What's the etiquette here??

Lewis_Benson · 20-04-2023 5:01am

Standard toilet practice Slideways.

padd b1975 · 20-04-2023 11:27pm

Went to town on a box of Black Magic chocolates earlier in the week that had been hanging around in the cupboard since Christmas.

Product very similar in consistency to Lyles Treacle since then.

Clean up really should involve a shower but I've managed to muddle through.

It really has taken the pleasure out of one of life's simple pleasures. Not good for the mental health.

Hoping for a marked improvement for the weekend.

Brendan Bendar · 21-04-2023 11:56am

Don’t let the ‘ clagg’ harden up around the back pipe Pee, otherwise it could be a ‘scissors job’ with all its predicaments.

Knew a lad who tried that action with the aid of a mirror and it didn’t end well, took a lump out of the nutpurse when on a ‘blind snip’.

Luckily the weather was very cold otherwise could have been ED territory.

You the man · 21-04-2023 4:33pm

Just clearing the chamber and there's a very 'earthy' bang from the pot.

Like the pot roast was on too long..

Better ease off on the red meat ore the weekend..

Ha Long Bay · 21-04-2023 9:06pm

The less said about this the better.

Nevin Parsnipp · 21-04-2023 9:35pm

Favour to arsk of you Dudes ...if anybody in the Ringsend vicinity...could you pop in an give the lads a heads up ?

Just released a sour load of "fingerlings" in the upstairs lavvy ...and they is heading down stream......just say a friend contacted you to say there is a "heavy incoming" an you might need to activate the heavy duty agitators and churns .

They will appreciate it ....Ciaow

Larbre34 · 21-04-2023 9:43pm

For future reference, simply text 'TORPEDO IN THE WATER' to 51002 and the Ringsend boffins will know what to do.

StevenToast · 21-04-2023 11:20pm

"Ringsend" wastewater treatment plant ....

Is there a more appropriate name for such a facility in the entire world.....

mfceiling · 22-04-2023 6:24pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120505316#Comment_120505316

Warm home? Surely that should read "Warm hole"

Ha Long Bay · 22-04-2023 8:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120508602#Comment_120508602

Hard to argue with the 5 star rating though. Pity it's dry clean only.

Nevin Parsnipp · 23-04-2023 7:15pm

Glad to report recent arse consarns is a thing of the past...popped out a lovely loose tube of greasy dung @ circa 09.32 this morn.

Lay solid in the butt of the pewter with nice markings of raisins and sweetcorn studds .normally would not be worth bringing stuff like this to your attention ...but for a lad who has been a bit "bound" for the larst few weeks it was a very welcome relief.

Thank you for your unnerstandin...an all that ...

Nev.

23-04-2023 7:17pm

Lay off the Lidl lager and Fray Bentos steak and kidney pies, Nev. Must be why you are so bound up and have to order your 52–28 slacks from shortandround.com

Baasterd · 25-04-2023 1:26am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120505316#Comment_120505316

Sure at least the colour is on message...

Sgt Hartman · 25-04-2023 7:23am

Last night's trip to the throne room before bed was certainly one to remember. I passed a not inconsiderable amount of burning hot chilli paste with the look and consistency of thick dairy fudge. I'll blame the whole wheat spaghetti and meatball dinner with smoked habanero hot sauce for the consistency and burn.

Standard wiping just wasn't doing the trick and it was only spreading the "fudge" around the rusty sheriff's badge so I took a big wad of toilet tissue, soaked it in icy cold water and stuck it halfway up my poop chute, leaving it there for a good thirty seconds before removing it using another big wad of toilet paper. The consistency was such that I had to do this twice. The ice cold poultice treatments done the trick, leaving my balloon knot feeling fresh and spotlessly clean. The toilet bowl itself needed a good scrub down afterwards though with the toilet brush and plenty of Toilet Duck blue gel.

Grouptherapy · 25-04-2023 3:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120505501#Comment_120505501

Nice one L34 👍️ Sent a text earlier but wrote 'Fish In The Water'. Must've been thinking of WWII submarine movies. But I'm sure they got the meaning.

I hear too that the operatives working there have a WhatsApp group so that everyone can be warned of incoming.

25-04-2023 3:20pm

Was down at the Irishtown House a few years back when the afternoon shift from the Ringsend Wastewater Treatment Plant arrived in. Ashen-faced, silent and immediately ordering triple brandies.

We eventually found out they had narrowly avoided a complete breakdown of safety and overflow systems and a resulting ecological disaster in Dublin Bay. Turns out Galway had won the hurling AI the day before and a huge spike in Supermacs and Guinness consumption as a result had brought the facility to breaking point.

Real unsung heroes.

29-04-2023 12:45pm

A lot of Ringsend related news these days. Some fat barstooler must be filling himself to the brim with porter and then unloading it into a plastic bag and dropping in a “parcel” on the way home.

Brendan Bendar · 29-04-2023 6:37pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120535289#Comment_120535289

Probably after a full spice bag and a side of batthered saussie and chips.

Slip out of the boozer and get the 45/26 frame motoring.

Load shifts aft and out comes the JCs plastic bag, dhrop the strides and scuds and releases a butthery log followed by a gush of ‘fingerlings’ in a scuttery marinade.

‘Peg’ would drop a young bullock ..into the post box and the poor postie has a surprise for the shït farm next day.

Terrible behaviour.

Larbre34 · 30-04-2023 8:14pm

Funny that some filthy kherrnt would pollute a pillar box like that when there's a good chance of his Giro being in there.

No more Tyskie for that fenian bloater.

