Preparing for the Passing of my Dad

You may be required to have a mass if the burial is in a Catholic graveyard. Otherwise, you don't need a mass. The funeral director will advise the options, you could have a different type of service (a different religion or a secular service), or abstain from a service entirely and do the burial / cremation.

I think it is up to you, I have heard of deceaseds going from funeral home or their own home depending on where laid out to graveyard directly or for cremation, is it a Catholic funeral you want for him?

Speak with undertakers when arranging

I would say take each day you have with him as precious and enjoy

I lost my dad last year after a quick short cancer balance, it still hurts

Mass is not required for burial in a Catholic graveyard. A Rite of Committal is all that's needed.

This is nonsense. Why would the man be buried in the grounds of a Catholic Church if he’s not a catholic?!?

The only catholic graveyards in Ireland are attached to and in the grounds of Catholic Churches.

No a requiem mass is not a condition of being buried in a catholic graveyard. Funerals are not Catholic sacraments.

Most graveyards in Ireland are under the control of the Local authority.

You should probably already have a good idea of your Dad's religious beliefs or inclinations so you'll know what to do when the time comes.

But as already stated, don't dwell on it now while you're still lucky enough to have him with you.

Funeral homes/undertakers are fantastic, sensitive and very understanding and will help and advise you respectfully when needed.

Generally you buy the Grace off the council. If that is the case there is no requirement for anything, In rural parishes all graveyards are generally council run as far as I know.

I'd talk to the undertaker about it all. Might be worth talking to a couple. When my dad died we'd known it was coming for a few weeks but we didn't do any preparation. So when it happened we were rand an undertaker we had a number for. They gave us a quote and that was that. they did try to upsell us a bit. I would have personally liked to have it better prepared and we did have some warning but when someone is in hospital dying, it's not something you think of.

I'll reiterate what other people have said about undertakers. They are absolutely brilliant at organising anything you need. You ask, they do. I had to sort out both my parents' funerals, and it was less hassle than a kids birthday party. My mother's was a full, traditional Catholic mass. My father's was during the height of the first Covid lockdown, and was a short and very small service in the chapel in Glasnevin, with a Deacon officiating. Both my wife and I will have non-religious funerals.

In terms of burial, the ownership of graveyards varies throughout the country. In Clare, for instance, the Council runs 40 different cemeteries as a public service. Donegal Co. Co. doesn't run any - they're all run by the various Churches, who have their own rules. In Dublin, the likes of Glasnevin, Dardistown and Newlands Cross are run by the private Dublin Cemeteries Trust, and are open to anyone. Mount Jerome in Harold's' Cross is privately owned. All of these have a "chapel" that can be used for any kind of service - secular or religious, before burial or cremation. Then each of the local authorities have their own graveyards too.

As I mentioned, some of the big cemeteries in Dublin have their own chapel that you can have any kind of service in. The other crematoria around the country would be the same. Any funeral home would host a non-religious service too. Some hotels will also host them. You could have the service at the graveside and a gathering afterwards. The Unitarian Church in Stephen's Green in Dublin will host a funeral for anyone (https://www.dublinunitarianchurch.org/weddings-ceremonies/funerals-memorial-services/) - you don't have to be a member of the church, and while their tradition is rooted in Christianity, they will take anyone's beliefs into account.

A few other interesting, non standard options:

Resomation, also known as water cremation: https://www.purereflections.ie/

A natural burial ground in Wexford: https://www.greengraveyard.com/

The Humanist Association Of Ireland (https://www.humanism.ie/ceremonies/funerals/) can provide a celebrant for a non-religious funeral. They'll have suggestions for the format of the ceremony, but you can customise it any way you want too - there's no set dogma or beliefs, there's really no such thing as "a humanist funeral", it could even include religious elements. Any undertaker will organise a HAI celebrant for you. There's also private individuals that offer similar services like: https://www.celebrantireland.ie/

But no matter what you want to, all you really need to do is call an undertaker, and the'll take care of everything.

Firstly, unless you know your dad is sick & the end is imminent, don't get caught up worrying & spending a lot of time on this side of things. Spend time with him because whenever it does happen, you won't be glad you sorted every detail out, you'll be sad you didn't spend more time.

Anyway. As others have said, talk to your dad about it all. Maybe ask him to write down his wishes if he doesn't want to talk about it (some older people don't like to do that). For example, does he want a wake? In the funeral home or at his home? Does he want the full removal to the church, funeral service next day & burial or does he want something simpler. Is there any music that he'd like at it specifically? Or any readings (if he's a religious man). We did all that with my dad. Took about an afternoon. Wrote it all down so it was there for us all to be able to tick off when the time came & that was it.