Who CAN you really trust?

23-05-2023 9:47pm #1

I’m finding my sense of trust diminishing as I progress in life. Life has taught me people lie through their teeth at times, people don’t fulfil their promises. You cannot take anybody at their word.

I’ve always known corruption to be universal, I’ve known people who have committed vile crimes against children.

On safari, I’ve witnessed wild animals behave as they are programmed to do. They don’t go out of their way to impose more suffering than is needed to gather food. Well, except for more domesticated animals, animals over which mankind has had strong influence.

Humans calculate their moves with malice as well as with ingenuity and altruism. I do concede that very many people act with incredible altruism, and a small cohort of people spend most of their lives being altruistic. Thinking of people like Sister Stan. Some people come to it later and dedicate themselves to being mostly altruistic.

I’m as flawed a human as they come, but I’m interested in thoughts regarding whom you have genuinely found to be trustworthy, and why, and conversely why some people let you down.

Jequ0n · 23-05-2023 10:44pm

You can’t trust anyone. We all learn this it sooner or later, sadly.

cj maxx · 23-05-2023 10:59pm

NO-ONE . Every fùkcer is out to feather their own nest. Look after yourself and yours but trust nobody

RobbingBandit · 23-05-2023 10:59pm

No one not even myself life just keeps on bringing me down but as the old saying goes dust yourself off and start all over again. But it's getting harder to do with the fight having an endless cheat code I'm gonna fall hard enough one day that that dust will consume me.

BrianD3 · 23-05-2023 11:08pm

If I think about the (small number of) people I've found to be trustworthy, honest and not manipulative, they had some of the following traits:

High intelligence with good memory

Signs of being on the autism spectrum

A frugal mindset with a high level of financial independence

Low profile, not the sort of person who would be known as a "pillar of the community" or be on the committee of a local sports club

Contrast that with normies whose words mean nothing, They duck, dive and cute hoor their way through life, splurge money on crap to make an impression, don't plan ahead, fall out with family over money, do Darkness Into light walks and make sure to get their photo taken while doing so.

23-05-2023 11:12pm

There have been a small number of people I could/can trust in the ways that matter. My parents to have always loved me, my mother (my Dad died first) to put me first & foremost above her own needs, although she could get a tiny bit frustrated occasionally. There’s one or girls from my old school who are really really solid.

My Mum’s sister was the most gentle, forgiving, loving person I have ever known, she had no flaws whatsoever. Absolutely none. She died of a stroke the following day after a very happy party in my place, just after coming home from holidays, aged 87, and having been diagnosed with severe heart failure years before. She always brought joy wherever she went. My own Dad was highly respected in his business world for his straightforward honesty. If he didn’t think a piece of engineering was suited to a company client he would typically divert to something more economical even if if meant less in his own pocket. He was greatly trusted by major clients.

I utterly respect a person’s right to be angry, offended, hurt, to self defend. Most people have their bad moments. But some folk take advantage with dubious intentions aforethought.

I have some wonderful relatives who love me and would ultimately do anything to save the day for me when it would come to that. But I am firefly independent whenever possible, I keep plodding along.

Fecebtky I’ve become aware I have prigressive MS, the emotional support from relatives and sone friends has been immense. I treasure those people. But when I was trying to seek medical help from a private hospital I was very badly let down. So I’ve very limited trust overall. Those who either live or respect me from a distance do their best to be the best they can for me. That’s magic.

nachouser · 23-05-2023 11:13pm

Op, I'd say you're having a tough night. Good luck with it.

23-05-2023 11:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633490#Comment_120633490

Yes I go through cycles every few days or a couple of weeks where I get seriously depressed, even suicidal, but I regain my composure, maybe after days of bed rest. I’m quite unwell with MS, and it really scours you mentally apart from physically. Then I get a new energy for sone days where I dust myself down and start over. Thought cycle tends to be on fast repeat these times. It used to be on slower repeat🤣 I think fast repeat might be better!

