hi,

    I'm really hoping I can get some solid advice on a situation that has become incredibly distressing and overwhelming for me. I'm up in court in a few weeks as my ex breached the protection order against him. The thoughts of facing him in court ( he didn't bother showing up first time) and being humiliated or cross examined by his solicitor. I've been given so much conflicting information and told that my solicitor will not be there, there's no need for him to be there that the gardai are essentially my representative now.

    My ex went to court himself the last time when he was arrested for breaching it as I wasn't required. I don't know what happened/what was said in court. I'm not sure if he made a plea or anything.

    I've had an awful lot of weird/negative things said done against me through all of this and I can't prove it without sounding like a paranoid nut but i'm fairly sure which camp its coming from. I was out with friends over Christmas in my local nightclub. My shoes were a nightmare and I stupidly took them off. The bouncers asked me to leave. When I attempted to go back in I was told I wasn't allowed that I gave the security staff an awful time. I asked what was said, i've since messaged them and no response.

    I am more than shocked to be honest. I even checked in with my friend I was with and she said there was nothing heated/aggressive at all as I started questioning myself. I asked if it's to do with my ex as he previously said he had the bouncers "keeping an eye on me". This was long before the protection order. I was quickly shot down with an i'm not discussing an open court case and you know you're not allowed to either. I never mentioned the court case. The manager who gave this response is also a local TD/Counsellor and friends with my exes sister (who's a social worker). He knows me and my family also but no one would have told him about the court case from my side.

    I've also had people basically insinuate that i'd steal from them as in purse/wallet. Even people who have known me 20 years. A friend of my ex who was extremely drunk approached me recently saying I need to talk to you. Sat down beside me, next thing I had my whole drink all over me and he left. He says it was just an accident which I have to assume it is and these things happen.

    A girl I have become friends with as she took me in one night when he was roaring abuse at me and took my phone off me. Anyways she drunkenly ended up going back to a house with him and his friend (friend is the ex husband of the girl he was cheating with on me). She ended up sleeping with the husband and told me she didn't know who my ex was at first and vice verse. When she did she got on to him for how he treated me etc. She waited a month to tell me as she was afraid I wouldn't speak to her. At first I was grateful she told me and told her she did nothing wrong. But everyone told me she massively betrayed my trust as she didn't leave that night once she realised. She stayed until the next day. She told me some weird version of events where she was in bed with this guy and my ex was stood over her going "Wow". I questioned her about a couple of things and she turned very nasty on me and i've since blocked her. She was supposed to give me a witness statement which is obviously out the window now. I'm afraid of what might have been said or if she could have caused damage to my case. She brought the court case up to him that night. The fact she's now turned on me i'm afraid she'll actually just become spiteful. She also left her phone behind that day and had to go back for it. They could have possibly gone through our messages.

    I seen him out recently, had two drinks left and didn't even look at him. I had to walk straight past him and he had such a smug look on his face. This would have been about a week after the incident with my friend.

    I know this reads like it's almost made up but it's actually the nightmare i'm living so would appreciate any advice on what to do. I don't feel supported by the guards and don't want to keep ringing for advice.



Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,662 ✭✭✭BaronVon


    First of all, the case will be in a closed court, so as few people as possible will be in there. Then you just need to prove that he put you in fear for your safety, which is not too high a bar to reach, and he should be found guilty. You also should have gotten a letter from a Garda Victim's office, give them a ring, they should be able to put you in touch with the local organisation for your area, and someone from there will accompany you to court, and be able to guide you through the whole process.

    Judges watch people lie to them all day every day. Once you are telling the truth, the judge should believe you....



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 274 ✭✭xyz13


    Stop drinking.

    Bien faire et laisser dire...



  • Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭Danni21


    Thanks for this. I have a representative to come with me. I'm just not sure what's going to happen on the day and it's seriously distressing. He's gaslit me emotionally manipulated me and turned people against me for two years and he's the most convincing liar i've ever met. He could hold a conversation for an hour and it's all based on a lie.



  • Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭Danni21


    I've been out a handful of times. Most of which were over Christmas with friends being over. If I drank a litre of whiskey a day I don't deserve this treatment.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,653 ✭✭✭caviardreams


    I completely understand this and have experienced the same myself. It is very hard to explain it to others who haven't without you sounding crazy/paranoid or that you are overthinking things. That's their goal though - to discredit you further and make people think you are imagining it.

    You have my sympathies



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭Danni21


    It's a very line between sounding like a crazy paranoid nut and actually speaking up for yourself



Advertisement