online dating

Different groups in different pubs, but in one they were three together in front of a live band that was playing in a small area. I was at the back next to a wall and one girl leave her friends for about and came back and sat down right near me for about 6 minutes then went back to her friends for about 5 minutes, and she left by herself then.

I don't think i look repulsive or anything, but it's nothing something new and happens more often than not when i go out. As said above, i just don't want to interrupt a group of friends of they're out for the night, so i'd be always wary of that. If she came up and said hi, i would've chatted away to her.

The band could've been too loud as well so took a break at the back but this is the crux of the problem I'm getting at. Men are useless at reading signals. Not a hope anyone will be looking out for anything apart from the obvious like a phone call or something so you either guess right or look like a creep and confidence shattered.

Much of the pressure in events in life come from ourselves though. I think approaching people is a very easy thing to do myself. It's different for everyone I am sure. But:

I do martial arts competitions. If I go a long time without competing I feel pressure and nervousness when I go back to do it. I am just as trained as I always am but being away from competition makes me feel nervous coming back to it.

I do bow hunting and a lot of bow hunters told me that if they have been hunting a lot it flows. But if they have not for a long time then when they get the sights on an animal they can start to shake, obsess over the shot, over think and much more. Like everything is riding on this shot.

I was talking to Glen Hansard at a recent show he did and we were actually talking about how the first show of a tour after a long break is the hardest because of being away from it. Despite years being a professional on the stage it can still be difficult to go back up on that first night after being away from the circuit.

So in general when we are out of practice at something or away from it - it feels like there is a lot more riding on it than we otherwise might feel. And as such the pressure is high and we think it difficult. And with approaching people in bars and the like we tend often to only do it when we see someone we are into and so the pressure feels high and it feels hard in that moment. Everything is riding on it almost.

So I wonder sometimes how many people who find it difficult and pressured to approach someone in a bar would benefit from making a habit out of it. Don't wait until there is someone you see who you actually think "Man I want her number or to get her into bed". But just approach people for the sake of it. Treat those people as an end in themselves rather than a means to an end. People are fun. So just enjoy them.

So then when seeing that someone we really want to approach - perhaps you will find it easier and less pressured.

What I always enjoy doing when I am out with friends is keeping an eye out for people who have met up for a drink but for whatever reason aren't really engaging with each other all that much. Run out of things to say or whatever. Tend to approach those more often than not just for the sake of it. No agenda other than social fun. Though as it happens one of my friends is currently engaged to someone he met from me doing that. So that's nice too. I did the old mentalism "trick" of staring into her eyes and reading her phone number from her brain. Then our group got talking to her and her two friends. Cue present day and they are engaged. Nice.

I enjoy a lot of close up magic and illusion. I practice a lot. So for me looking around and spotting people to approach and then doing so is second nature. I am doing it all the time. It's fun for me. It's fun for most of them. And when someone does not appreciate my approach I am better at spotting that and picking up on it and moving on. So I find if I have to approach anyone else for any kind of actual agenda - it feels just as natural to me. Though thankfully I have been off the approaching for dating or sexual agendas game for a long time now. But I have helped others do so a few times now.

I approach people of any age group really and it seems to work equally well with all of them. But as I said I do not approach people any more with romantic or sexual agendas. I am in a relationship for over 15 years now and I have long said that if that relationship ever ends or fails I have no interest in finding or pursuing another one.

But the basic approach of approaching people, breaking the ice, getting chatting and getting friendly - yea age appears to be irrelevant in my experience. I have not really noticed much different in the responses I get from different age groups. Except maybe a little bit more caution with younger women at first - because yea a 45 year old approaching a 22 year old in a bar is worth being initially cautious about until they realize there is no bang of agenda off me. And close up magic and mentalism is also quite socially disarming too.

Yeah anxiety is an issue but as I said I think practice can be helpful there. Can. Not will. I try to avoid talking like a relationship guru or pick up artist saying "If you do X you will get more action". But if approaching people gives anxiety - then one potential way to reduce that anxiety is simply approach more people in general without agenda. So when you need or really want to approach someone at least it feels more normal natural and as if less is riding on it. And as you say above - knowing when to back off is a good thing. A thing I also find comes with practice. If I approach someone with a mentalism trick or a deck of cards or a social approach I can often (not always) feel when that ice is not going to break and I should pivot. And every such pivot is a "rejection" too. Which is another thing I think potentially can improve with practice.

I certainly am not naturally confident. I would not say I have social anxiety per se but I have historically been very shy. But I am good at hiding it or working over and around it. Again mainly due to practice. But also due to things in my life like Jujitsu and dance. It's hard to stay shy and awkward after dancing a lot in front of people and also having people as deep in your personal space as is humanly possible to be - as you do on the mats in fighting grappling sports.

Dexter?

Knew you were a gingerist!

I'll get Ripley after you now...actually I'll get Ripley after me now.

Every now and then girls like to separate from the pack. Maybe even do a walk around of the venue. See what’s cooking.

Don’t let the next opportunity pass you by. Keep it lighthearted and move on yourself if you think she’s not feeling it.

Cant speak for all womankind but I’ve never been annoyed by a fella chatting to me. Only when he doesn’t read the cues and keeps on regardless.

You can keep that one.

”The commentary by Ridley Scott he did for the Quadrilogy Boxset about this scene is hilarious. He said “She refused to pull up her panties and shave at all. We had to pay someone in 1979 something like 5 thousand dollars to air brush out all her minge hair on every single cell of film. It took weeks!”

That underwear was hideous 😂

Why!?

Makes no sense. But thanks.

I was talking about the pubes.

Because I respect both you and your pube and goretex fetish in equal measures.

Don't be going with foreign like Cork ones.

Ya big Ripley loving bastrd.

I matched with a girl with sexy lingerie photos and is "just looking for a bit of fun." Bejasus.