Wife is cheating - what next?

HI OP, any update since?

well done on this. there's some big changes that it appears you have accepted objectively for the betterment of your son. this will all be to your benefit in time to come. <Mod Snip>

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@Squatman I know your posts are well intentioned but they go against the strict forum charter we have here. We do not encourage posters to invite PMs from other users for the reasons outlined here .

Forum Charter is here

Been nearly 2 weeks since your last comment OP, hope things are going well, you know we're all rooting for you here.

Congratulations on the new Job, the sooner you are out of there the better for you and your son. Unless you have somewhere lined up to go, it might take you a while to find somewhere to live. In the meantime, tell her you need a break to, take turns every second weekend, you to your parents, she goes to her. If she wants to go away then that's OK she can on her weekend off. You owe her nothing she's the one who had and is having an affair - you'd don't need to make it easy for her. Some of that is been betty but is she treating you with respect? There needs to be clear and respected boundaries on both sides. Same goes for evenings off you both should be taking evings to yourself, especially while it's still summer and you can go places.

Unfortunately, being separated but living together interrupts and delays a lot of the normal processes that follow a break up.

I honestly don't think you would have felt any better if she told you the truth, and in this instance I think she did the right thing by lying. People often think if they did X or Y it would be better, but if the other person did X or Y the underlying feelings are still all the same. Most likely you would have thought it was incredibly cruel and cold of her to tell you she was going to see this man, and then go to pack her bag and walk out the door leaving you to mind your child.

I do think it's exceptionally selfish and horrible to continue seeing her affair partner while you still live together, especially when you're trying to be civil and by the sounds of it you're moving out soon so she could and should have waited, but the lying in this instance I do understand and think was the right thing to do (even if I think that what she's doing itself is wrong).

I would be cautious about jumping straight into a fling as advised by someone else, people fresh out of relationships, especially when they have been betrayed and hurt are often absolute nightmares to the people they date, and again it can interrupt the normal things that you have to deal with following a break up. Most likely your wifes 'relationship' or whatever it is will fail too seeing as he doesn't live in this country and she'll have her own heartache to deal with then, both from this man and dealing with the destruction of her family....so even though it might seem very unfair that you're the one dealing with the pain, while she seems happy etc. most likely that is not going to last for her.

As PPs have asked, why can't you stick to the original plan if your son is able to sleep when your your wife is not there? or would it not be possible with your new job?

Are you still seeing a counsellor?

@TheadoreT

This is all pretty normal at this stage, it's only been 2-3 months. Holding onto a bit of hope is normal, there are several stages of grief after a break up and some will involve false hope. That's considered normal and wouldn't be really considered to be unhealthy unless someone stayed stuck thinking that for a long period of time. A couple of months is nothing. He's doing well. I don't think he needs a 'breakthrough'. He won't really come to terms with it all properly until he's out of the house and some time has passed etc.

With all due respect, cj, and we get on like a house on fire elsewhere, this is terrible advice. The courts take a very, very dim view of people attempting to hide assets and it's generally very easily found out. The OP needs to go into this with his children's best interests front and centre, not preparing for "war" with his wife. He should absolutely lawyer up but as a divorced (property but no children) woman myself, in a committed relationship with an almost-divorced dad of three (family home involved), it can be amicable. Genuinely. If people can set ego aside. I'm not saying it's easy, but it can be done.

Paternity test just to be sure if there is any trace of doubt in your mind on that front. It might not have been her first time cheating.

I don’t mean hiding money . But looking after yourself that a court will see you as someone children can have a good life with.

@notdan courts are not black and white as some ppl seems to think. Yes, men tend to get the shorter end of the stick most of the time, but not always.

Many men have primary care of children and the mothers are left to have weekend visitation.

I'd recommend opening your own thread.

Look after yourself... Best of luck!

Perhaps, you need to get a new partner?

If you'd still like a new partner, I'd imagine it would do you good. Give you something new and fun to think about. I'm sure there's plenty of single, genuine women out there, who would love you back lots. A new relationship for yourself is bound to prevent you thinking too much about your ex as you'll have a new love to fill your needs.

Of course you may have gone off women and that's grand. But if your still interested, then get out on the scene again, at least to take your mind off your ex.

You've done well to move out, I'd imagine a new love interest would be another positive stepping stone.