online dating

Some people were telling porkies on the last census.

Here's a mad take

Maybe the average women as per statistics are only swiping on a tiny percentage of hyper desirable men

and in turn those hyper desirable men know the relationship they are looking for is with a comparatively hyper attractive women so for the meantime they'll happily capitalise on the fact that these average women are happy to give them sex in the hope of increasing their chances of securing a relationship from said hyper attractive man.

Only to then spend years doing this, accruing tons of emotional baggage and then defaulting to the safe bet of nailing some prosperous clown who thinks he's lucking to have her when in reality the only reason she's entertaining him is because she's stuck for time to do the whole kids and grey instagramable house thing.

So it's not really that hard for women to get into a relationship but rather hard to get into the relationship with the calibre of man they really want.

But it works the other way too. That’s what I’m always saying about people needing to have realistic expectations and date on their level. In general.

I agree there are plenty of women out there that you describe, because I’ve met them. But equally not that conventionally attractive guys with average jobs turning their nose up as somebody who is a little tubby etc.

I do which is why I'm not going to dismiss it :)

I'm dreading a blind date type thing though.

Cad as duit?

But if you look around at average guys and girls they are married too! Most of us Irish people aren’t fabulously god looking. And the average wage seems pretty low. Yet people still find partners.

Agree there are SOMe with ridiculous expectations, but there are equal amounts of men who are awkward and strange when they’ve no need to be, and out women off. Charm and jokes go a long way.

Lol. I thought you’d gone mad there. Typo indeed

I hate no pics I just don't like talking to blank grindr or tinder profiles

It's not hard to get into a relationship for women. It's difficult to get into a fulfilling relationship with someone you're actually interested in and have a strong emotional and physical connection with.

It saddens me to see so many guys generalise women so much. Ye (and not just you Gary) would have more of a chance if you'd stop putting everyone in the same box and realise women are individuals with individual preferences, wants, and needs. In terms of "settling" as women get older, sure that happens, but not every woman wants to have a kid. And not every woman needs a man to get a house.

And, not to be harsh, but cutting out the "woe is me stuff" wouldn't hurt either.

I know plenty of "average" looking guys who aren't absolutely minted who are in great relationships, with great women. What's "average" to me might be extremely attractive to someone else, by the way, that's another thing. And vice versa. You know my BF has completely balked at two of my exes appearance-wise and been like "Poison...whaaaat the ****" because he thinks I undersold myself or whatever. He doesn't get that the attraction was about much more than looks in each case, as it is with many many women. And no, they weren't millionaires. As for him, he's **** hot (to me, but also objectively good-looking), and he's also bald - which many of you here seem to think rules half of you out. And, even so, his looks accounted only for about 50% of what got me interested in him.

Attraction is composed of so many more elements than you think it is and you're doing yourself a disservice with all of the assumptions.

And I know someone is going to come along and say "well it doesn't apply to you then, but it does to most women". Have a look at this thread and think about that. Have a look at Yellow. Pwinded. Either of those screaming "I'm here for the looks and the fancy car" vibes? As for me, I'm certainly not.

I thought maybe it was a younger generation thing, aka Gary's experience, but I'm seeing it all over this thread for ages. It's simply not true. Blow me up with stats all you like, but a reality check would help matters more.

Agree with this ☺️

I have a great idea for an app for people who want to skip even more steps. Just gotta find some hotels willing to rent out their rooms by the hour.

The thing is I've formed my own opinion from my own experiences, a lot of which have been in the last year. I am generalising a bit but I think that making any point you risk generalising in some way or another.

I'm not bashing women, I spend most of my time with them actually but there are certain realities that you just can't really look beyond once you've seen them.

Have you ever had a man tell you "I'll come back when you're 3 stone lighter"? Cause I've had women tell me to my face that they'd settle for a relationship with me when I've everything figured out (ie when I'm doing well enough) to be deemed suitable more than once. I'm not attractive enough now or financially successful enough now though.

I've never once been good enough for a women now. If I contrast my own experiences with that of my single friends we all seem to have the similar stories.

What am I meant to do with the experiences? Just discount them because some women aren't like that?

The reality is I'm a good guy, I've a good reputation, I'm working hard all my life, I don't drink, take drugs or have any mental issues. I'm about as well rounded as you can get. I can hold conversation with anyone about anything. I'm literally doing everything I can to be a good man with a good future. I'm doing all this and it's never been good enough now.

