To Golf is to Suffer

Golf is an unbelievably frustrating game for even the best of players and it sounds like you may need to adjust your temperament if you're ever to enjoy it. Without knowing anything else about you it does sound to me like your mentality may be the biggest issue, head down after a mistake etc. I'd be concerned about your pros comment and playing partners avoiding you. Thats not good for anybody including yourself. Would you consider taking a year off or 6 months even and seeing how that goes? I know lots of people just hit a wall with the game and take some time off. Maybe a reset might help.

If not I'd recommend looking into the likes of lou stagner and similar around managing your expectations, it seems like maybe you expect too much from yourself and then get frustrated if you don't execute.

Very hard to know from a distance but I wish you all the best either way.

Stop carrying a scorecard for a while.

Or play some open team comps where your personal score isn’t the focus.

Recognise your good enough to blow up a hole and still put in a good score. This was a big one for me , and had me turn in some decent scores on crap golf

Understand that you can have a run of bad rounds and try to take the enjoyment of it that you can however you can. Take the opportunity to hit shots you wouldn’t normally take on. Hit stingers off the tee, flight your wedges, hit 3/4 punch shots. Make it fun with the understanding that you won’t pull off most of them but give it a go anyway

Its too easy to put pressure on ourselves to shoot what score we perceive as acceptable, when we started we would be happy to make contact twice in a row

If playing partners and your PGA pro are avoiding you there’s something that probably needs to be looked at off the course that’s obviously spilling over onto the course. Hope it works out and you get back on form

Don't quit.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to perform. You need to forget about your handicap, forget about shooting 109 again and just go out and play golf.

One shot at a time. Stand up on the first tee and just think.... Somewhere in play.

Second shot, somewhere around the green. Just simplify everything.

You obviously have the game as you got down to a low double digit handicap but you have been stewing on that oil rig for the last 3 months itching to play again and get to single figures and that's a lot of anxiety and pressure built up in the mind... which sadly transitions into your body as well.

Just take it easy. You're not playing for your livelihood. You clearly love the game so just go back out there and LOVE the game again.

Your handicap will come down again. Naturally. Just play freely and forget about trying to hit single digits for this summer. One shot at a time and your handicap will take care of itself.

Remember where you are. You're on a beautiful big green piece of land, with trees and water and all other sorts of natural nature around you. Take it all in with a smile on your face and everything else will take care of itself. One shot at a time.

Op, it can be as frustrating as hell, there's no doubt.

Don't quit, don't give up. Honestly, get a copy of Bob Rotella's "Golf is not a game of perfect" and read it during your 3 months off. Its an easy read and you'll find yourself coming back and opening it up at random chapters and having a read. His other early one "Golf is a game of confidence" is also worth a read if you can pick up both, but the first one is IMHO by far the best. Amazon is likely your best bet, haven't seen them in a shop in a good while. I'm reasonably sure they're both available in audio format too if books aren't your thing, but they're genuinely very easy reads, and you'll find yourself almost nodding and saying "jaysus, yeah" to yourself when reading.

I'd echo alot of the other advice here already. The advice about playing 4 ball or team golf instead of singles golf is very good imho. It's so much more fun and less pressure to play golf like that.

Also, do express yourself when you play a bad (or a good) shot. That's a healthy thing to do. Don't bottle or internalise your anger after a bad shot as you'll just self implode. Much better to get it out of your system & get on with it.

Finally, Bob Rottella's books are a great tip, they're a great read for any golfer.

Lastly, one reason you may be playing worse is loss of fitness or condition. It might serve you better to golf a little less and work out or do pilates on your off days. This is highly likely to improve your fitness, outlook, golf and general well being. All good things!!!

Something you mentioned there, If im in the middle of a bad round that I know wont be going anywhere, I just turn it into a practice round mentally. Try shape shots off the tee , maybe going for the braver shots on par 5s etc. I find I get a lot more benefit out of it and find mentally it doesn't feel as bad once I've finished. I also make an effort to seem like I'm having fun playing this way so as to not drag my partners down, as that's one of the worst things in golf when someones mentally gone.

I think its all about focus and getting into the zone early. That's what I seem to do anytime I have a good round. I think about every shot before I play it and decide where I want to put the ball. When i play badly i don't do enough of that.

