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I have married the wrong person

  • 16-11-2023 12:02am
    #1
    Ray of Hope
    Registered Users, Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 2 ✭


    I'm hoping the title says it all. I'm a professional and not sure here.

    Post edited by Big Bag of Chips on


Comments

  • #2
    Ray of Hope
    Registered Users, Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 2 ✭Ray of Hope


    My husband comes home from work and ignores me on phone..we have no connection any more. My job is more intense and pays 3 times his. His is 10 times more Important in his head. I can't stop thinking of an ex who just wants to hear about my day. He placed my happiness at centre of his world. He is local and I made wrong choice and can't go back or can I? I know now attraction out of it he loved me and Ioved our connection. He was the one for me and I snubbed him. I made a mistake



  • #3
    Tell me how
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,037 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    Only you know if this is a fact, or a passing thought or where exactly in between.

    If you were my friend, I'd suggest going to a therapist and teasing out what your feelings are. Are they cold feet/teething problems, or real negative and likely permanent feelings about your marriage.

    If it is the former, talk to your husband about your concerns and see if you can both work through this together.

    If it is the latter, contact divorce lawyers and start the process. (Don't even look at your ex until you have committed to ending your marriage if that is to be the path)



  • #4
    Ziontit
    Registered Users Posts: 140 ✭✭Ziontit


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121373701#Comment_121373701

    Try by being respectful to him, be feminine, attractive, seductive seek his interaction

    This is where you start

    Running away is running from your problems, you will have to run and run and run forever until one day you can't run anymore and realise that you wasted all your time instead of starting by being nicer to him and seeking his interaction



  • #5
    Recliner
    Registered Users Posts: 938 ✭✭✭Recliner


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121373765#Comment_121373765

    I hope you're joking.

    Have we time travelled back to the 1950's?

    I would agree with the poster who suggested seeing a therapist.



  • #6
    evolvingtipperary101
    Registered Users Posts: 4,309 ✭✭✭evolvingtipperary101


    Sounds like you’ve lost respect for him. Better tell him how you feel about what’s happening daily.



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  • #7
    NATLOR
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,325 ✭✭✭NATLOR


    There is no going back OP trust me I've been there,do what is right for you life is too short



  • #8
    Ziontit
    Registered Users Posts: 140 ✭✭Ziontit


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121373770#Comment_121373770

    You think being respectful and seeking the interaction with a person you once had is some sort of joke ?

    Your response is painfully sexist and full of misandry. If the suggestion had been for the husband to prepare her favourite meal, get dressed up and take her to her favourite restaurant, the theatre or opera would anyone have disagreed

    But when the suggestion is for her to make some effort all of a sudden you don't like it

    Marriage is a partnership, neither party gets to sit on their ass



  • #9
    Recliner
    Registered Users Posts: 938 ✭✭✭Recliner


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121377337#Comment_121377337

    Ah would you stop. He comes home from work, a job that he thinks is 10 times more important than hers, and proceeds to ignore her, and she's supposed to go all Salome and do the dance of the 7 veils to get his attention.

    What about his lack of respect for her?



  • #10
    Calahonda52
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,640 ✭✭✭✭Calahonda52


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121373770#Comment_121373770

    '50s no, too early

    image.png
    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121377337#Comment_121377337

    Do you actually read what you wrote?

    Try by being respectful to him, be feminine, attractive, seductive seek his interaction.

    In other words give him a reason to get a hard on and bone her at his bidding to satisfy his most basic instincts

    “I can’t pay my staff or mortgage with instagram likes”.



  • #11
    Tell me how
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,037 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121380347#Comment_121380347

    We're hearing one side of the story here.



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  • #12
    Recliner
    Registered Users Posts: 938 ✭✭✭Recliner


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121380573#Comment_121380573

    Every post on boards is one side of the story.



  • #13
    Caveman Views
    Registered Users Posts: 455 ✭✭Caveman Views


    Why does what he earns seem so important to you? Maybe he's happy in his work and money isn't everything to him.



