Sex and love addiction - is recovery possible ?

you need to find a therapist for yourself, you re in a highly dysfunctional and abusive relationship, theres clearly something psychologically wrong with your husband, that requires professional help, from bi-polar to a cluster b, and beyond, who knows, but thats not for anyone here to say, only professionals. its impossible to say if your husband got help, if he d change, that ultimately would be up to him, but your priority is yourself, and your kids, if you do indeed have them. its a sh1t situation to be in, but first things first, your gp is your first port of call, to request a therapist. best of luck

All else considered, at the end of the day your husband is a cheater. An absolutely unabated and relentless one at that.

There is more than a grain of truth to the old wives tale - once a cheat, always a cheat.

The only thing he might do if push comes to shove is go on good behaviour for a while and relapse, only to start covering his tracks better so as to not be found out.

I think you would be codding yourself in thinking that there is a way to change him. People don't change. Leopards don't change their spots.

And as the saying goes, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. You'd be the bigger eejit to accept this unabated philandering. God only knows what STDs he might be picking up. If you want to keep the marriage at all costs, then all I could suggest is to end the physical relationship and open the marriage so that he can pursue his lust elsewhere, but he can no longer expect to get goodies at home too.

Another thing that could happen is that he could be getting anyone else pregnant. Now this is a realy problem because then his money for the home and children will have to be spread thinner to cover the maintenance of the illigitimate children.

The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that it is a hopeless case and that you should just finish it.

It may be compulive but don't let him cod you into thinking it is some sort of illness or that he has no agency in it. He is going out, wooing and courting these ones into bet. That takes effort and concious thought and decision making.

Don't be naive. Don't let him make an absolute fool out of you by spinning some yarn that his relentless womanising is some sort of unfortunate illness that he has no control over and that you ought to pity him for it. It sounds like it has that sort of slant on it.

Let me guess, he is the one that suggested he might have a disorder...

In my day such men were called philanderers and women were advised not to believe a word they said, but I guess if you give it a new label then you can fool yourself into thinking he can be changed.

You almost have to admire the balls of it, call it an addiction and then cheat as much as you like, who knew it was that easy.

Ah here. That's like asking a victim of domestic abuse if, aside from the violence and control, their partner is a decent guy and good father.

I lived with an addict (drink and drugs). Those addictions still hurt the partner, they still cause trauma, some of it is the same kind as sex addiction (if that's really a thing), feeling abandoned, worthless because you're not good enough for them to choose over the substance etc. Lots of stuff, but when the addiction is other women that kind of thing is going to hit 1000 times as hard.

Separating the person from the behaviour tends to benefit the addict more so than the partner. The addict gets empathy, understanding and more chances, but it doesn't really benefit the partner, they still suffer greatly because it's very difficult to separate the person from the behaviour when it comes to how the trauma affects you.

Then there's the (high) chance of relapse, that's just more trauma for you, the more times you're betrayed you could toughen up in one sense and not feel like it's affecting you that much but under it all the trauma is building and building.

It's also very, very easy to just play the "It's an addiction" card when really it could just a choice and they just don't try to stop themselves. I'm sure you know others with a reputation for being a serial cheat, do you think differently of them now in light of your husband saying he has an addiction? Or do you see those people as different to your partner and if so why?

It's hard to hear but cheating is a choice. One he has made several times. He chose to lie, he chose to have sex with other people, he chose to treat you with utter disrespect and then pretend it was out of his control and manipulate you into thinking that somehow he is not responsible for his hurtful actions. He chose to do these things. He has shown you who he is, believe him. You cannot change his behaviour only your response to it. Grieve the husband you wanted but didn't get. You deserve so much better. It hurts less to believe it's an addiction but he didn't accidentally do this he has control over his behaviour.

It really sucks. I'm in a sort of similar position. I'm splitting from my husband, he was using his long term illness as an excuse to emotionally, financially and physically abuse me. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt, he was supposed to love me, so I enabled his **** behaviour by not calling it what it was. I am in counseling now, separating but living in the same house it's a nightmare but I will survive this. He still won't take responsibility for his actions but I am no longer putting up with it. Get counseling if you can and support from someone. You did nothing to cause this, so be kind to yourself. Nothing you did or didn't do made this happen.