online dating

Ljmscooter · 30-08-2023 2:54pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047198#Comment_121047198

Get pucked

Jequ0n · 30-08-2023 5:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047208#Comment_121047208

I’d rather not

YellowLead · 30-08-2023 5:32pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047977#Comment_121047977

He was my long term relationship. 18-35. We weren’t suited and I only stayed because of the child.

YellowLead · 30-08-2023 7:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121048537#Comment_121048537

I prefer to only do move to whattsap after the first date

Jequ0n · 30-08-2023 8:23pm

I try to get them to WA or similar asap too

YellowLead · 30-08-2023 8:48pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121048721#Comment_121048721

Of course….it’s all about the tactics :)

Jequ0n · 30-08-2023 8:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121048808#Comment_121048808

You play the same game to your advantage, dearest.

Mister Vain · 30-08-2023 9:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121046183#Comment_121046183

...

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 11:17am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050425#Comment_121050425

Wouldn’t be my style at all but it’s lovely for her/some I agree.

Jequ0n · 31-08-2023 11:59am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050425#Comment_121050425

Send the link to poison

31-08-2023 12:16pm

Haven’t posted here in a while.

Im back on the dating apps. Finding it very hard to get a conversation to last. I’m chatty (not annoying but I know how to hold a two way conversation), easy going and I’ve been told hundreds of times I’m attractive and I don’t have a problem getting matches. But I do have a problem getting something regular. By that, I mean someone to regularly meet up with, regular sex.

I think I’ve realised in the last few months, after being in a 2 year relationship being messed around and lied to, i’’m open to a regular arrangement. Meet up, dinner or an activity, fun, weekend away and sex. Maybe a FWB situation or a fling where there’s mutual respect.

But It’s hard to even get a date in real life? A lot of men seem to be on the apps to look or pen pal? Or presume you want a relationship because you’re a woman over 25? A lot of them seem unavailable and uninterested which says to me they are either already taken and just perving or they are not genuine.

How can I find mutual/companion / FWB situation like this?

Pwindedd · 31-08-2023 12:42pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050425#Comment_121050425

Ahh tis very pretty - with the flowers and her hair and all ... unusual too!

(wistful sigh) - I've resigned myself to maybe being a mother-of-the-bride one day, but no more wedding bells for me - statistically second marriages have even less chance than first ones, and I made a total balls of the first one (but in my defence I was his second wife)

31-08-2023 12:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050920#Comment_121050920

lol what does that mean? This is serious

Pwindedd · 31-08-2023 12:46pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050821#Comment_121050821

do you say this, or a watered down version of it, on your OD profile ?

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 12:47pm

I forget what age group you are hunting in so I don’t know if that makes a difference.

I have never experienced anyone not wanting to meet in person once we match and chat, but I am super fussy on my swiping and rarely swipe right so I guess I am pre filtering based on their profile.

So you get loads of matches but can’t get to meeting? Are they quality matches? Could there be something up with your chat maybe that puts them off??? Is your profile an authentic reflection of you? Do you go for people with similar interests / lifestyle to you?

I have found loads of those casual arrangements but not on purpose - so I don’t know how it would go down seeking them purposefully. You could just say it on your profile?

31-08-2023 12:50pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050953#Comment_121050953

Tbh, I don’t say anything on my bio. I chat to matches and see what the vibe is.

I’m looking for a unicorn. Someone genuine and respectful who is open to meeting up every few weeks, doing something or going away on weekends and regular sex. No mind games or bullshit or stupidity. A respectful arrangement.

31-08-2023 12:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050958#Comment_121050958

I really don’t know. I’ve just realised recently f**k it. Looking for anything long term isn’t working. I’d like something casual every few weeks but without the drama. How did you find them? I think first and foremost, I like to chat and see what they are like before suggesting anything. or even meet them first to see if there’s something there.

Tbf, I actually lost interest myself and didn’t reply to people for days and I was away too. It’s exhausting trying to keep a convo up. It’s all very repetitive.

31-08-2023 1:06pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050958#Comment_121050958

Age group: 30 to 42 ?

Willing to drop to 28

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 1:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051032#Comment_121051032

That could be part of the difference in our experiences - I’m dating 39 to 60. Younger lads are more likely to be fecking around with mind games and disrespect - or at least that’s what I imagine. The older ones usually know what they want and are less afraid to say it.

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 1:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121050997#Comment_121050997

There are two types of scenarios. One is lads who are looking for a relationship, they just don’t want one with you but are willing to have fun with you until they find somebody else. That’s a big no no in my book. The second one is people who genuinely aren’t interested in having a relationship with anyone at whatever point in their lives they are at - whether it’s post divorce etc. That’s the one you want to go for.

To be honest there are actually few situations where fwb works properly. There has to be zero feelings. Attraction yes but not romantic feelings. So you can’t be calling each other everyday and do too many relationship type things or feelings and expectations can easily develop.