23-05-2023 11:18pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633519#Comment_120633519

You have eaten my own thoughts.

hayrabit · 23-05-2023 11:24pm

AH so answer here is Morgan Freeman

always a good guy , #apart from when he aint

so, going on "Morgan Freeman equation" , #ya can't always trust Morgan Freeman; thusly one can never really trust anybody 100%

answer: No one , not even oneself should one put all their trust in.

☺️

23-05-2023 11:25pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633530#Comment_120633530

Ah, I’m going through coming to terms with MS. It’s rough out there. But I must nurture my sense of humour, I do have one!

dxhound2005 · 23-05-2023 11:26pm

Fecebtky = Recently.

23-05-2023 11:32pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633559#Comment_120633559

I wouldn’t trust myself if I were anyone else in certain respects. Given basic respect I will bend over backward to assist. Taken for a ride, I will subsequently fly p1$$ on you. I will trouble myself greatly to explicitly point out where you have wronged me, and I won’t let it go. I’ve experienced a few very bitter moments in recent years where I believe a couple of people have deliberately set out to wrong me, or at the very least they have been so utterly thoughtless to allow it to happen and continue on. I was deceived about something a couple of years ago, untrained to this day.

Oscar_Madison · 23-05-2023 11:51pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058297681/who-can-you-really-trust

So what you’re really saying is

“I got to go on safari back in the day when safaris were cool and you didn’t - ha ha ha”

Jez. Can’t even trust an AH thread these days. ☹️

Strumms · 24-05-2023 12:01am

trust your instincts, regarding people, situations, life….

19 times out of 20 you’ll be right…

you get the odd person… “ no look for the good in people, don’t look for or think the worst “… Personally the responsible thing is to be savvy to see both….

BrianD3 · 24-05-2023 12:08am

Re: being badly let down by a hospital and losing trust in people - even though I am not sick myself, I can relate given my experience as an advocate and carer for an elderly family member. People cannot be trusted to do the fcuking jobs that they are being paid to do. Then when you complain you are met with excuses, silence and apathy. Money, money, money and vested interests protecting their positions while you suffer. Hospitals, nursing homes, homecare, GPs, public and private sectors.

I find it to be a battle and I am in the full of my health, I shudder to think what would happen to my relative if I wasn't around. When I myself reach the stage of failing health and being dependent on healthcare and other people, I won't have anyone to advocate for me so am probably fcuked. Many boardsies will be the same even if they don't realise it yet. Anytime a thread is started on here about abuse of the elderly and vulnerable and our debacle of a health service, it gets far less interest than many threads about topics that have less impact on people's lives.

I was going to start a thread here entitled "will you be scammed, abused and neglected when you are old?" and still might.

nachouser · 24-05-2023 12:12am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633562#Comment_120633562

I had a partner who had MS. I'm looking at a laminated "Wholefood plant based diet" card as I type. Get some sleep if you're reading this:-)

Tavrin Callas · 24-05-2023 6:25am

I am heartened by the responses here. When I saw the title I thought it'd be full of responses of people listing a select few close people in their lives that they trust. Those kind of responses always make me feel like a freak for being (seemingly) the only one who can't trust anyone. So, the truth is that I'm not paranoid or delusional. Everyone really IS out to get me, just like they're out to get the rest of us too!

Count Dracula · 24-05-2023 7:42am

I think you have to trust people. You trust more than you would imagine. Think about it.

In general mortals will go out to do the best that they can for you. It is your perception of them that is qualifying your trust in them.

If you want anything done, the way you want it done, you will have to do it yourself.

Keep your secrets a secret. A story that more than 2 people hear is no longer a secret.

suvigirl · 24-05-2023 7:51am

You can't trust anyone.

It doesn't matter though, just treat everyone with honesty and respect and decency.

When they let you down/do the dirty/ prove themselves dishonest/ stab you in the back, whatever......it won't really matter because you will never have really trusted them anyway, deep down.

slightly related, I myself an completely honest, ridiculously so, no one appreciates that!

Grayson · 24-05-2023 8:28am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633519#Comment_120633519

It's one of the things that people don't get about autism. Autistic people tend to have higher empathy. People think autistic people can't feel but they tend to feel more. It's just reading social cues or knowing how to react that can be hard. They also tend to have very strong moral compasses. Because being moral is more rational.

