18 year old get out of the house.

I would approach it and say that his behaviour is affecting the family and it's in everyone's best interests that he moves out unless he's open to change.

That said he's welcome to come around so long as things are civil, and you'll always have a bed if he really needs it.

You don't want it to sound like you're kicking him out and cutting off contact, and you probably want to keep an eye on him too just to make sure he doesn't go completely off the rails.

I think that 18 is probably a good age for anyone to head out if they can afford it.

Maybe I'm being soft or stupid but the thought of throwing a child albeit an 18yo out of home makes me feel sad.

Is there any way of talking to him calmly and listening to him?

Has this behaviour being going on a while or is he being influenced by new friends?

I agree totally that no-one should be fearful of another person in their home and his way of speaking to you and the atmosphere it must be causing has to be very upsetting.

But once gone, the opportunity to find out if there's something behind this might be lost.

Whatever you decide to do, you are not a bad mother (or father) for asking him to leave if he is abusive and disrupting the family, so don't worry about that at all. The worst thing you could do (I have seen it first hand) is still treat him like he is your loving little boy, despite how he acts towards you.

He needs to learn that "being a man" is not acting like a 6 year old having tantrums. Franky, he just needs to grow up, maybe a couple of weeks in a bedsit looking after his own clothes and food will sort him out.

If he doesn't respect the family home and is earning his own income then it's time he moves out. It's no good for any young man to be cooped up at home. He needs to find himself and he'll likely make some mistakes but most people learn from them and mature and settle down

Supporting him at home while he's acting out is not gonna help him, it'll just delay his development

Perhaps pay for a week or two in some hostel? Is it too much to change the locks when he's gone?

He’s frustrated because you didn’t buy him a CAR? Lordie… he is mixing with a set of brats eh!

I mean, Christmas Day isn’t the day for this conversation, but if that’s his expectation, then a wake up call is definitely needed. He is a fully grown adult now. If I were you I’d actually think if there was a way to get him away from that bunch of wasters. Send him off abroad for a bit? Any relations in the US?

I understand your issue, but I would ask, have you really thought about where he is supposed to go?

Someone has to say it, but we're in the middle of the worst accommodation crisis this country has ever seen.

Every available bed in hotels and hostels is snapped up, and I can't see any landlord renting to an 18 year old.

You could be literally putting him onto the street. And that never ends well.

Have you given him a strong warning that you are thinking of telling him he has to leave?

Yes, I know it’s plausible , but still utterly misguided.

18-30 is when you learn to be an adult, stand on your own two feet, plan, save, manage money, relationships etc. Skills you need in your later 30’s, 40’s, 50’s etc. buying cars and houses for adult children is infantilising them, they miss the opportunity to learn those real life management tools . Just because other parents are undermining their children’s life skills doesn’t mean they have to follow suit.

Very few of my kids friends parents bought them cars. It's a myth. Daughter paid for her car I paid the insurance. She worked to pay for it. It's a bit like them saying in primary school that everyone has a phone. I'd be saying my house , my rules. I'd have zero tolerance for his bullying. He has to learn there are consequences.

True but some of his anger at least may be coming from seeing the freebies his friends are getting. They could be slagging him too about this.

Unfortunately teenage boys take much more notice of what their friends say than their parents. It takes a long time to realise that most of these are not real friendships.

I get the picture that both parents are not aligned with the discipline also and that the father is a bit of a pushover, that is not good.

Many of us had to do it. Life

He's 18 and his dad came down to the pub to bring him home up on Christmas eve because you wanted him there? Nothing good could have come from that course of action. You want him to act like an adult but you treated him like a child. He's probably confused af.

Have a discussion with him about how you feel his actions are effecting the rest of the family, but if you have him paying rent you'll have accept that if he wants to stay out with his mates on Christmas eve you should let him.

Even trying and failing might give him a bit of a kick up the arse that he is not quite as independent as he may think he is.

Show him the door on 2nd January.

Its the best thing you'll be doing for the family, and in the long run, for him.

And as I asked earlier - what if he simply refuses to go?

Rather than "kicking him out" as such, I'd calmly have a conversation where you lay out his options as an 18 yr old young man - option 1: basically live under your roof and follow your rules, or option 2: move out.

There may be other options, but basically treat him like a toddler who won't eat veg where instead of forcing the veg on him, the toddler is given a choice (and control over his destiny) of two veg

that's easy to type on an internet forum where you aren't affected or have to deal with the consequences.