Opinions on this

Wezz · 27-06-2023 3:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120772676#Comment_120772676

Right so its not longer just banter, its now banter and alcohol

Tell me this, is banter ok if she's sober. Is alcohol ok if she's not talking to anyone.

You sound like you've already made up your mind that cheating is a foregone conclusion and I suspect your issues will only grow if she gives into any of your wishes.

You don't trust her so do the decent thing for both of you and call it a day. You can't live your life always waiting for something bad to happen and she shouldn't have to change her behaviour to manage your insecurities.

jc100179 · 27-06-2023 3:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773254#Comment_120773254

No, total strangers.

jc100179 · 27-06-2023 3:01pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773246#Comment_120773246

You don’t think getting drunk, having fun and craic increases the likelihood of attraction with the opposite sex?

suvigirl · 27-06-2023 3:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773208#Comment_120773208

Sorry, the OP doesn't want replies from people who think flirting is ok!!

suvigirl · 27-06-2023 3:05pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773313#Comment_120773313

You do know people can even be attracted to other people when they have partners right?

It's what they do that counts.

crusd · 27-06-2023 3:06pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773313#Comment_120773313

Were you when you were single incapable of socialising with female friends without lunging on them?

It is also possible to be attracted to someone and not do anything about it. Most normal people find multiple people who are not their partner attractive, without ever considering doing anything about it.

jc100179 · 27-06-2023 3:38pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773346#Comment_120773346

Of course, but you add alcohol and that attraction. It’s a recipe for trouble and putting yourself in that position is disrespectful

AerLingus747 · 27-06-2023 3:38pm

Get your ass to therapy my friend... this is not a healthy way of having relationships, and as numerous have said in kind and unkind ways, it's towards the path of coercive control....

as much mental gymnastics you want to do to try and justify your viewpoint, it still boils down to 1 question...

Do you trust her or not?

Now, there is such a thing of emotional cheating etc... but I don't even think we're even there yet...

Do yourself and her a favour, park the relationship for know, talk to a therapist, smash around with some strange, and come back to relationships when you have a healthier perspective...

Not having a go, speaking from a viewpoint of someone who was the same.

crusd · 27-06-2023 3:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773512#Comment_120773512

To be honest, that you believe this says more about you than anyone else.

spaceHopper · 27-06-2023 3:56pm

Are these harmless chats or is she flirting with them?

She’s free to go out and do what she wants but if she’s going out and flirting with other men, well she’s either going to do something or she’s prick teasing them. If she’s doing it in front of OP then it’s rubbing his nose in it. When some drunk guy makes a move on her and won't take no for answer, is she expecting him to rescue her?

My advice OP would be to ask her what's going on and if you don't like it explain it from your side. You may need to move on.

Also are you "seeing her" and you are both free to see other people or are you couple.

o1s1n · 27-06-2023 4:10pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773605#Comment_120773605

Jesus, the attitude in this post is almost as bad as the OP.

'Prick teasing'? 'won't take no for an answer'? Are guys in your world just not responsible for their actions in any way?

If the OPs girlfriend comes across some lad who makes a move and 'won't take no for an answer' I think she has bigger problems in the immediate situation that anyone worrying about her conduct.

witchgirl26 · 27-06-2023 4:24pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773313#Comment_120773313

You know she's probably attracted to other people no matter alcohol involved or not. I can openly say that I find other people than my partner attractive. It doesn't mean I'm going to act on it at all because at the end of the day I love my partner & I'm not going to put attraction above everything we have.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773512#Comment_120773512

It's not a recipe for trouble unless you don't trust her. I have had alcohol around people I find attractive. Yes I might flirt a little with them but I'm not doing anything else, alcohol or no. Again it comes down to trusting that she wants to be with you & talking or having banter with members of the opposite sex is not a threat to that or to your relationship. Is she only meant to talk to members of the opposite sex that she already knows? Not allowed to make any other friends of the opposite sex once she's in a relationship? I'd find that disrespectful.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773605#Comment_120773605

Are you serious?! Flirting does not always have to lead to something and men that think that just because a woman somewhat flirts with them or has some banter with them, that woman is up for it, is 10 times worse than any kind of "prick tease". If a guy won't take no for an answer, then that's the time for her to call the bouncers, the barman & even the gardai. And it shows your low opinion of women if you think that someone having banter with the opposite sex is "rubbing his nose in it". In what exactly? Coz she's with him? I could understand that sentiment more if it was an ex that she was chatting to others in front of but what exactly would she get out of rubbing her partners nose in it?

Hannibal_Smith · 27-06-2023 5:04pm

@jc100179 are you looking for advice on how to deal with the disagreeing views between yourself and your girlfriend? Because PI is an Advice forum, as opposed to a discussion forum. If you're not looking for advice, I'll move it to a more suitable forum.

HS

27-06-2023 5:13pm

Are you wrong? Yes

Theres ample opportunity to cheat and it doesnt need craic, banter, flirting or alcohol to happen. People often think they have an opportunity or pick up things wrong the whole time and it also doesnt need craic, banter, flirting or alcohol, but this isnt about them.

Some can have craic and banter without spending the night around a guy or it turning flirty at all.