Talking of unspeakable pollution, let's hope the Ringsend SAS (Special Arse Service) don't ever fall out over a loss of overtime like this rancid old bastard.

https://www.sundayworld.com/crime/courts/man-64-who-poisoned-colleagues-coffee-with-sewage-water-is-jailed/a1069742318.html

Aglomerado · 01-05-2023 11:38pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120519603#Comment_120519603

I could have done with the big knives myself this morning. Dropped a collossal load in the chod bin. Four inches above the water, a brown baton standing proud like a lighthouse (sh1tehouse).

It wouldn't shift on flushing, it must have been made of cement so had to break the fcuker up. Haven't had to do that in a while! Felt sad but proud sending it to its watery grave.

04-05-2023 7:53pm

Was over in Paris recently on important company business and we decided we’d head to one of those snooty wine and charcuterie spots. The prick owner was soon over explaining about organic and low intervention wine and actually snorted when I said my favourite type of wine was red, cheap, Italian and high in alcohol.

Anyways sank about a bottle and a half of some admittedly lovely wine, along with a huge amount of blue cheese, baguette, anchovies, olives etc. Soon felt a bit of pressure building on the aft rivet, paid the bill, sent herself outside, and headed off to the single toilet in the place.

Absolutely horrific stuff and the famously weak water pressure in Paris was simply not up to the task.

Did the best I could but I can’t work miracles. Quipped to Pierre on the way out that “you might let that one breathe a little before sticking the nose in” and exited with haste.

Grouptherapy · 05-05-2023 10:22am

Bit bound up for the last few days but thankfully all good again after an Iceberg dump earlier (10% visible above waterline).

Off for a cooked breakfast now with a spring in me step. Happy Friday!

Floppybits · 12-05-2023 5:02pm

Ah jaysus lads, started taking these weights loss pills the other day and they are kicking in today, 2 sharts today and not to mention the toilet being destroyed. There will be nothing left of me if this keeps up.

EmmetSpiceland · 12-05-2023 5:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120588280#Comment_120588280

Are they the “fat binding” types, F? Heard some horror stories, not only boxers getting destroyed but jeans too.

I know one lad who was on them before. Now, he did lose a tonne of weight but he did said that he still can’t even look at sausages.

Floppybits · 12-05-2023 5:43pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120588333#Comment_120588333

Not sure what they do but jaysus I don't trust anything movement now. I will be staying close to the toilet.

EmmetSpiceland · 12-05-2023 5:50pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120588412#Comment_120588412

No harm in lining the jocks with a few sheets of bog roll, just to add some protection, in case of the worst.

Good luck with it.

Baba Yaga · 12-05-2023 5:52pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120588280#Comment_120588280

friend of my mams was on them for awhile...took me mam over to visit one evening,jayz the poor woman,every time she moved she had to run to the crapper...the noise was like she was sitting on a 10gallon drum...think explosive farts/ shites in an echo chamber....my poor mam had to have two shots of Jameson when we got home...

12-05-2023 6:19pm

Those things should be illegal. Know of a lad who was on them and said the first few weeks involved being beside the jacks pretty much all the time. Said he thought he had the timing of worked out but called over to his MiL’s place, had a few glasses of wine, and filled his jeans with hot peppery oily shíte as he was eating his apple tart and ice cream.

Dreadfully awkward situation for the man, his wife and 3 children, his in-laws. Ended up having to wear a pair of his father-in-laws golf trousers and his now teenage son still uses the incident to bully his father.

Count Dracula · 13-05-2023 12:25am

Reminds me of a time I was invited to a now ex girlfriends house for Sunday dinner.

I have only myself to blame really. I had mistakenly accepted the invitation as a damage limitation exercise after spending the previous few weeks drinking myself into booze hell for some reason or another, that felt like a good reason at the time. On the Sunday in question I had not had a drink in around 3 hours, after deciding to dry out when I woke up on my cousins couch clenching a cold kebab and a can of warm Carlsberg.

I had been eating healthy enough and the double vision had subsided. Between a savage main course of roast lamb and a mountain of rosemary carrots and roasties i accepted an invitation upstairs by her brother, who lashed out these Scarface sized mountains of cheap banger we hoovered up with an Hors d'oeuvre of buckfast, a shot of Powers and around 3 quick fags.

Her mammy called us down for desert and whilst tapping away at a lime and strawberry decorated Pavlova I suddenly got a dramatic 1-2 minute warning followed by a near miss SBD which made everyone wince immediately. I was phucked bigtime and caught rapid.

My moth actually said " Toilet now, you nasty animal ".

I made my apologies, her younger sister sniggering as I clambered for the downstairs. Barely got my chinos down before a volcanic eruption of arse belch, rancid gas and brown lavashite, phucking power-hosed itself out my furnace of a rectum. It was a massacre altogether. 3 flushes required and even with the window open the place stank like a slurry pit. At one point her ma came to the door.... and knocked , saying " are you ok in there Count "

Shameful stuff. Her Dad never acknowledged me ever again.

spacetweek · 14-05-2023 8:40pm

A few months ago I was in my place of work when around the corner whistled a great beast of a man, six foot six, big dark eyes and beard, shoulders broader than an outstretched arm. He opened up the shredded paper bin, hoofed the bag out and strolled off.

An hour later I hit the arse cleansing room to find all four cubicles with closed doors so I stood waiting patiently. Presently a door opened and out stepped Mr. Giant who advanced to the sink. With pressure building around my back garden I headed into his recently vacated stall quick step.

Too late, I discovered a less than pleasant surprise. A big brown treetrunk was poised elegantly on the edge of the seat like a giant cigar on an ashtray. Funking savage beast had missed the target and deposited a "toilet nasty" for me to find when I was desperate to use the facilities.

Did I retreat to remonstrate with him as he washed up? Did I f**k. I headed downstairs and used the services on a different floor, processing the mental trauma. Now you'll have to aswell.

What's the etiquette here??

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