Bridesmaid for wedding - how much money to give?

Give the 150. I'm sure ur friend given the job situation will understand. If I was getting married I'd be telling someone in your situation to give me nothing or buy a small gift. A voucher or something.

What? You have to pay for your own dress? Its a bit like Fr. Ted with the lovely girl, he has the honour of taking her out for a dinner and she has the honour of paying for it.

Give what you can given your scenario, but I'd say €150-200 of a present including your dress is more than enough. If you don't have it, don't feel you have to give it.

If a good friend can't understand that money might be tight given you have lost your job, then she isn't a very good friend in the first place.

How much is the dress and shoes OP? It would be very unreasonable in my opinion for the bride to expect a present from you at all given that you are paying for your own dress. Buying your own dress is not usual at all in this situation.

When I got married I paid for my bridesmaids dress, shoes, hair, make up and paid for their bedroom for overnight stay. I also gave them their jewellery for the day as a present. They all gave presents of €200 but honestly I didnt expect anything from them as they were doing me a great honour and favour being part of the day.

I would deem that extremely generous given your scenario. She might be doing all those things but you have lost your job. Put yourself first and explain that you feel that you have less disposable income and hopes she will understand this and agrees that you have already paid for your wedding present.

People think they can never challenge a bride and groom on their "big day". Well, you can in my opinion. I can't believe she asked you to pay for your wedding dress given you have lost your job.

Giving that amount is excessive to me considering you lost your job and and are paying for the dress and alterations. And paying for your hotel room as well, which has always been free for bridesmaids/groomsmen as far as I've experienced.

You friend asked you to pay for the dress because she has some large expenses. You should be comfortable enough to say you cant afford a present due to the dress and hotel room and the fact that you are unemployed.

If she cant understand that after her own money issues then she isn't a very good friend.

An invitation is like an invoice, I didn't have a wedding as I'd never expect someone to pay for my day. I had a big party with a bbq and band, I remember my Aunt who I am really close to wouldn't have a copper said to me "I'm glad you didn't have a big hotel wedding as I wouldn't of been able to afford to go". Some people gave us money but most didn't and I was happy to just have a big get together.

For the most part weddings are awful, been to 1 you've been to 10. I had 6 in one year once of close friends, never again I said. Its €1000 expense for a couple on the day before you even buy a drink.

Oh and OP, give nothing. You can't afford it, you can't afford it. She has a problem with it, she values the cash more than your friendship.

Maid of honor paying for their own hotel room and dress? Nonsense.

Yes, and your circumstances have changed since so feel no pressure. I wouldn't even raise it as an issue, if you wanted give her €100 and leave it at that.

I presume she isn't expecting you to pay for your bedroom in the hotel?

Wait, just re-read the above. Most of the time, the bridal party get a few free rooms. Who is getting those?

You are being shafted here OP. Paid for the dress, for your room, I say NOT ANOTHER CENT. You have paid more than enough.

Its always easy to tell somebody else how to spend their money! And in your situation, I think you have more than paid your way already so even €100 is very generous.

E100 is more than enough, given all that you have done for her so, and will be doing in the lead up, on the day & at the day after event (I presume they are having one).

Am not a regular in this forum, and this thread just caught my eye at the top of the "recent posts" list on the home page. Anyway, here's a male point of view, which I realise is probably very different from a female view...!

If going to any wedding, your gift should at least cover what the bride & groom are paying for you to be there, and then add on a bit extra if you want it to be a "real" gift at all. So for example, a couple going as ordinary guests should at least cover the cost of the meal they'll both be getting. And if going as a bridesmaid/best man/groomsman, you should still cover the cost the meal, plus the meal for your partner if you're bringing one.

Realise OP here is already paying for her own dress and shoes, but if she was attending as an ordinary guest for a friend's wedding, she'd more than likely be buying a new dress and shoes anyway.

If going as an ordinary guest, she'd also be paying for her own hair and make-up anyway, so the "gift" should cover the cost of these as well as the meal. If somebody is asked to go as a bridesmaid, they shouldn't see it as a money-saver for themself, by having somebody else pay for things that they would have been paying for themself if they'd just been asked as an ordinary guest.

As for the rooms...I know from when we were scouting wedding venues ourselves that although a number of rooms are held in the couple's name all right, it's only the bridal suite that's actually "free". And even if the other ones were touted as being "free" as well, you can be sure that the actual cost of them is instead factored into the overall price, by way of an extra couple on each meal or some such. So the couple ends up paying for them anyway, albeit in a different form.

Anyway, that all means I reckon OP's "gift" should cover the cost of a meal, possibly two meals (if she's bringing a partner), hair, and make-up. Probably much closer to €200 overall than €100, particularly if there's a second meal involved.

And yes, as somebody said above...being asked to go to a wedding is much an invoice as it is an invitation!

Ah come if she was just invited as a regular guest she could wear a dress and shoes she already has in her wardrobe. She could do her hair and make up herself - so she is out of pocket by just being a bridesmaid!! It is really unreasonable to ask someone to be a bridesmaid and expect them to pay for their own dress ( that they will probably never wear again) - Ive never heard of this before ever and think its quite cheeky but the OP seems ok with that. I have also been a bridesmaid before and have had my room paid for as a gesture of the couples appreciation. I also paid for the bridal parties rooms at my wedding - no way would I expect them to have to stay over and pay for it themselves given they had a role to play in the wedding. The notion that a bridesmaid ( whose paid for her own dress) should have to cover the cost of the their meal aswell is nonsense.

Op it wouldnt surprise me if you have to pay for your own meal at this wedding too ( on top of a present) given how tight this couple seem to be! In their circumstances they should just be having a small wedding and close by where nobody is expected to fork out for a room aswell.

They should have held a small modest wedding as that’s what they can afford. But alas no as is so often the case with these people they HAVE to have it all. No doubt they’re budgeting on a nice big cash haul from the cards. All fits with the expectation of you to pay your own way and building a new house etc.

If you can’t afford bridesmaids then don’t bloody well have any.

Call me cynical but I'm pushing 40 and have seen every end of this carry-on up to and including when the marriage goes under and afterwards

Tap card system in place- really would not surprise me to see those becoming common at certain weddings- all for your convenience of course

Either way though it’ll be “observed” because I’ve heard it noted of people who turned up and gave nothing. Just give what you can afford

Let them "observe" all they want. The OP's circumstances are what they are and if her friend who seems to be quite financially constrained herself can't understand that then she's not worth losing sleep over.

This!

What is always observed is the bride and grooms tightness to their bridesmaids and groomsmen etc. Always. Of course its just like when a bride asked you what did you think of the wedding. Great, best wedding ive ever been to. Thats the answer, even if it was a terrible wedding. Similar safe answers given when a bride asks was she being mean getting the bridesmaids to pay for their hotel rooms and clothes. "oh, no you werent, sure nobody does that anymore", but really you are thinking "Tightest fkers ive ever met".

There’s often a very handy postbox to drop your cards in at the reception- and they sound exactly like the types that would have one 👍

Nailed it. There's a real "you can't say anything bad about the bride and groom, its their day" vibe in this country. Honestly, I'd rather have 5 people at my wedding than have a big day and fear people were talking about me behind my back. If you can't afford it, you don't do it. You definitely don't put a load of expense on your bridal party and expect a wedding present on top of it, that is for sure. As I said before, its like Fr. Ted taking the lovely girl out for a meal and she had the honour of paying for it (a message he re-iterated repeatedly!).