What's the etiquette here??

Speaking of specimens - just unloaded a fine yuletide log earlier after the breakfast.

Can do in certain circumstances but for me at least it's the properties of the midden or the mix that effect the paperwork more. A lot of variables at play so to speak.

Not really as 1/2 - 2/3 are mushy stools and nothing helps there. The odd time a torpedo is launched with barely a smudge on the paper afterwards but sadly that's not the norm.

When 'soft-serve' faecal matter gets trapped between the inner and outer sphincter no amount of wiping is going to help. You'll be like one of those kids' printing kits except limited to brown ink and a star shape.

Feel your pain BB.

Some years ago I was going for a promotion interview, a two-part process where there was some sort of 'job simulation' nonsense followed by a lunch break and the interview proper.

I was wearing a tin of fruit which meant I was uncomfotable to begin with, but thought I did kinda OK on the first part.

45 mins break but straight away my colon turned to water and I spent the vast majority of this time trying to shít out my first communion wafer (which is an American expression apparently). I barely had time to wipe up, dress up, wash up and it was time for the interview proper. No lunch... I was a bit shook as they say.

Needless to say I did not excel and I have not yet applied again, not sure if mind or body can take it tbh.

O_o

Christ almighty lads....

Was on the porter last night, and am currently in a State Of Emergency.

Woke up at 6am to go strain the spuds, went to let out a little gas as you do, and a load of light brown liquid shot out of the chamber.

Had to go change the boxers.

Been on the loo 4 times since, as I can't trust a fart currently.

This is not good....

Situation has improved slightly.

A greasy fry up has been deployed and is doing its thing at the moment.

Had a "very good lunch" before hitting the pub for the Leinster match. A couple of pints of stout in and I "accidentally" let go a squeaker that, while small, had people coughing, retching and, in the case of the guy sat next to me, running out the back door.

Never felt so proud.

The Bin Dippers got their come uppance Bobby, fcukers were crying after the game.

No wonder you blew out a blast of ‘Brown Air’ after the gayam. Scorch marks on the Penny’s 15 for €10 jocks pal?

I dropped a celebration baton of solid midden,marbled with corn husks and chorizo skins in the main thunderbox at the full time whistle.

Drew the back page of a Redtop with a photo of Klopp across the muzzle as a final gesture of satisfaction.

Had my first Brussels sprout serving of the season last night. The emissions are powerful this morning, small in volume but strong in “impact”, much like the noble sprout, itself.

I’ve had them “off season” the odd time, HD. But I expect to be having a few servings over the next couple of weeks.

Was just unfortunate I had no time to “acclimatise” and was stuck in a crowded room for most of the morning.

When the stink was referenced I suggested that someone must have had a feed of bottled Guinness, it had that dull, old man fart, bouquet attached to it.

No harm in stocking up now if your worried about the traditionals (the same type as will be dumping the pudding, mince pies and Christmas cake in the bin) laying waste to them, there was a load in Tesco over the weekend.

Didn’t that fella Nevin Parsnipp admit to something similar? Was absolutely full to the brim with dangerously strong lager by the time the dinner was served up, went to pull a cracker with his mother-in-law, and the effort caused him to empty his bowels into his loose fitting corduroy trousers (key lime pie green). Whole day ruined he said.

Just heading out from town on the Dart. Lot of the "professional class" seem to be finishing up today if the crowds in the pubs around D2 were anything to go by. Was waiting in Pearse and saw this lad in a Kildare Village suit stumbling back and forth and doing that thing where he was gurning as he looked at his phone. Gimp was in his 40's as well, so should know better.

Headed down to the opposite end of the carriage. Suddenly heard a little bit of commotion from that end, and an elderly lady headed up and sat down across from me. She told us that Mr. Associate Director was just after pissing himself, and that she also thought he had shít himself. Posh sort of lady - thinking old money Protestant sort. Was utterly disgusted.

He had passed out by the time I got to my stop. Hope he's ok. Won't be tucking the kids into bed tonight for sure. Spare bedroom sort for him I'd imagine. And a frosty Christmas.

Has anyone used activated charcoal tablets to minimise flatulence? Do they work? Moving into a dangerous two weeks of canning, overeating and trips in the car to see family.

Wouldn't necessarily be a proponent of the charcoal either. More of an imodium instants sort of guy but they take a while to kick in. You'll splutter for a while like starting an old lawnmower left over the winter with stale petrol, but once they set in they aren't bad. A bit like adding a spoon of cornstarch to a jus or bisque just to thicken it a bit without removing the flavour so to speak. Also have the small tub of Sudo at the ready, nothing worse than your arse wheezing and having a "dry cough" and it feeling like you're using grinding paste to polish the valve seat on an old NSU Quickly. Fail to prepare and prepare to fail and all that. So on that topic, what's in everyones survival kit? Wet wipes, sudo, imodium. Anything else to add?