online dating

Thats a very good point (albeit it better not be sitting) And if he gets decrepit in a few decades his kids can look after him 😄

You know that’s not my style oh cynical one 🤓

Apologies, my brain is not fully functioning

No its just the way Yellow worded it 😆

I'd love to lick her ice cream.

Yeah I've seen a few of them lately.

The more realistic ones, and some are very realistic, are probably just catfishing. Or else they ask you to whip out your bitcoin wallet.

After offering a “free” view at their OF page, and they really only have an account because they are shy and want your feedback.

I'd get her to spit on it first

I didn’t click into it but I’d be highly suspicious of any of that shite. You’re not thinking of signing up?

As an aside, did anyone watch that Twin Flames documentary? Amazingly what some people will be lead by

You'll be sorry you asked because I can not really answer without one of my essays :)

I am certainly aware of Online Dating yes. While I am paired off for a long time (or tripled off if you like given the out of the ordinary relationship I am in) I have vicariously gone on that journey with close friends. So I have seen a lot of what goes on there and it is indeed a hellscape. If I ever did return to the dating scene - which as you rightly point out I said I never would - I would not be going the Online Dating route to do it for sure. While there are success stories with Online Dating of course - I see those apps more like any other app which are designed less for what they purport to be for and more for keeping your eyes on the screen scrolling and earning them revenue. Getting you a love life is at best their secondary function. In the same way I think "Social Media" is not "Social" at all but is an MMORPG computer game. What we call our apps, and what their functions actually are, are very wide apart.

You ask how I believe certain things do not exist. Well it is not that I say they do not exist so much as I do not think they are as much a factor as people make them out to be. Of course there are some people in the world who fit those profiles I just do not think it is as big as people make out. And the reason I think that way, you asked?

Well mainly because in the world today and in the world of the past the world is full of people fitting every profile who are getting paired off and having families. Pick any salary/wage level - there are people all around you who fit who are paired off. People saying "Oh if you are below this height you have no hope" yet the world is full of people at that height paired off. So many cases of car or bike or scooter you see on the road are being piloted by people in relationships. As are the pedestrians many of whom own no car.

So yeah every time I see someone who is getting a little down on their relationship success who latches retrospectively onto some variable to explain it - like their height or their earnings - I am instantly struck by the sheer volume of people in the world with exactly that variable who do absolutely fine. The theory simply never seems to map onto the reality. It's always odd to be sitting a room for example, full of married people under a certain height being told by a guy also under that height that if you are under that height you are screwed and will never find a woman. The speaker obviously so far into the Navel gazing theorizing that it never strikes them to simply look around them. Or sitting in one bar being told you will never find a woman unless you earn more than a certain amount. But next door to that bar is another more working class bar literally full of men earning less than that amount who are all engaged in the age old practice of men in bars everywhere of moaning about their wives and children back at home :) :) All I can do is look at the speaker and wonder to myself how they have become so deeply entrenched in their idea that they literally do not see the any number of 1000s of people populating the world around them that prove their theory wrong outright.

Certainly I am a case in point. Shorter than the average by a relatively significant margin. Was earning bugger all when I entered my current relationship and had no car. While not living at home I was in a dive of a house share that was no better than a box really. Obviously receding hairline too which has progressed today to effectively bald. And I had been previous to that exactly the kind of person to excuse make as to why I was never going to find someone and was always going to be single and a waste of space.

Moderate earnings now given I have chosen work life balance over raises and promotions very consistently. The cars we own have good "names" but are very old - just well maintained. I mean it sounds impressive to say we own an Audi, a BMW and a Merc. But they are all of an age you could pick them up for a pittance if you wanted one. We just maintain them well and they do their job. Still short. Yet somehow I am in an extremely happy relationship with two of the most beautiful women I feel I have ever set eyes on that consistently turn heads in bars and on the streets. I know how I got from A to B myself. It was not by sitting there thinking my height meant I may as well give up and never try. I just do not have the notion that what worked for me will work for everyone - so I do not go around trying to sell it like the "Relationship Coach" in the links above.

