Black tie weddings

RoboRat · 31-12-2023 1:10am #1

I've been invited to a wedding and it's back tie. I've decided not to go and I'm getting a bit of flack now.

I personally think it's quite selfish to expect your guests to adhere to a very specific dress code like black tie, and I personally hate wearing a dicky bow as I find them very uncomfortable - I can deal with a tie, but not a dicky bow. I would be happy to go, but not in black tie... obviously that's not a possibility though.

I have nice suits that are fitted, and I know if I rent a black tie, it'll look crap because I'm quite stocky and they always end up being too long on the sleeves/ pants. I also live in the arsehole of nowhere, so I'll have to drive at least 30 - 40 mins to pick up and then drop off, and that's hassle I don't need. I really don't like the idea of renting clothes and I'm not forking out money for a suit I'll never wear again when I have perfectly good suits already.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable, I'm just past putting up with people's whims, especially relating to weddings. Anyone else feel the same about a black tie wedding, or am I just being unreasonable.

Atlantic Dawn · 31-12-2023 1:19am

I'd be inclined to just tell them to stick their invite up their hole if they were instructing me what to wear to it.

Victor · 31-12-2023 1:21am

Just war a black tie and a suit. :)

jordata · 31-12-2023 3:06am

The couple will be aware that their decision to choose a black tie theme will mean extra costs for many guests. It is acceptable for you to RSVP with a no and leave it at that. No excuses needed.

Purple Mountain · 31-12-2023 3:07am

I agree totally on the principle of cost.

For the sake of impressive Instagram pics, the couple are forcing that expense on their guests.

Same goes for foreign destination weddings.

freshpopcorn · 31-12-2023 3:12am

Personally I think a black-tie wedding looks like some American High school function or some GAA awards night. I never got the appeal.

Fair enough for the wedding party but I think it's a real pain to put another expense on your guests. I would maybe excuse it if the couple put a note on the invitation saying that they'd not be accepting any gifts.

lmk123 · 31-12-2023 8:25am

Don’t go, some people think that their wedding is the most important thing in every bodies life, I can’t understand how they don’t know that it’s just a nuisance to most people invited. I actually hate getting an invite now, just way too many over the last few years. I’m best man for one next summer and the absolute bull **** they expect of people is brutal. Anyway I’d suggest not going but give a card with €50 / €100 or whatever, that’s what I’ve done a lot over the last few years and it seems to soften the blow of not going.

dbas · 31-12-2023 9:39am

Telling other people what they can wear is a bit egomaniacal. What happened to being happy that people can attend your wedding day?

Really poor form when organising a wedding to be adding to individuals costs/ hassle like that.

It'd be absolutely class if you started a house of cards, and all invited men rsvp'd No.

XsApollo · 31-12-2023 9:47am

Take the cost of the suit out of the gift in the card. Expense isn’t a problem then.

JeffKenna · 31-12-2023 10:15am

The last black tie wedding I went to most people just wore a dicky bow with a normal black suit and white shirt. You'd pick one up in penny's for a few euro, I wouldn't be getting at all stressed about it.

BrianD3 · 31-12-2023 10:20am

The fact that a couple would insist on this for friends and family raises a red flag about them - bridezillas, narcissists etc. If they then give someone flack for not attending, even more so.

Remember the previous thread on here about people being REQUIRED to have a "good excuse" for not attending a wedding and being ostracised if they don't. With many normie HR types on the thread supporting this. IT'S DE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF DER LIVES!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058294489/why-do-some-people-take-such-offence-if-you-dont-go-to-their-stag-party-or-wedding/p1

Bogwoppit · 31-12-2023 10:21am

Charity shops often have good quality suits, just wear a regular black tie.

whisky_galore · 31-12-2023 10:23am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121552788#Comment_121552788

More of a bridezilla thing than the groom having any say.

I don't see why you should get hassle over refusing to go. People choose not to go to weddings for many reasons.

31-12-2023 10:25am

I don't see the issue with the couple wanting a black tie wedding. It's their wedding.

I also don't see an issue with someone not wanting to attend a black tie wedding.

Op. Ignore the flack and move on with your life.

Lewis_Benson · 31-12-2023 10:32am

Jaysus, **** that shyte.

I'd not be going either.

jumbone · 31-12-2023 10:50am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553003#Comment_121553003

Black tie means tuxedo and bow tie not black suit and black tie like you'd wear to a funeral.

Op says

_I have nice suits that are fitted_

So why tf would he buy a suit someone has possibly died in and then wear it with a regular tie. That's a terrible solution for OP and bride & groom.

Deeec · 31-12-2023 10:58am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553066#Comment_121553066

I was at a black tie wedding recently and lots of men just had ordinary black suits and a bow tie on - some wore an ordinary tie instead of a bow tie. The suit doesn't have to be a tuxedo.

The 'black tie suit' police are not going to be standing at the door of the church or reception venue turning guests away that don't meet a certain criteria. 😂

castletownman · 31-12-2023 10:59am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553000#Comment_121553000

Notions.

From experience, anyone I know that has had a black tie wedding (and I've had a few family members do so), they usually grew up in normal backgrounds but suddenly became all high and mighty after going to college or getting an 'important' job either in Dublin or somewhere fancy abroad.

The brides in question tend to be wagons too.

31-12-2023 11:05am

Just wear a black tie, a lot do not wear dickiebows, a lot of people have a black suit in the wardrobe so it isn’t extra expense if you have one. They are a gimmick, but are actually pretty cool at the same time.

