Asked to return to the office, but caring for older parents at home

I think your only option is another employer, unfortunately.

I also think your employer is being very short sighted if your performance is as you state.

Employers talk about mental health, healthy work/life, employee well being etc but it's all box ticking. You are a product for them, you are selling your labour. Don't take it personally, just find a solution that works best for you and your family.

So you're the companies IT guy. Laptops, MS licenses, security etc. Did you explain the concept of "the cloud" to them?

A lot of places have targets in place now for people in the office. x amount of staff etc so maybe not a lot more you can do there.

Theres a ridiculous amount of jobs out there at the moment for you. Get a new job! Or get an offer and then go back to your current crowd with it.

Have they said "you have to return to the office, or else you'll be fired"? Remember, HR and/or managers may not want you working remotely, but they also definitely don't want to have to fire you and hire someone new, which is disruptive, costly and risky. By all means, start putting the feelers out for a potential job move, but I certainly wouldn't be resigning from a job you like. Just politely refuse all requests to return to the office and continue to complete your work. At some stage, they will have to weigh up which path they want to go down. If they do decide to fire you, they will have to go down the proper route, disciplinary procedures, full notice etc.

Respectfully, you are acting as if the fact your parents are old means you should be allowed to set your own employment status, and seem confused that your employer doesn't understand that and you want somebody else to come along and set them straight. But it just isn't the case. Your employer is not responsible for your personal life or what happens outside of work.

Acting as a carer for two people is effectively another job, so in essence you are telling your employer that you want to work remotely so that you can do another job at the same time as the one they are paying you for. I mean, do you think they would hire somebody who told them up front that they weren't going to do their work during their contracted hours, but would try to squeeze it in at weekends or while waiting in a cafe? Is that really what they signed up for?

Basically your entire OP boils down to a simple concept, it doesn't suit you to work in the office and you don't want to do it. So you do what anybody in that situation does, find another job that does suit your circumstances.

Or you can talk to your employer and try to reach a compromise, but I would advise a different approach than trying to force them into letting you do whatever you want.

I know you probably don't want to hear any of this but so be it, I just know as an employer that if a staff member said he/she was too busy with other things to come into the office one day a week, it would be remiss of me as a manager not to question if we were getting what we paid for.

OP I think you just need to reach a compromise and go to the office 1 day per week or 2 days per month etc. As your manager I would be concerned if you are refusing to come to the office at all and nobody has seen you for 3 years! I would also be concerned that if your parents need so much care and cant be left alone ( or with a carer) for 12 hours, then how are you actually performing your job at all with such huge demands. It does sound like your job is actually understanding of your situation in that a chunk of your day must be taken up with caring duties - a new job may not be that understanding.

Could a carer/relative/neighbour not stay with your parents or check in on them during the days you are in the office?

I also think you need to ask yourself are you looking for excuses not to go the office - I do really think you could make it in if you really wanted to.

Most big tech and cloud providers are getting their staff in several days a week. Despite what they sell they know that in general remote working is worse for continuous improvement, innovation, knowledge transfer and mentoring. It's not just about doing your tasks, you need to be able to outline what improvements, innovations etc. you have added to the company in the last 3 years. In ICT if the staff are not innovating the company will die.

Then you need to give them some more so that management believe it is worth the staff management hassle of dealing with other workers who don't feel you should get special treatment.

Other than that, get another job and hand in your notice, letting them know it is down to the remote working issue. If you are valuable enough they will give you what you want.

The other thing I would say is be careful what you tell HR. If you are remoting onto client systems from a coffee shop then you are most likely in breach of the contract between the client and your company and also the health and safety regulations of your company. Once you tell them you reguarily work from a location regularly then they have an obligation to ensure it is a safe workspace or you could sue them. It is not as straightforward a matter as you may think.

Sounds like you should be on Carers Allowance.

As someone who moved from 1 100% WFH job to another in a new company, this was my first demand before accepting any offer. 100% WFH.

I was applying for and interviewing for multiple roles and all were ok with 100% WFH.

Best of luck with the job search. You are better working for a company where WFH is the accepted norm. THe current situation will always be stressful as HR rules etc.... change over the coming years.

There will probably be ongoing resentement from team members who have not got the concession and see from their perspective equally valid responsibilities. Child Care etc....

It sounds lake there has been a change in management over the past few years and all flexibility and common sense has gone.

Woah, the whole of €354 a week caring for two people? Compared to the after tax weekly income of €1000+ in an IT job?

If I was getting a 1000 euro's after tax I wouldn't be questioning to my boss when I could come to office. Carers would be decided by the parents needing 24/7 care not "99% of the time, they are grand on their own."....

Their issue is that they wanted only one day a week and you wouldn't do it. Frankly that was foolish, you should have given them the bare minimum they asked for and avoided the escalation, because clearly it made them look at the situation and see what was really happening.

No nobody would leave an 8 year old home alone - parents pay someone to look after their kids while they are at work. Parents cant use their kids as a reason why they can never to go the office - likewise you cannot use your parents as a reason why you never can go to the office.

They asked for one day initially but you didn't engage with that from your posts above. So you weren't willing to meet half way at the time. So complaining now that they wont meet you half way seems a bit strange.

I know in my work from home agreement it states that i cannot use that to mind people. There has to be someone else there as a caregiver. 99.9% of the time that is to stop people childminding but i assume they cannot just say child as that is discrimatory.

You have now admitted to your company that you are using company time to take care of your parents. You work from coffee shops during working time as you are running errands, and that you work weekends extending your working week.

To be honest id say you need to leave. I would expect your company to get a lot stricter with you going forward.

Your line manager should play a key role here. Have an open discussion, pointing out how good you are at your job, the futility of working in the office for your particular role and highlight the need for flexibility. You won't get full time WFH, as that would open up all kinds of questions for others in the organisation. You might get it down to 1 day a week initially, with possible improvements over time.

Either you can live with that, or you need to start job hunting.

They can also work up to 18.5 hours per week and earn up to €350 net of PRSI pension contributions and keep all of the carers.

Carers includes the €1850 x2 Carers Support Grant in June and Free Travel so it’s actually quite good.

As the OP is living at home I assume that there is minimal rent if any at all.

Their employer doesn’t have to accommodate them to the extent they appear to think they are entitled to be accommodated at all, and no, there’s nobody out there to put the employer “in their place”.

They can try and make a complaint to the WRC though on which grounds I’m not sure, and the WRC may offer mediation but it’s not going to happen any time soon.

Carers allowance is means tested. You might get carers benefit for up to two years per parent and that’s not means tested.