How do I go about meeting someone?

ifeelabreeze · 19-06-2023 10:32am #1

I'm 26, living & working in the midlands having recently moved out from home. I'm stuck in the midlands unfortunately, but thankfully I'm really enjoying the graduate job.

I'm on Tinder, Bumble and the likes - Zero luck. I hate photos which probably doesn't help, I rarely get any matches.

I go out with my friends but again no real luck.

I go to the gym, I'm maybe carrying a little extra weight but I wouldn't say it's noticeable. I've been shaving my head for a few years now and I've noticed a considerable drop off in interest since the buzz. Hair transplant isn't an option.

I don't know what clubs/groups/natural ways to meet people, don't fancy meeting anyone at work, plus everyone I work with is middle age.

I have friends who I meet, but I know most of their friends.

I go to 5 aside, it's all lads. Tried BJJ but wasn't for me. I don't know what options there are to meet people unless I'm going out drinking, even when I do that it's usually in Galway! So moving out seems like a bit of a waste, considering I had originally thought moving out might help in this regard.

So how do I go about meeting someone?

Bobby_Bolivia · 19-06-2023 12:04pm

Apps are going to be very heavily looks based.

I may get stick for saying this (possibly deserved), but a friend of mine told another friend of mine, if you want to do alright with the opposite sex, you can be bald or carrying a some extra pounds, but not both.

My advice would be to devote time to getting into proper shape. Get rid of the extra pounds, get yourself down to 15-16% body fat. Once you've done that, have a look at your wardrobe and make sure it looks the part. How are the teeth? Get yourself to the dentist, maybe a whitening regimen could be required? You can basically stop when it gets to a level you're happy with. Then start taking photos of yourself wherever you go. Set up the camera and just let it snap away. Or record a video and use some of the stills for photos. Keep doing this. Remake your accounts and start fresh.

As someone who was carrying extra pounds and thought it wasn't overly noticeable, christ, it was so noticable. I look like a different person now, and not just that, general confidence is through the roof which almost radiates off me now. Whereas before I would have had zero confidence.

Yoga is absolutely guaranteed to have a favourable ratio of women to men, but I wouldn't be joining with the sole purpose of meeting women. Go because it's good for you, and if you get chatting to someone there after a few weeks, then great. Another recommendation is Cooking classes, again, go with the intention of learning how to cook because it's a worthwhile skill, not to pickup women.

Parkrun is another option, if you're at all into running, go for a few weeks and people will notice you as a regular and you'll end up chatting before the start - and maybe getting a coffee afterwards.

Tea_Lover · 19-06-2023 12:47pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058301468/how-the-do-i-go-about-meeting-someone

i wouldn't sweat it op

i find them apps shocking and the amount of women who have " any genuine men " in their tagline are not genuine at all

superficial , and all about looks , tonnes of stunning looking ladies but can't get dates or right guy ? they on the app because they are high maintenance and up their own rear ends

maybe join up to " meet up " its not a dating app , but an app that allows you to follow groups who are into similar hobbies as you and have nights out etc , could meet someone on the night outs

but regarding the apps , i wouldn't sweat it at all

ifeelabreeze · 19-06-2023 1:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120734130#Comment_120734130

I was very thin for a long time, almost too thin - working on my feet and doing a lot of running did that, the stress fracture did the opposite!

It's weird a few family members said it looked better on me, but now I feel like I've sort of gone the opposite end of things, annoyingly I'm off to Zante in a month!

I started going the gym for that reason, also started using what left over minoxidil I had for my head on my face instead to grow a beard (heavily documented, busy Subreddit on it), could probably do with a little bit of whitening just because I'm too fond of coffee.

I couldn't really see myself joining yoga or cooking, beyond that - what do 20 something females do!?

A friend of my friends was telling me how she's getting into hiking, joined a group and found she's the youngest by close to 20 years! I seen a lot online about a loss of third spaces, places other than your home and work.

Park run is something I could get into

Paulownia · 19-06-2023 1:15pm

Go to places where you can strike up conversations, shops cafes the swimming pool and chat to everyone and make contacts and you will find someone somewhere that you least expected

Bobby_Bolivia · 19-06-2023 1:21pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120734621#Comment_120734621

I find a lot of clubs or groups that will have some sort of equal representation between sexes are going to have membership weighted toward people in their mid to late 30's and older.

Clubs and groups are often given as a place to meet people, but I think you should approach these as an opportunity to be more social, grow your conversation skills and learn a new hobby - whether or not there are women involved.

In Ireland, sadly, I'd estimate over 90% of couples met either on apps, pubs/clubs and work. Or they knew each other from school/college/locally/extended friend group. As the final two aren't a goer for you, it's the apps and pubs that you'll end up focusing on. And personally, I'm not really a big drinker at all - quite the opposite, so pubs probably aren't the ideal place for me to meet people.

