School and hostile ex

Atamiri · 01-06-2023 11:43am #1

Hello, I and my ex have a son who'll start school in September. She is doing everything to cut him off from me, she was completely withholding access for months before a court order was issued and now she reported me to Tusla and the Gardaí (child protection unit) with absurd false accusations (they both said they'd close the case).

My question: She picked a school for our son (without consulting me though I was always a guardian) and refuses to share with me access to the school account which the school uses to communicate with parents. Any advice what to do, does anyone have experience with this? I guess I need to contact the school but first I'd like to check what my options are. I don't want to put her in bad light in the school, I don't have any hard feelings (what she's doing is caused by mental health issues, plus she's instigated by her mother who did the same to my ex's father), but clearly I want the school to communicate with me as well.

Thanks a lot in advance.

01-06-2023 12:15pm

Contact the school directly, in writing, requesting access to the school account like any other parent (I presume this is some kind of email or whatsapp group for parents?) and advise them of your equal guardianship status of your son and request that all information in relation to your son, also be sent to you.

Do not mention the mother at all. No need. Her permission is not required.

You're perfectly within your rights to request the above.

If they quibble or try to deny you, you can take a case against them to the WRC.

Big Bag of Chips · 01-06-2023 12:17pm

I'm not sure what sort of account you are talking about but parents generally can't control who does or doesn't have access.

Contact the school. Explain you are separated and that you would like to be added to their communication list. You won't be the only parents in this situation. You don't need to paint her in a bad light. Just simply ask for the information.

feelings · 01-06-2023 12:27pm

You can get access to the app - just ring the school. It's not unusual for both parents to have access. School is probably unaware. If speaking with the school be civil about the situation, just explain your separated and requesting access.

Who is the primary career of your child, was that decided in court?

Atamiri · 01-06-2023 2:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120665725#Comment_120665725

It’s an Aladdin account and my ex said she’s created it.

Atamiri · 01-06-2023 2:14pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120665768#Comment_120665768

My ex is the primary carer by court order but I have have joint custody, guardianship and ~40/60 access.

Former Former Former · 01-06-2023 2:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120666233#Comment_120666233

You can have two parents with two separate logins for the same child on Aladdin. Just contact the school.

Also, the absolute last thing you should be worrying about is putting your wife in a bad light with the school. If she's mentally unstable then she's a risk to your child.

I know you're in a tricky situation but you need to take charge here.

Princess Calla · 01-06-2023 2:20pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120666233#Comment_120666233

No the school sends out a link to connect to the app.

However they need your email address to send the link to , which I suspect your ex didn't provide.

Contact the school with your email address and they will send the link.

You download the app and an unique registration code is generated , you pop that in and a password of your choice. (I'm nearly 100% certain that's how it worked)

We use Aladdin too and we both have access to it on our phones but different passwords. It makes no odds to the school.

Atamiri · 01-06-2023 2:26pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120666260#Comment_120666260

Thanks a lot, that’s what I needed to know as I have no idea how Aladdin works. I’ll ring them, two independent logins is the best solution.

Atamiri · 01-06-2023 2:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120666280#Comment_120666280

Thanks a lot, I must have misunderstood what she said.

Atamiri · 06-07-2023 11:18am

“If she's mentally unstable then she's a risk to your child.”

I’ve discussed this with my solicitor but I don’t know how serious her mental health problems are now. She tried to kill herself once as a teenager (~18, now she’s 37) and she’s been contemplating suicide every once and then before our son was born. Things got much worse after he was born, she had several breakdowns, there were cases of self-harm (with a knife) and she even said our son shouldn’t live “because the world is a terrible place”. She was refusing treatment.

Now she doesn’t talk to me so I don’t know what the situation is but once her mother gets seriously ill or dies (or gets deported as she lives here illegally) things might get worse again.

School and hostile ex

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