As I said I have helped people on the dating scene too. Felt a bit ikky doing so but I did it happily if I was asked to directly. The case I always think of is a friend of ours who our entire circle loved deeply and we could never figure out why he was not getting in a relationship. And it was getting him down too. BADLY. And he always had some variable he thought was the reason for it. He was "too short" or "Too nice" or "not enough money". Until one day he asked me to help him and I did. And what I discovered when I worked with/on him was eye opening indeed. Worked on it with him and he is now happily married. I know where he was going wrong and I know how I got him from A to B too. But again I do not feel the least temptation to go into relationship coaching as a career because I loath the notion that just because something worked for one person, it must work for everyone.

Not every mans by a long way no. But then what is? Plenty would want it. Plenty not. I myself did not want it or seek it or look for it or dream of it. I just ended up in it.

I am often asked how I got into the relationship I am in. Sometimes by people who expect some mad "out there" answer. How did I go from sitting on a couch self hating to meeting these gals and staying with them.

The answer is extremely boring. I was very much into "The Frames" music. They had a web site with a social media message board on it. So I started organizing "Pre gig meetups". I would just arrange a time and a bar and tell people to meet there before the show. And I would try some comical or interesting way to identify the group in the bar. Often with life sized cardboard cut outs of the band or fans who could not make it on that day.

And I met the girls there. Simple as that. All I did was get into something that gave me some excitement and meaning and social interaction and the rest took care of itself. In fact I had basically for some time before that gone "MGTOW" before the phrase "MGTOW" was known. I had never heard of the concept but was essentially the epitome of it. So I was not even looking for a relationship in any way at the time. But I was walking a path and suddenly reaslized these two were walking it with me and I no longer wanted to walk any path without them there.

Yeah luck plays a role in a lot of things in life. But luck can be played. You have a chance to win the Lotto if you buy a ticket. But only a small one. You buy 1 million tickets however and your chances become significant. And so on.

That is to my mind why a lot of PUA tripe actually seems to work for some people. They are putting the idea in your head that you need to act a certain way and employ all these kind of manipulative tricks (negging being the one that turns my stomach the most).

But at the end of the day what they are actually doing is increasing the number of situations you interact with people, meet people, and approach people. It's a numbers game they are concealing behind "tricks" that often do nothing. But if you approach 5 people before getting this coaching and 100 people after getting it - chances are you will meet someone and then think the "coaching" did something. But it was just Luck.

That is not to say that there are not things you can improve in how you interact with the gender of your personal attraction though. The guy I mentioned I "helped" had obvious issues that jumped out when I took him speed dating. I helped him with those flaws without any PUA nonsense. Just basic stuff. And the next time we went speed dating he went from 0 hits to the majority of women he met there connecting. He married one of the women from that night!

With my situation as you say "luck" was there. But also there was the fact I got out there, was into it, and was probably exuding passion and enjoyment and sociability and pleasure and engagement too. That likely made me attractive and interesting to them. Like - have you ever been bored by someone describing their career or life despite them having an exciting one on paper? Yet then you meet some guy talking about his career in the stroreroom of a museum and he has you rapt? It should be boring but their passion for it and engagement makes it a thing?? I reckon that effect played a big part of what happened to me in the "Frames" days.

Sure you’re getting engaged this Christmas :) or maybe she’ll do it next Valentine’s Day if you don’t get the finger out…

Absolutely, the more you engage and improve how you interact and the more places you go, you increase your chances of meeting somebody you are compatible with where there is mutual interest massively.

I just don’t feel that it’s a magic formula- by doing that it will work for everyone - some people will still be single despite trying, and thats okay.

I can’t think of a single career that sounds exciting on paper. Interesting maybe, but not exciting.