Try and sort out your profile, but more importantly put some time into yourself and a better profile will come as a result. I have two friends who are not really at the races looks wise, both of them managed to meet a long term partner on the apps. You really don't have to be exceptional to do well. Over 60% of adults are overweight or obese in Ireland, according to the HSE. It doesn't take much to be better than average.

Caranica · 19-06-2023 1:27pm

Can you sing, even kinda? Musical societies are a great place to meet people and women generally outnumber men between 3 and 10 to 1. Those are good odds. Loads of societies in the Midlands.

ifeelabreeze · 19-06-2023 3:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120734792#Comment_120734792

I can actually, I've played guitar and sang for years!

Did one musical in school and can't say I was an overtly big fan of acting, at least not the less nuanced stage style acting..

19-06-2023 3:14pm

If relying on the apps, as a female I’ve a couple of tips. A good biography is essential. Even try ChatGPT to help create one if your must. Black & white photos can be very flattering to gentlemen. Avoid photos holding pint glasses, a picture of you engaging in a hobby is always good. Make the effort to take a great selfie or be brave and get a pal to take some flattering pics. Personally I wish the apps would support short video clips as you could get a better impression of how the person might be like in reality.

Paulownia · 19-06-2023 3:36pm

I have never met anyone who found a lasting relationship on an app

mrcheez · 19-06-2023 3:45pm

I met my current gf just out of the blue when I went into a restaurant she was working in and we started chatting and getting on well, and by the end of the meal I asked her out. Had no intention of meeting anyone or going in to chat anyone up. In fact I was considering facing a solitary life as I've no interest in apps, and prefer the old fashioned approach of boy meets girl (which is sadly fading nowadays), so it can just happen randomly, so hang in there.

Caranica · 19-06-2023 6:19pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120735372#Comment_120735372

So many different musicals and directors out there. Definitely worth a shot when they start up in the autumn.

Apiarist · 19-06-2023 6:23pm

Some of my friends found their matches attending weddings.

Ann84 · 19-06-2023 9:07pm

Tag rugby

HildaOgdenx · 19-06-2023 9:10pm

Mod - Off topic posts deleted.

Posters are reminded that PI is an Advice Forum and that their posts should contain advice for the OP.

Hilda

Dial Hard · 19-06-2023 10:19pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120735569#Comment_120735569

I met my partner on Bumble. We're both separated/divorced and in our 40s. Have been together well over a year and are fully committed and very much in love.

The apps can and do work but you need to:

- have an honest profile with a range of photos on it

- be prepared to deal with time-wasters and people looking for pen-pals. It's something of a numbers game.

- ask people out fairly quickly. This applies for men and women. If either party hasn't asked for a date after a week, they're not serious. And if the actual date doesn't happen within a week or so after that (extenuating circumstances aside) then one or both of you is a time-waster.

- have the skin of a rhino. Genuinely, online dating is not for the faint of heart. If you're going to take every non-reply to heart then this isn't the space for you.

mailforkev · 19-06-2023 10:52pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120735569#Comment_120735569

A couple of my pals did. One of them has three kids with the girl he met on Tinder, the other has just bought a house with a girl he met on Bumble.

Both lads are really sound blokes who met really sound women. I haven’t been single in a long time but I presume the apps are like life, the cream rises.

Mind you, do also get in decent shape and learn how to dress properly, it’ll benefit you in general.

Uncharted2 · 29-06-2023 12:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058301468/how-do-i-go-about-meeting-someone

I have never liked meeting people online, the original way of meeting someone in person and having that face to face interaction with them. Meeting someone in a pub, cinema, etc or join a club that could meet someone that has mutual interests.

spaceHopper · 29-06-2023 2:13pm

I think you can't fake it so, going to yoga or other places to meet women is going to be seen through.

Improve your photos on the apps. Get a friend to go through your profile and clean it up / improve it.

Do hobbies you like or try new ones that you are actually interested in.

Go to events or festivals. Let your friends know you are interested is meeting somebody, you must have friends that can put in a good word or even setup a blind date, you'd be surprised how often that leads somewhere, it's like an app but with references, they know you.

Have a party, you are living away from home, so have a BBQ or party.

You're off on holidays, get to know the reps, they'll know other women on holidays too.

You're in a new place so focus on getting to know people, go running again or do GAA.

baldbear · 29-06-2023 2:18pm

OP , alot of women don't care if you are loosing hair or carry a small bit of timber. They just want a decent fella who will treat them well.

Don't get hung up at 26 been single. Enjoy the company of your friends, you will meet someone sometime. Maybe through a friend or a friend's partner.

I met my Mrs in a pub in the Midlands. So the Midlands aren't all that bad.

spaceHopper · 30-06-2023 9:14am

One thing that shouldn't be overlooked is that covid has messed up may young people's social lives, I'm grand I've got a wife and two kids but 23 and can't go out I don't know what I would have done. Don't be so hard on yourself.

How do I go about meeting someone?

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