Family 5 moving home to Ireland from USA

I have a friend who moved home from the US with kids around the same age. The kids had a hard time settling in, couldn’t get used to the lack of things to do/ shops and weather. Also got a hard time in school because they were very tanned and the other kids being mean used to call them the Mexicans. Anyways, the eldest kid has never settled, far as he’s concerned America is where he wants to be and I think he’ll head back there as soon as he can. I have another friend who moved back from Australia about 4 years ago with older kids to rural Laois. The kids hated it and the eldest 2 now 20 and 18 packed up and went back to Australia just after Christmas, they just couldn’t take the weather here. Im sure there are others who have moved back successfully but I know when we considered moving abroad we decided wherever we were when eldest started school is where we would stay. It very much depends on where the kids identify as home, and if they can adapt. Ireland for sure has good points but it’s a huge adjustment for kids used to bright lights and lovely weather. Good luck with it all, you’ll make the right decision, no matter what that is.

The 2 stories above of people whose "failed" is because they moved. It's impossibble to hear stories of people whose move home failed by staying where they are! I'm sure there is a name for this, maybe some spin on survivor bias?

You won't know until you go. But their points are valid, a lot of upheaval plus possible "the grass is greener" in Ireland, that this idyllic scenario you have of life in Ireland might not play out.

I'm single but lived abroad and I totally get the elderly parents bit. I'm glad to be back to help out as they turn 80.

It's a huge move for you to make, it could be good, could be sh!t as they say.

Ah yes the grab all association - E90 for my 6 year old for the year. E60 for gear n gumshield etc , pair of boots on top. 2 grand for her kids soccer in the US.

Iirc 40 billion of the 240 billion we owe is from the banks- the rest is from having world class welfare payments , COVID payments, benchmarking etc.

If you can come back more or less mortgage free you are in a great position op. Watched a documentary on opioid epidemic in the states it didn't look like the American dream for anyone with kids - scary stuff.

Even if hubby took a hit financially you could get jobshare in a school no bother. I was around when oul lad passed away last year n if I wasn't it would have eaten me up I reckon. If the kids are teenagers its a lot tougher - more hormones floating around!

I absolutely would not rely on having a community available if you return. People have busy lives with kids school, activities etc. and you probably experience a greater effort being made when you visit as it is infrequent. But I have found as the years move on that it is the people who you are interacting with on a daily basis, school parents, sports parents, that become your network. So certainly you can build a new one if you return but it might not be the one you think of now. Of course every family is different but I have seen this pattern repeated.

I can imagine the massive push factors of gun violence and college costs to be on your mind. In terms of college, bear in mind the residency rules if planning on returning for free fees Moving could potentially take time so make sure you are up to date on requirements, albeit paying non EU fees would be considerably lower than a US college education. Hard to tell right now but eg a medical or legal degree in Ireland is a lot lower cost if you think any of your kids will go down that route.

Consider also the Irish language requirement and the ages it begins for newly moved students. This may or may not have a bearing on your decision or timing as it adds another layer to the school experience if a new language that is not the everyday language is expected to be learned.

I imagine also that your children all have their own personalities and they would all react differently to a move...some of them might feel at home like they never left, others unsettled and wish to return to the old life. And there might be seasons to these feelings, they might change over time.

Have you thought about the things that might make life more enjoyable there i.e. a move to a different part of the country, maybe somewhere with a more European population or even more Irish to get the social/cultural connection you crave? Going back to work which might expand your social circle? Spending school holidays in Ireland to get the connections?

It is a massive decision, and as you have experienced, not irreversible. I hope you are able to make a decision that works for you all. Nowhere is perfect, Ireland has plenty of issues, weather, housing, healthcare etc.

And also another consideration...would you consider a whole new location, eg Australia, Canada, UK which are English speaking and might offer similar career opportunities but maybe offer more of what you miss where you are now? Not what you want to be closer to your family but might bridge the gap of other concerns.

On the salary change, it can feel like stepping back if you don't get the number you want. But do a proper review of your disposable income and not just the headline salary to reassure that your standard of living won't fall.

And you mention retirement. It's a long way off maybe but what is your plan and how would the move factor into that? What about your own projections for retirement income, is your property expected to cover that or are you loading into your husbands in the US? How does your social insurance record in Ireland sit and what can you do to improve your potential income in retirement? Being mortgage free in early 40s is excellent and would allow you to focus on retirement savings.

The same applies here in Ireland - if you move into a new community as a "blow in" it can be difficult to integrate yourself and make new connections - particularly in rural areas where some folks can be quite cliquey and view outsiders with suspicion. A pretty narrow minded view - but true. The Ireland of old where everyone knew everyone and people rambled to each others houses is a thing of the past.

You know what, I have heard Irish people described in the same way, entrenched in their family and existing friends :) Not to trivialise your situation as it is so hard to not have close friends or people on your wavelength, it's exhausting and missing the social interaction especially if you are home a lot and your husband is working long hours is hard. If you do move back to Ireland, really think about where you live. Even near a city rural locations still have a bit of suspicion of outsiders, although certainly easier to make friends with kids as you have a natural thing in common. And it sounds as if you are really up for making the effort.

Sports aren't too dissimilar here these days. The days of firing the kids onto a mini bus off to matches is long gone - or it is where we live anyway. Competitiveness is in soccer/GAA from very get-go (even though it's not really meant to be), so there's that.

Swimming - parental volunteering is non-negotiable across the world. It's how it works (we've a competitive international swimmer in this house). His pool sessions are 6 days a week (twice a day on some days). Galas are whole-day/weekend events, with the nationals being 5 days long. So yeah, that's not changing if you move back! Attendance at the galas for parents is only necessary when they're assigned a duty (officiating, chaperone, etc) if you're not on duty, there's no expectation for you to be at the event other than dropping/collecting the swimmer! The swimmers stay with their clubs during the events.

What I would say is regards to access to opportunities in sports: Ireland is more restrictive. Every parish has GAA and soccer, but to avail of other sports, you'd have to choose your location carefully! Just something to be mindful of.

We moved back to where I grew up 9 years ago (from another part of Ireland, so you'd think meh, no big deal)... took me 2 years to settle and finally see the positives. Kids settled fine, as did the husband. Took the older lad 9 months to really settle though, but me, two years at least. I grew up here, a small village, 20 minutes from larger towns, and I struggled horribly. I was lonely, and to be frank, the family support is great but support can come at a cost too (interfering family).

The difference in cost of living was enormous for us. We were able to give the kids chances to try all sorts (equestrian, archery, athletics, soccer, GAA, rugby, swimming, etc, etc) whereas where we used to live, we wouldn't have had a pot to p1ss in at the end of every month after food/utilities/childcare/mortgage were covered, even with two salaries coming in.

I had to opportunity to move to USA about 15 years ago, and to this day I bitterly regret the decision that I did not.

My friend that did move is a multi-millionaire now. Not a chance that he'd move back to Ireland.

Even though I do not have a mortgage and would be on good wages by international standards, I am not exactly living the high life here. Ireland is death by a thousands taxes, charges, duties and levies. Any money you have will soon be eaten up by the Irish Government. Heaven help the typical Irish person on industry average wage and a mortgage!

I also can't stand the Irish climate. Horrible grey, depressing damp the year round.

I hope my children have the sense to get out.

One thing to keep in mind, if you do come back, you are sentencing your children to a life in poverty without the ability to purchase a home for themselves and possibly dying on the streets (due to homelessness). I wouldn't come back if I were you to be honest.