You can’t hunt for these guys specifically, you have to just do like everyone else does and mill through the masses hoping to get lucky.

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 1:17pm

I don’t know what apps you are on but you can select what you are looking for on most - so you could say short term open to long, or something casual for example.

31-08-2023 1:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051083#Comment_121051083

I work full time shift work and I’m not at the point in my life (housing and career wise) to look to settle down. I’ve alot to work on but I don’t think that rules me out of having regular fun either.

Seems I am getting stuck with a lot of the 1st option lads and they make it known to you that they have plenty of choices even though no one asked them. It’s like going on a date for the sake of it? I don’t think it’s alot to ask to be respectful and I’ve had this from guys in their 30s - old enough to know better. That behaviour puts me off tbh. It’s not that I’m jealous of the prospect of another woman etc it’s the fact that there’s no tact or respect for me or my time etc. I was in a situation like that before. Being led on and pulled into a relationship while the other person kept looking for someone better, online and offline. And after that relationship, I was still being pulled into dates by guys who just wanted to walk around with me until they found someone they thought was better. It’s ridiculous and again, I’ll say it; these are men in their thirties acting like numbnuts.

Im looking for a genuine and regular arrangement. I find it hard to believe there is no one out there looking for the same.

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 1:35pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051155#Comment_121051155

Be open and up front about what you want on your profile - that might narrow things down. When you meet somebody on a first date hopefully you’ll get a sense of them. Be confident and stick to your guns - this will only work if you are genuinely happy to have a casual arrangement.

Jequ0n · 31-08-2023 1:51pm

@[Deleted User]

I think what you are looking for makes a lot of sense, and I’d be happy with such an arrangement too 😊

Pwindedd · 31-08-2023 1:53pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051155#Comment_121051155

I don't think you're looking for a unicorn, per se, but maybe a Javan Rhino ! 😁

The thing with casual is that there's no commitment - and when there's no commitment then exclusivity goes out the window too. Some folks see this as a chance to play one off against the other and be verbal about it as some kind of game or powerplay. And there's no upper age limit on this kind of behaviour I can assure you! Your only option is disengage and walk away with your dignity intact.

Good luck (and have fun) with the search though!

31-08-2023 1:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051190#Comment_121051190

Yeah that’s true. Like, I’m not getting what I want by saying “let’s see where it goes” carry on or saying “I’d like a relationship ideally” and being nice about it and I’m not getting any commitment to even a second date - day and time even. I do get led on and dangled alot. When I went hell for leather with the dating recently, they were all repeating the same behaviour. Love to take you on a second / third date (I’ve heard it all) but rescheduled or cancelled or had to change plans last minute aka had a better offer. I think they call it breadcrumbing/benching?

Why should I remain in a sex drought in the meantime? I’ve had enough of being nice. It doesn’t work.

if there’s any men in this thread, please jump aboard and share your POV and what sets women apart? I’d really like to know what I’m doing wrong.

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 2:03pm

You’re never going to be able to avoid the bread crumbers and the benchers, the trick is to have the experience to spot them very early on.

BTW - If you are just happy to have respectful sex, does it need to be with one guy as opposed to a few times with one guy, a few times with another once he knows you have no interest in a relationship you’ll probably get more straight talking.l each time

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 2:08pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051363#Comment_121051363

I’m not a guy but - good looks is the one obvious thing. Failing that - making the most of what you have (not being too overweight and dressing well) will do along with a great personality. Great personality usually means - is positive, has interests, is kind but not a walkover, isn’t a princess, doesn’t complain all the time, is confident.

31-08-2023 2:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051403#Comment_121051403

I guess…

Like, I had a recent ONS a few months ago for example and while I enjoyed it, the guy did say if we were ever in each others cities we should meet up and I was like ok. And then the day after - he literally went cold on me when I texted and wouldn’t engage in conversation even though we had a great chat, connection and night. Ok grand, maybe he was just after sex but whats the going cold on you about? Why can’t people be honest? And I did find it very disrespectful too. So that’s what I don’t want. I don’t want to feel cheap or used (I have felt that way in the past). I’ve learned it doesn’t even matter if you’ve the frills or label of a relationship, you can still feel disrespected and used so what’s the point.

I haven’t met the right person clearly.

YellowLead · 31-08-2023 2:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121051467#Comment_121051467

So with that guy it was just sex and he would do it again if he was in your city. That’s not disrespectful - tbh that’s what you expect when you meet somebody from a different country or whatever.

I don’t know why you would want to keep the chat going with him? As in it wasn’t going to be a relationship. That’s the problem with that you are looking for - if you want a relationship type arrangement but without commitment that’s super hard to get and more typically happens when people date, realise they are not suited as a couple but get along and are attracted and therefore agree to see each other when single for sex or a movie or whatever - but they don’t do the daily texting etc because that’s not appropriate in such an arrangement.

online dating

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