So where I wouldn't say that being autistic would mean an individual is automatically more trust worthy, I'd say it's statistically more likely. How much more likely, I don't know.

brokenbad · 24-05-2023 12:23pm

From personal experience - outside of your 4 walls don't trust anybody........

niallpatrick · 24-05-2023 3:15pm

I have to trust people, my wife and mum would never betray me. I have to trust locals I've known for over 40+years to pay me for work I do for them if I charge them, some I'll refuse payment or 'owe me it later'. I'm no fool some locals I won't touch them or their entire family for work even if we were starving. If I consider myself trustworthy or some local families so on the level you could lay brick I can take the opposite spectrum as a guide and there is no in-between. Sorta trust worthy doesn't cut it, once I fill my tool bag I get stuck in and don't stop.

Local lovely families hell yeah I trust them and my wife and mum implicitly, friends I have none and I don't have any workmates either. In my regular full time job I work on my own.

Tavrin Callas · 24-05-2023 7:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120635610#Comment_120635610

You can't really trust people just because they pay you. Anyone would be an idiot not to pay someone for their services as it's be just bad business not to pay, and incur bad credit. Most people, if they could get away with not paying with no consequences, they probably wouldn't bother their arse.

Good though that you have your mum and wife though.

24-05-2023 9:22pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633911#Comment_120633911

I’m very blunt myself 🤣🤣🤣

aero2k · 24-05-2023 9:27pm

@[Deleted User] I'm sorry to hear about your worsening health, and also that your life experiences have made your sense of trust diminish over time. I have also seen some terrible behaviour from other people, and suffered because work colleagues and financial institutions didn't behave with integrity, but I've also seen and benefited from staggering acts of kindness and bravery. I've benefited from people doing the right thing even when it wasn't in their own best interests, in fact they suffered because of it. I myself have experienced negative consequences for doing the right thing.

I don't know who said "better to trust, and be miserable occasionally, than never to trust and be miserable all the time." I know you're into online dating - that requires a level of trust and vulnerability if you're going to make a connection with someone. And in some situations you've nothing to lose by trusting - eg taking a flight or having surgery. Once you're committed to either, better to trust and relax rather than being tense.

I try to be sceptical but not cynical. Sometimes I just lower my expectations a bit and it's grand. All that said there are only a very small number of people I would trust not to let me down, or at least make a decent effort not to.

24-05-2023 9:29pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058297681/who-can-you-really-trust

Interesting I was just thinking , we are in big trouble, Ireland as much as anywhere , organisms are dying out at an alarming rate , the facts are there to see, yet humans are thriving. We are a virus and we’re killing everything

24-05-2023 9:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120636502#Comment_120636502

It’s true that some people need consequences to do the right thing, they have no moral compass of their own. I saw a New Zealand based documentary on human personality/behaviour and it uncovered the fact that about two out of ten people are fairly dysfunctional, with half of those being narcissistic/parasitic on their fellow humans. At the other end of the spectrum are the those who would always do you a good turn, but most of us are fairly decent but imperfect and fit nearer the middle of the spectrum.

buried · 24-05-2023 9:34pm

You can definitely trust a politician anyways. Well, that's what they f**kin told me, the last time they came to my door.

Andrea B. · 25-05-2023 6:37am

Slightly off topic. Trust in terms of confidentiality is something that I thought about last few days.i

As example, there is a high staff turnover over last few years at work.

It has become quite comical, the speed at which the news of someone's departure spreads.

They tell one "confidante", sworn to secrecy. Come back from lunch and even the company next door knows.

People just love to own gossip.

aero2k · 25-05-2023 11:04am

@[Deleted User] You mentioned "corruption" in your OP. I always used to think of that word in the sense of the term "bribery and corruption", people being paid to do bad things. More recently I've come to think of it as we use it when computer files become corrupted, and it seems that most large organisations eventually become corrupt in that they are no longer fit for their original purpose. Protecting the organisation above all becomes the priority, and that inevitably leads to a lack of trust.

Who CAN you really trust?

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