Family 5 moving home to Ireland from USA

I would urge caution.

"Schools are good where we live, kids are happy, everything is ultra convenient in day to day living"

• These are very important considerations. You are going to be putting some or all of this at risk. Think carefully before considering what you are prioritising above this.

"but we feel we are very much alone as a family of 5 here."

• Every family of 5 is "alone" to some degree. The business of being a family is somewhat isolating. You think that isolation will disappear moving to Limerick or Cork? It won't. Dublin? It won't.

I'll tell you about a family very close to me. The couple moved away in early 2000s, a short term plan. Had three kids... and never stopped talking about their long term plan to move "back to Ireland". Their kids were always dreaming about what it would be like "back in Ireland".

They moved back with a 13, 11, and 8 year old. They lasted less than a year. All their friends had "changed" (they hadn't, they were just 15 years older with kids of their own). Nobody was grateful or excited to have them around, people had their own lives to live. Nobody was in their 20s anymore.

"We would like to be closer to our aging parents to help out and visit, to have our kids connecting to family and cousins etc, to have some craic again."

• I understand the parents thing. But putting your children's happiness and your family harmony behind your aging parents is unwise, IMO.
• The cousins thing... so you visit the cousins, and they don't necessarily get along straight away, then what? You are trying to enforce a friendship when they already have friends and a network etc in school.
• Have some craic again... you make your own craic, you can make time for hobbies, social activities, and friendships where you are... but you don't because presumably you are focused on your young family of five. NOBODY with 3 kids has time for any craic, without a lot of work.

Bottom line: tread carefully.

Different times but my family lived in one part of Ireland until I was nearly seven & then we moved to another European country. I hated it. I was put into a lower school year to help make friends, figure out how things worked without having to try too hard in lessons. I thought they thought I was stupid as schoolwork was so easy. The other kids thought I was a bit too clever as I was obviously repeating things I’d already learned while they were doing it all for the first time. I hated it more, especially when the bullying started & I begged to go home. Turns out my father was unhappy too so after eighteen months or so, we came home. But to a different part of Ireland. I was devastated initially but now wherever I go, that part of Ireland is always home. Some of my happiest memories are there. I always feel a little bit “other” even now but everyone has something that makes them a little bit different I suppose.

A different time perhaps, but we moved home to Ireland when I was 11, in the 80s. Massive shock for me, being used to living in the middle of a city, to move to a small rural town near the border.

Honestly don't think I spoke much to my mam for a few months, but I settled grand, as did my younger siblings. I could have had an exemption from irish, but my mam made me do it. I caught up within a year and did honours in the leaving cert.

it was different times in the 80s & we didn't come from anywhere fancy & definitely didn't have much, but it was still a shock.

I'm definitely glad we came home & my siblings too.

Just to maybe give you another perspective.

Isn't it possible to have dual citizenship with Ireland and US ... so that's not quite true ?

The tyranny of choice it seems.

Try and find out where your older kids feel home is, because if you move back to Ireland and they decide to head back to the USA, you will have the same situation in reverse, so ask them what they think/ feel. Little as they may seem, they’ll know the answer.

Same true in Ireland about healthcare - GP isn't free and many choose to have a private medical insurance while other European countries offer a better and more affordable healthcare out of tax. Education level in Ireland is below average, bit this trend is in most places. Irish education system is inefficient: too many classes, but the results are still not that great. Same with health - we put into it a lot of money from tax, but we don't get what we should... Infrastructure in Ireland is many years behind too. But hey, there's plenty of opportunities to become a manager even if someone doesn't have a third level education but works in the company for X number of years. That's why we have so many bad managers too.

Nice thread, OP. You ask good questions. I have a few points/things to consider.

