Would you resurrect a friendship, if their views and mindset have diverged strongly from your own?

Why do you want to be friends with someone's who's on the far right? If you had mutual interest on the topics I could understand but you dodnt seem to. I'm struggling to understand what's so amazing about this friendship that makes you so eager to keep it in your life.

It's easier to be nice I think.....all that other stuff uses up too much energy.

At the end of the day we're all going in the ground why can't we all just be civil and get along, leave all the other nonsense aside whether it's Alex Jones or Greta Thunberg.

What a colossal bore the world would be if we all liked the same things and had the same views. Yes there's a line those with a brain don't cross but unless your friend is dancing on the table top in TGI Fridays professing her affection for Pol Pot I'd at the very least extend the olive branch

It makes sense to be friends with people who's political views and moral views and views of the world are similar to our own.Who wants to live in constant hassle/disagreements with supposed friends?

Having said that, everyone is entitled to their views, and you are entitled to be friends with whoever you wish.

I don't think judging her based solely on her Twitter account is necessarily fair, people put all sorts of faces on for social media.

you know her for many years, why not meet for a coffee/chat & see how you get on? Just because you are polite and nice to people doesn't mean you endorse their views. If afterwards you feel she has changed too much, you don't have to be friends with her. You can be polite as you would to any teacher in your child's school.

What do the two gay friends say about it?

Are they still friends? Did they confront her?

But was there any conversations between them? Did they ask her about her new views? Seems strange that people would be really close for years, but then just cut each other out of their lives?

Ok so they fell out with her over Covid views. Lots of people had differing views, I'm not sure I would lose a friendship over it.

Anyway, my advise stands, if you feel like it's worth a go, have a coffee, if afterwards you feel that you are just too different, you don't have to be friends.

It is very difficult to come back from the dark side. You just need to look at Darth Vader. Obi Wan and Vader would hardly meet up to discuss shared interests, he was too far gone and Vader hadn't even gone as far as believing in chemtrails!

I've plenty of friends with those views and i don't view them any less for it. Everyone is entitled to think as they please. I'd actually welcome someone who had a viewpoint i might disagree with as there's nothing worse than living in a social circle bubble.

This would be my mindset also. There are differing views and being respectful about it and then there are hate filled trans/gay/foreign people are all evil dangerous groomers view that alot of these very vocal people have thats extremely harmful and dangerous. Thats not political its just hating on someone.

Im lucky have a wide range of friends with a range of views but none of them are hateful and harmful, its not something I could stand with and like Yellow said its entirely against my values.

You can be friends with someone and disagree with their views, politics and lots of things.

Why would you expect people to fully agree with you on things, you can't control life like that.

You can keep them at a distance though.

It's important not to automatically assume that someone has no agency in their own decisions, there's obviously something in these extremist views that she agrees with. She isn't just a passive participant on the sidelines, she seems to be very active

Personally, I don't think I could be close friends with someone who has those viewpoints

I try not to mix politics with socialising, but I agree there has to be a line somewhere.

I don't see how anyone with such violently destructive views can possibly be a good friend. From what I've seen a lot of people get drawn into that world because it promises they can say whatever stupid and offensive thing comes into their heads.

It's hard to imagine someone in that space being able to compartmentalise their thoughts to not say something in front of you that you might find offensive

So, what to do about it? Well you're going to have to ask yourself if their friendship is worth them saying things you might not like. There's degrees of friendship and you don't necessarily need to be close friends to maintain a cordial relationship

You could ditch them, but the problem then is it might re-enforce her views rather than cause her to question them

I would suggest meeting them for coffee and seeing how it goes. If she says something then you might have to remind her that you don't share her views and would prefer she stayed away from politics

You could mention that if she wants to discuss her views she should prepare to have them challenged

Overall however, I don't think you'll have much success. Part of having a reasonable debate is willing to accept an evidence based argument against your viewpoints, and people on the extreme ends of an argument tend to not be capable of this

It's possible you might be able to resurrect some sort of friendship with her but you're not getting your old friend back. Thankfully, I don't have any experience of losing friends to this extent but I have people in my circle who have gone down that road. The reason I know they have is because they're not slow about proclaiming their views when they have the chance. What people who are aware of their views do is tiptoe around the elephant in the room. They're careful not to bring up whatever issues will set them off. Even though Covid and discussion of it has gone away for normal people, some people's addiction to getting hot under the collar about it hasn't. The Coronavirus forum on boards is still on the go, though god only knows why.