Im incredibly chatty and will chat and have craic with anyone, now if I felt that they were picking it up wrong id stop or remove myself from it but its not stopping me from doing it again cause thats on them and im not changing myself for it.

Thinking a partner, who you're supposed to love and respect and treat as an equal, chatting to someone is disrespectful to you is just ridiculous to be honest.

HazeDoll · 27-06-2023 6:03pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773512#Comment_120773512

The positions she puts herself in are her business. You have entered into a relationship with her, you haven't acquired the rights to her in a contract.

The fact that you see her behaviour in a situation that doesn't involve you as disrespectful is an indication that you feel a sense of ownership. Have a proper think about why this is. It's not a good sign.

Maybe she's devoted to you and wouldn't dream of cheating. Maybe she half-considers herself to be still on the lookout for a better boyfriend. Maybe she has already cheated! Whatever the situation you don't have a right to tell her who she's not allowed to talk to and how she should behave in social situations. If you can't cope with a woman who has a busy social life you might be with the wrong woman.

YellowLead · 27-06-2023 6:23pm

Craic and banter is all part of the fun of a night out. Limiting it to one gender only is a bit of an odd take, and must be rooted in your own insecurity OP. As countless other posters have said, if you trusted your girlfriend none of this would be an issue for you.

If you will want a girlfriend who will ignore all men except for you, that might be a bit of a tricky find - in Ireland anyway. But you are best off going your separate ways.

Goldengirl · 27-06-2023 7:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120773690#Comment_120773690

Yes. What should he do ...turn around and say " your own fault for flirting , you deserved that " ??

Thought these attitudes went out with the flood ( hoped)

Even if it is craic banter and flirting with alcohol it is her prerogative .

If the op doesn't like the way she ' behaves 'it's time to fess up and move on.

Going to be hard to find someone who never makes someone else jealous but there are some trad gfs/ wives out there by all accounts .

But the op will have to live with ' his girl 'coming into contact and talking to other men every day or else lock her up .

What a life !

The jealousy op is your problem , not hers .

Dtp1979 · 27-06-2023 7:14pm

People are slightly exaggerating the op’s issue. He clearly said he didn’t have a problem with his girlfriend talking to men, as the post above would lead you to believe.

Op you have your own morals and you shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t fit your needs. Find someone on your own wavelength.

she’s not wrong in what she’s doing, neither are you. You’re just expressing what you expect from a partner. She doesn’t fit so move on.

Danzy · 27-06-2023 9:34pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058302601/opinions-on-this

Wrong is putting it mildly.

No one half way normal would tolerate your view. Change it or move to Saudi Arabia.

Ann84 · 28-06-2023 7:22am

OP, this “I’d find that highly disrespectful” - this is your problem… it’s not disrespectful and you need to change your perspective or find someone else.

if you try to impose this kind of attitude on your girlfriend, she’ll likely break up with you. This is definitely a you problem.

Flirting is a part of human nature, it doesn’t just happen in the pub with alcohol and hen parties (random) - it can literally happen in the local shop on a Thursday morning… people don’t die inside when they enter a relationship, it’s normal for people to find each other attractive, a quick spark, a bit of banter etc. If your expecting your girlfriend to change something completely normal because you take issue with it, that is controlling and not normal.

There are many many many leaps between flirting and cheating by the way.

Im in a relationship 12 years, both my husband and myself have craic banter and have flirted with people I’m 100% sure of that, not in front of each other (that would be weird) but we know it happens and neither of us care - we are chatty “fun” people. Neither of us have ever crossed the cheating line though and wouldn’t do that to each other or risk what we have.

You need to examine what your issue is, if you are worried she’s going to cheat - why do you feel like that? If you want to make her feel bad for harmless behaviour so that you can ultimately change her, you won’t - she’ll just start lying to you or hiding it from you and that’s worse… or ultimately she’ll break up with you.

if my husband said something like you said when we were dating, I’d have been gone and I’m sure visa versa… life is too short to be with a controlling person who is constantly judging your behaviour.

jc100179 · 28-06-2023 10:00am

This seems to have escalated! No, my girlfriend doesn’t flirt with other men. She’s not that trashy. I can not believe there’s women on here openly flirting with other men while in relationships! Unreal.

funnily enough any girl I ever see stuck in the middle of a bunch of guys is usually classed as the easy one, cause she more often than not heads off with one of these guys regardless of whether or not she’s attached.

AerLingus747 · 28-06-2023 10:23am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120776446#Comment_120776446

I'll take what is a misogynist for 500 please Alex.

magicbastarder · 28-06-2023 10:28am

i think this thread has run its course.

o1s1n · 28-06-2023 10:36am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120776446#Comment_120776446

And the mask slips. I hope for your girlfriend's sake she sees your true colours sooner rather than later.

Hannibal_Smith · 28-06-2023 10:57am

As you have not replied to my note above and it seems clear a discussion is what you're after rather than seeking advice I'm closing this one off.

Just to point out OP the Charter applies to those creating threads as well as to those replying. If you cannot reply to posts without insulting those taking time out of their day to help you, then PI will not work for you.

Thanks to all who offered advice.

HS

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