  • #14
    Recliner
    Registered Users Posts: 938 ✭✭✭Recliner


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121377337#Comment_121377337

    And if you read your original post, I think you'll find that you are, in fact, the one who is sexist.



  • #15
    Shield
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Help & Feedback Category Moderators Posts: 9,807 CMod ✭✭✭✭Shield


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058322761/i-have-married-the-wrong-person

    When you have verified your account by clicking on the link we sent to your email, try asking in our Relationship Issues forum where it now currently resides.

    Thanks.

    -Shield



  • #16
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,433 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Relationship Issues Charter now applies. Anyone unfamiliar with this forum or the standard of posting expected here should familiarise themselves with The Charter before posting here.

    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2057235143/relationship-issues-charter-read-before-posting-14-sep-2022


    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #17
    Ziontit
    Registered Users Posts: 140 ✭✭Ziontit


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121380347#Comment_121380347

    There is no hint of him being disrespectful, unfaithful or otherwise at fault, he is just disinterested as described

    If she wants to reconnect with him effort is required on her part

    She needs to reclaim his interest



  • #18
    Ziontit
    Registered Users Posts: 140 ✭✭Ziontit


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121380447#Comment_121380447

    Physical affection is one part of a relationship and without relations there is no relationship, they are just housemates

    If you don't understand this you are in trouble and shouldn't be giving anyone advice



  • #19
    Ziontit
    Registered Users Posts: 140 ✭✭Ziontit


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121381030#Comment_121381030

    Absolutely not, in a world of equality neither party gets to sit around on their ass advising that she doesn't is the advancement of equality



  • #20
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121373701#Comment_121373701

    Is your issue is the pay differnce? The 3:1 ratio?

    Do you know why your husband prefers the company of his phone to your company?

    Why do you think he thinks his job is 10x important to yours?

    Why do you think the ex is better.

    Your a professional, so what is he?

    In my experience ex's are ex's for a reason

    There is a lot going on here for a bunch of random nobody's to be giving you advice.

    One person says make a "sexy time" effort, another gets angry....me, I would not be looking for relationship advice on a forum..

    IMHO Poster 2 speaks sense. Councilling would be the best course of action for you, then perhaps both of you.

    Post edited by [Deleted User] on


  • #21
    marilynrr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 733 ✭✭✭marilynrr


    You really need to give more detail.

    How long have you been married and how long has the marriage been like this? Are you still intimate?

    You said in his head he is 10 times more important, what makes you think this? Are chores etc left to you?

    Are you in contact with your ex?



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  • #22
    notAMember
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,689 ✭✭✭notAMember


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121383224#Comment_121383224

    I know, lols.

    hey honey, come home after your busy day earning the household income to your slack-ass phone addicted Hubbie and make sure you fetch his slippers. Flippen’ Nora. OP makes triple his income!


    Anyone who ignores his wife and talks himself up falsely has a giant ego that needs deflating, not pandering. I’d give him a wake up call in your position … tell him to cop on or move on. You are his equal in a marriage, not a subordinate , he needs to recognise it.



  • #23
    spakman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,142 ✭✭✭spakman


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121383240#Comment_121383240

    What does their respective wages have to do with it?

    Earning more money doesn't equate to being more important or having a greater say in things.

    If a man said that....



  • #24
    iniscealtra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 371 ✭✭iniscealtra


    Totally agree @spakman Both should respect each other regardless of salaries if both are pulling their weight in the relationship.



  • #25
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,433 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Posters are reminded of The charter here. Many of the replies are not appropriate in this forum. This is an advice forum. Replies are expected to offer advice to the OP.

    I will lock this thread for the moment, as the OP still needs to confirm their email address in order to be able to post here.

    When the thread reopens we ask all posters to remember: Mature, constructive, civil advice.

    Post edited by Big Bag of Chips on


This discussion has been closed.
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