As you've seen, your friend has moved on to the latest hot topics, as have many other people who used to get wound up about Covid. Many of the people outside the Dáil the other week started out protesting against the Covid measures. They can be found protesting in libraries, bookshops, refugee accommodation and pride events, depending on what way the wind is blowing. If something else comes on their horizon, they'll seize on that too. I noticed that your friend had been single until now. So for her, becoming part of this anti-everything tribe brought her fiancé into her life. Being with him will just reinforce her views.

By all means, meet her for a coffee if that's what you want to do. I don't know what sort of friendship you can have with her going forward from here though. I think it's safe to say that most of us have people in our lives who don't hold the same views that we do. The difference is, most people are respectful of other views and don't shove them down anybody's throat. Your friend was out at marches with a megaphone and isn't slow about proclaiming her views. She's a different kettle of fish.

I doubt very much that's what she thought of them all along, but if she's gone far enough down that rabbit hole that she's marrying someone with the same abhorrent views then I really don't think she's ever coming back.

I think grieve for the person you once knew, and be open to rekindling the friendship if she ever comes back from the dark side, but I wouldn't be counting on it and I wouldn't be waiting on her.

The things your friend has issues with are often legitimate and can be quite nuanced but you just slap a "neo-nazi / far right" label on her.

You say she's anti-immigrant, anti-trans, anti-Pride etc but maybe her issue is with the government's policies on these matters rather than hatred of gays, trans or immigrants.

During covid she was critical of lockdowns, masks and vaccines; presumably you more or less went along with the whole thing. Looking back, she had the better attitude and was probably closer to the truth.

You think she's entered into a crazy, deluded, hateful world but perhaps she would say she's starting to look at things more critically and is seeing how the world really works, while you're stuck in your >>MOD EDIT TO REMOVE OFFENSIVE WORD<< world seeing everything from your >>MOD EDIT TO REMOVE OFFENSIVE WORD<< point of view.

Agree with Tork's responses.

And without getting into the political side of this the issue is whether you or her will ever feel truly comfortable ie. not walking on eggshells around each other, or as it appears from what you say, you trying to appease her.

Thats no basis for a real friendship.

However I would feel uncomfortable about cutting her off based on her Twitter account and what others have said she has done.

Your relationship in the past deserves one more attempt surely, even to see if there is common ground at all. Be clear you don't want to get into a battle about views and politics and just want to catch up as friends.

Over the years some friends that you have more in common with can be to the fore more than others at a particular time.

Other times that can get to be boring .

I have had politically active friends on the other extreme.. very left.. who didn't ' fit' with either my oh 's views or my friends' at the time, but I still loved meeting them and I would just put my hands over my ears if they got a bit much and the conversation and chat would be pulled back to 'medium spicy' as opposed to hot!

It kept me up to date with what was going on in their lives and vice versa, and was refreshing if sometimes challenging.

I find that while they have moderated their views as they grew older and I have become a little more vocal we are still good friends and enjoy each other's company.

Nobody ever got offensive though.

But I have always had different groups of friends and thats the way I like it.

You might still love being with this old friend even if you don't agree on everything. Even just having a laugh.

I would be more suspicious as regards the person who tried to dissuade you from arranging a meeting . Are you next for the chop if they hear you met up??

Sounds a bit controlling, imo.

Friends don't have to agree on everything but expressing openly anti gay or anti migrant views to people who are gay or migrant is an obvious no no.

But even though you have argued in the past I srnse you are conflicted about cutting her out completely

Maybe your relationship is based on something other than your beliefs? Or as you have said you feel she may be under the influence of this group or her fiancé?

Make your own mind up about who you meet or not.. Nobody else's business.

Who knows your old friend might need somebody to reach out a caring hand to her at this time or in the future.

You don't have to sacrifice your own values and beliefs, just let her know you are still there if she needs a friend.

Edit .Been getting " Bad Gateway " since Thursday and tonight I didn't think this post was going to post !