I’ve been there myself. Playing P&P growing up. Starting in ’95 and expecting perfection. Hitting the ball well? Euphoria. Not so well? Despondent. Those emotions would carry through into normal life resulting in me being a general bollox to be around because I’m not playing well. It is childish in hindsight. I’ve done lessons but got worse, flirted with quitting but made a decision to dig it out of the digital dirt i.e. scouring youtube for those “aha” moments and then experimenting/validating at the range/course. I think a big factor for me was leaving the ego at the door. I don’t have the range of motion or flexibility of a pro. I can’t hit the “perfect” positions. A great analogy is that if a bus pulled away from a stop then Usain Bolt would catch it because he is Usain Bolt. I could study Usain Bolts technique and implement it but that doesn’t mean I will catch that same bus and I’d be an idiot to expect any different or be frustrated by it. A tip which changed things years ago was a Monte Scheinblum video called Plane and Release by Feel. The insight gleaned from that was that I was, in trying to achieve a picture perfect backswing, over rotating which lead to early extension, off plane, flipping and a two way miss which was depressing. The leaving the ego at the door aspect was that my backswing effectively needed to stop much sooner to stay on plane. Think Rahm/Finau short back swing. I don’t have their speed/talent but making a change didn’t lead to a debilitating loss of distance since I was more efficient and hitting the sweet spot more consistently. It is now a drill I do every day and provides checkpoints to maintain consistency. Another benefit was I practically eliminated a two way miss and went back to my natural shot shape of a fade. Knowing confidently which way the ball tends to curve was a game changer in terms of course management. The ball rarely goes left now. And if it does? Even the best players in the world hit shockers. It happens less often for them but it happens. I am not one of the best players in the world and when they happen then so what. I don’t play as regularly as you these days but with range time, a putting matt, a back yard for pitching and the odd round I am in a good place with my golf.

Another more personal change was a friend of mine who I used to play pitch and putt with intermittently but who was a close friend. He died suddenly a few years ago. He was 42. Anytime I practice and play he is on my mind. It is a reminder to not take it so seriously and be thankful I am able to get out and be able to play the game I love. I would just suggest that the game itself is about boring consistency. Think Bernhard Langer as a model. Doing the same things over and over for decades with predictable expectations. Good golf as such is boring. I’d also suggest breaking rounds down into 3 hole stretches. You get 6 rounds as such and the chance to mentally start another “round” six times in a given 18 hole round. Another recommendation would be that since you have time would be to keep track of your stats. Don’t be obsessed with scores. The stats would be basic ones like fairways hit, greens in regulation, number of putts. Keeping track of what is improving or getting worse. You glean from that what you need to focus on in practice and consequently you’re scores will drop as you’re focusing on what needs fixing. Always remember that Golf is hard but being semi-competent at something so hard is gratifying in itself.

Some great posts here. If you love golf as much as we do on the forum here. We all hit very low points. I've gone a periods of years not playing good golf. But in that time , you still have a day something incredible can happen. An eagle , a hole in 1, a holed fairway shot - a mad drive , a ball you might punch under a tree, a draw to a right pin. It might be a great putt or amazing up and down. A faded drive.

You have days you beat your mates - win a 5er - win a matchplay - do well in a scramble - or just get a sea or sun view that does something deep inside.

We all have the ability , be it even 1 in 200 shots, to do something amazing - and they are not always flukes.

Your work is unusual - and I'd suggest try shake up who you are playing golf with - join a society - look at other events. You are possibly in deep habits from your work schedule that you need to break a bit.

You definitely sound like you are playing way too much. A break from golf is very important (for some) , something I have began to appreciate more over the last 2 or 3 years.

To offer some suggestions (some you may have done) (some laugh at)

1) Take a full month away - no even golf club , nothing

2) Join a gym - or take up swimming or cycling - yoga

3) Try a few odd things like , play guitar , go to a museum, a GAA game, a Rugby game , read a few books - something totally different to your routine - things that golf made you not do, whilst golf is a gift , too much takes away from other aspects of life.

4) And not to get too Dr Phil - try work out the source of why you think you are difficult or not chill - if you dive deep into this , you might be amazed the impact it has on your golf - you have one life, and many think your golf is a reflection of how your life is.

On golf front

1) Join up on a GI short game / coaching group session - try meet other people at this

2) Consider a society , to totally shake you up and your routine

3) Change your range - and every aspect of your practice

4) Get a new pro - there are lots out there that suit different personalities. (maybe consider point 4 above first (LOL) )

5) Go to a pro or top amateur event

6) Try a new golf podcast - a mad one like Breaking Par - it gives you perspective on how hard things are.

7) Have some new goals - easy ones - realistic ones.

8) Buy something new - golf related

9) Go to a resort - go to Spain - go to Donegal - something mad.

Anyway - have to go - but the answer is yes - we all hit that wall.

But we always get past it - and why we are here.

Interesting thread - it is a tough game mentally and I definitely need to have a look at my mental game.

I played my first team event with my club last week, foresomes. It was away at a course I only played once two weeks earlier which I guess didn't help but we played 6 practice holes beforehand and I was hitting it well. For the start of the match, I just got so nervous. I tightened up and just couldn't get any rhythm or hit it cleanly. I felt so bad for my playing partner as kept putting him in trouble. The harder I tried, the worst it got. Drive OOB, duffed wedges..

I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. Such a dent in confidence and a feeling of embarrassment. I wanted to cry in car on way home (for a bloody game!!) but I was just tormented.

We were well beaten in our match but at least club got through overall. I won't get picked again this year but hopefully I can learn something from it. I usually hit it a net every day at a minimum but just had a few days break and going to go back out this evening.

That feeling of hopelessness I had standing over the ball was just horrid :-(