1. Have you and hubby US citizenship? If ye are not dual citizens, that means the move will basically be permanent. But if you have citizenship, then you always retain the option of trying the American lifestyle again. I'd politely suggest you look into citizenship for the child on a Green Card before any move -- his/her GC will be made null and void if you move him home (permanent residence means that), but citizenship does not go away.
2. I know you know this, but Ireland is not the same place as it was ten years ago. Just as you have changed, so has Ireland. Some of it good, some of it bad. But it's not the place you remember. Your friends are not the people you remember anymore. So just be aware of that.
3. Absolutely absolutely absolutely book an appointment (or ten) with a financial advisor. Keep your 401k or whatever you can and let it grow. Discuss the exact strategies with an advisor long before any move to Irish tax residence, as you can get absolutely smashed if you're not careful.
4. The weather isn't as bad as I remembered it, it doesn't rain that much, but there is substantial differences between e.g. Galway and Dublin. Keep that in mind.
5. This point will obviously be deeply biased by what I personally like, but I would recommend living within 1 hour's drive of Dublin Airport. The reason for this is weekend trips away to the likes of France or Croatia are very affordable and open up the move "to Ireland" to the move "to Europe". The kids will have a blast. That option is more complicated if you live 3 hours from Dublin, landing at 10pm on a Sunday evening, and being wrecked the next day.
6. The health service is not as bad as people say. If you get cancer, Ireland is top class. Its care of old people who get sick is incredible. There is basically zero risk of medical debt. Medical insurance costs literally one-tenth of what it is in the US. If you've private insurance you can bring Little Johnnie to a Laya Clinic when he breaks his wrist and even skip the HSE queue. Irish healthcare is, in my opinion, better overall and obviously cheaper than the American option. (The problem is finding a GP, or public waiting lists. I don't think that's much of a problem for someone in your financial position.)
7. It can be hard to make friends. You will have to invest in that. Go to meetups or try salsa dancing and all the rest, just to make a few friends. It can be hard to make friends but you only need three or four to make a big difference.
8. The big difference I find in Ireland compared to the US is that things are less stressful. There's no low-level anxiety about guns or anything. Politics is less divisive. Your heart-rate will drop a little. It's also a bit slower to get things done. It's up to you what your priorities are.
9. In my view, you have the option of the best of both worlds. Keep your pension in a low-fee Vanguard account but send your kids to UCD/Trinity/UCC for pennies. Visit Disneyland in the summer and stock up at the outlet malls.
10. If you do make the move, you won't be able to evaluate anything until after 365 days. Expect the first year to be filled with signing up to the ESB and finding a house and transfering your driving licence and sending everyone your new Irish number. Only after that will you be living. Evaluate that second year, and ask whether Indiana and Kilcock is better for you.

Also living in the Midwest.

I have to agree with you, the living standards are the main reason I haven’t returned to Ireland on a full-time basis.

I know exactly what you are talking about with parents. But, you need to put your family first. I miss my mother immensely, not to mention my siblings and their families. However, I visit three or four times a year and phone every couple of days.

could I have this standard of living in Ireland ? No!

I have a home in Ireland but while herself would like to return, I’m still on the fence. Kids are all grown and out now, but my businesses are very busy and do I really want to sell up and face having Irish Taxes on income?

when we go home, things haven’t changed, friends I probably see more of them while living in the States compared to other friends in Ireland.

Doing a price comparison with the costs of living, income generation and taxes, there is NO WAY you will be better off in Ireland.

In my experience the joy of being home doesn't last more than a few weeks and it's all surface level stuff. People will be happy to welcome you all but it doesn't really affect their lives and it'll be just too much of an effort to really reintegrate you and your family into their lives in a meaningful way. It's better to keep the dream of returning to the place you left rather than face the reality of going back to a very different place.

The logistics and cost of moving a family with three kids to a different country must be a nightmare, and when all is done it'll still be the five of you together in a house most of the time.

Usually I think there is one spouse driving such a move and when it doesn't end up the dream you thought it would be then that's going to cause tension.

I think your decision is going to have to be made on what you think is best for you individually, as a couple & as a family rather than what we think based on what we have or haven’t done. There’ll always be what ifs, whatever you do.

Knowledge is power. As others have said, figure out the financial implications & citizenship concerns as a priority. This may help with your decision also.

Maybe your children could spend the rest of the summer with family in your favoured area? Get familiar, maybe meet some friends, know for sure what you mean when you’re talking about home & who they might know at school. A big ask all round but might ease into a move.

Yep, I get it!

why not choose the cheaper options with travel? I’m lucky in that travel costs for me are for business. Going to Europe a few times a year, means stopping at home for a while, all the time working.

i don’t know your financial status, but bringing people over, then visiting yourself might bring some comfort and less home sickness.

For me, returning to the States gets harder and harder after each visit. That upset stomach and tightness, a week before I come back at the thoughts of saying good-bye again. When I land jump in my car and drive home it’s all fine. Until the next time.

for me, I think we will retire in Ireland. We hope to keep a house or two here and another elsewhere. To get away from the Irish weather. The kids are all sorted and of course we will look after them (not that most of them need it). They have said we need to look after ourselves, be happy and it’s only a flight to Ireland if they need us.

I’m glad we didn’t move when they were younger. They have had the chance to go to college in Ireland (well two) and the others here. Check out college eligibility for Irish kids with parents from Ireland. They all love going to Ireland for vacations, but none want to live there. The first thing they say is lack of prospects and it’s too small.

You have a lot to think about, it’s not easy .. I get it. As others have said, the gloss sometimes wears off once reality bites of Ireland.