My reality check is that my next milestone is 30 and I will probably get there without having been taken seriously by any women. There is a good chance though that when I do get there I'll magically be good enough when it suits someone who probably wouldn't have given me the time of day 5 years before.

How can anyone experience all this and not draw certain conclusions?

If female attraction is so multifaceted that it's not primarily based around how desirable you are physically or financially, I've yet to experience that.

*I'd probably also add none of you are even close in age to me, the world isn't the same as it was when any of you where 20's.

In terms of your Q, I had a guy I was in an actual relationship living with, with tell me he wasn't physically attracted to me because he likes "petite" women (I'm a size 12, 5ft10 woman) and that he was with me because I was kind and a good person (vom). This guy was clearly not a good person, put me in a pretty messed up mindset at the time where I didn't know what way to think. My self-esteem plummeted in that relationship. He even once told me I was lucky to have him cause he was so fit and had a good job. I didn't know what to even say. Thank god for the incident that happened in that relationship that made me GTFO of it, and for supporting friends who he'd tried to alienate me from.

But let's look at this generally. I'm not everyone's type either. I dress a bit alternatively, like vintage, have my own tastes, and just dress for me than anyone else. But this led to @raclle thinking I was a goth (lol, real goths would LOL at that) and my own bf referring to one of my outfits as my "schoolteacher" look..oooh and trust me he knew once he said it he was fcuked😆.

I know what I have to offer. I know I'm not for everyone and not everyone is for me. And that's what makes me confident. I don't "try" to be all of these things stupid sites or friends in pubs say you have to do to meet someone. I just am who I am. And that's worked, because I've found someone who feels able to be the same with me. And finding that? That's what you want. Not all this doom and gloom about some hot chick not coming up to you etc.

Have conversations. Reach out to people. IG. Twitter even. And of course, Tinder. Start actual conversations. get to know them. THAT is what starts a relationship. Why are men so scared to talk to women about life? About things that matter to you? Things you're passionate about? All of these things gradually bring a closeness when you share them.

My BF and I are on similar incomes, bit higher on my end, and he has a house which he's selling at mo (which I didn't know about initially). Aside from the house, he isn't significantly more well off than me. This wasn't ever a concern starting out and not something we discussed until a while into the relationship.

In terms of you still having to experience just how multi-faceted attraction is for us, I hope you do as you either get older or date older (not sure if generational). Honestly though, what's clicking with me on you is that you think you're gonna be the leftovers at 30. I assure you that you will not be. There are plenty of avg/attractive 30 year olds around who have just as much luck with both younger and older women. My ex being one of them after finding a new relationship (offline and albeit 29) and a very much a regular guy.

Gary, based on your edit. My sis is late 20s. She knows what she wants and she's happy to stay single until that comes along. She's rarely single for long but in no rush to "snag" a guy and tbf any guy would be lucky.

But what I wanted to say is, my sis is a natural beauty, I can safely say not one person here would deny it if they saw her. Not into makeup up etc. loves hiking with her dog, photography, building things, ... she always has her hands at something creative.

And there's this thing. She had 2 dates last week. The first was super hot in her book he impressed her by giving her his number in public and they're into similar things, but he was talking about psycodelics when she met him so she ruled him out as a waster, rang me and said she's looking for someone more stable (I was very proud, her radar wasn't so good in the past!)

Then she had another dated lined up, and this guy was a PT so def very hot but the other one had taken priority as was into more outdoorsy things etc. Anyway, she asks PT out, which she never does, she usually waits for them to ask, and PT guy said yeah and all good. Then two days later she was dragging the chat out of him, so she cancelled it. He was apparently totally shocked. I mean duh, dude you literally fucked up your date by boring the hell out of her. All she wanted was a bit more info on what he's looking for and things he's into etc. and a proper chat that went past "how was your day".

So her canceling the date with the hot guy really doesn't match well with what you're saying.

Oh and as for her ex? He was a lot older and on benefits. But she was with him because of how she felt about him (that clearly changed over time but that was his doing).

So yeah, there's a girl in your bracket who doesn't give a sh1t about cars, money, or status. She has a certain look she likes yeah, but damn have I seen her deviate faaaaaar from it once she's attracted to them overall.

(edited to remove identifiers about her ex).

Most people are superficial and would rather be left alone.

Hmm, superficial in what way? As in, why would it be superficial to want to be alone?