One thing is certain, every wedding has invitees who aren’t happy about something, usually the cost of attending. In reality, they usually aren’t missed and no one wants to sit beside a guest who isn’t happy or doesn’t want to be there, I know, I’ve had that pleasure a few times.

mariaalice · 31-12-2023 12:13pm

Wear a dark suit get a black tie shirt and a dikiebow in M&S not mad expensive. Any couple who have a black tie wedding and they don't come from a background when men would own a black tie suit anyway, it is a bit takey, at the end of the day it's their wedding they can have what they want.

Danny healy ray · 31-12-2023 12:16pm

that's probably down to the brides mother full of granger nothing worse

31-12-2023 12:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553289#Comment_121553289

She’d want to see someone about that.

Gregor Samsa · 31-12-2023 12:27pm

Take a leaf out of Ryan Tubridy’s book. He courageously attended a black tie event in London in a green neck tie.

https://m.independent.ie/irish-news/ryan-tubridy-attends-black-tie-premiere-in-london-well-that-was-fun/a508783911.html

Xander10 · 31-12-2023 12:33pm

Black tie for a wedding is an awful idea.

The garb for boring accountants etc at self indulgent award ceremonies.

whisky_galore · 31-12-2023 12:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553086#Comment_121553086

Probably wanted to get her notions wedding pics into the local paper.

EmmetSpiceland · 31-12-2023 12:49pm

I, personally, have always found the black tie dress code very handy. Makes it even easier for the lads to “suit up”.

Not sure why people seem to have a problem with others requesting it for their wedding. Although, some lads do get awfully “worked up” about people requesting they remove their shoes on entering their house too so maybe it comes from an insecurity of being told what to do?

Bogwoppit · 31-12-2023 12:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553066#Comment_121553066

No sh1t! I know what a black tie suit is, I didn’t think I had to emphasise it in a thread that is literally all about black tie suits.

How likely is it that someone died in their black tie suit considering how often they’re worn? A lot less likely than in the regular clothes you see in a charity shop.

Maybe you’re getting it confused with someone wearing one in the coffin, pretty unlikely it would make it to a charity shop in that case.

Norrie Rugger Head · 31-12-2023 12:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121552633#Comment_121552633

Black tie will mean a tux (at minimum) and you will also get flak for that.

Tell them you're not going, it's their decision to burden their guests and they will know some people will say no because of it. If not then they are selfish c*nts and they can get stuffed anyway

BornSkippy · 31-12-2023 1:15pm

Black Tie is evening wear. I wouldn't hold a strict 6PM rule on it. But imposing it as the dress code for a day event, and probably morning at that, is seriously déclassé.

I'd probably go along with it, or just wear a black suit, because it's an important day for them. But I'd watch myself around that sort of crowd.

Are they planning on releasing a flock of doves into the air while they're at it?

31-12-2023 1:26pm

Jaysus, how many of the posters here have been to a black tie wedding?

I can tell you in the clearest possible terms, many guests at them wear black suits with black ties, I have been to a few of these and never worn either a tuxedo nor a dickiebow.

Purple Mountain · 31-12-2023 2:26pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121552884#Comment_121552884

Ohhhh.. I think there's a good thread to be had from your stories 🤣

Ezeoul · 31-12-2023 2:30pm

It's up to the couple's what kind of wedding they want, and if that means a black tie affair, then they're allowed to have one.

Having said that, you are perfectly within your rights to decline the invitation.

However, if you find a bow tie onerous, at least you're not expected to wear an evening dress and heels!

boredyooser · 31-12-2023 2:39pm

Are you single ?

Just turn up in the most outrageous white tuxedo and white dickie bow you can find. ( White convertible limo and walking cane also optional ).

You'll be bateing the ladies off, from the grannies to the bridemaids, for your stylish individualism and rule breaking bad boy ism.

With any luck, you'll meet " The One ". Then you can have your own wedding and set your own crazy rules.

whisky_galore · 31-12-2023 2:46pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553762#Comment_121553762

I like this.

Go full Cab Calloway white Zoot suit.

Norrie Rugger Head · 31-12-2023 2:53pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553735#Comment_121553735

I bloody hate wearing bland, same old, hot, and uncomfortable suits. And dress shoes? Achillies are in bits by the dinner.

At least you get to but a bit of colour into a dress

MrMusician18 · 31-12-2023 3:11pm

A couple requesting black tie at their wedding is wasting their time. What will end up happening (as evidenced by this thread) is that 80% of the men will get the memo and dress in a tux and bowtie, the remainder will wear a black suit with a black tie - because they couldn't be arsed to do it right.

Photos will actually end up looking worse for it, as the lazy and/or ignorant will stick out.

Pauliedragon · 31-12-2023 3:17pm

I've worked in several hotels over the years and saw a good few black tie weddings. There was always plenty of guys in black suits with a bow tie or even just plain black suits with ties. Whether this caused issues with the bride and groom I can't say but I did see a good few. If it was me it would depend how close I was to the bride or groom. If they were close friends/family I would probably make an effort but if they were school friends for example that I havent seen in years no chance.

Del2005 · 31-12-2023 3:37pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553522#Comment_121553522

Does it look like a funeral or a wedding if most men are wearing funeral clothes?

31-12-2023 4:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553984#Comment_121553984

See, there is the thing, if everyone knows it’s a black tie wedding, it looks like a wedding. If it were at a funeral on the other hand, well, you know the rest.

BrianD3 · 31-12-2023 4:15pm

I know someone who thought they were being clever by wearing a normal black suit (with bow tie) to a black tie wedding. This transgression was "noted" and commented on and there was still some resentment about it, several years later. Nuts.

The sort of person who issues ultimatums to guests to wear tuxedos is also the sort of person who will react badly if someone wears a black suit instead - and don't think it won't be noticed. Never underestimate how crazy bridezillas, their HR assistants (sisters etc.) and their simp husbands get about a wedding.

Ezeoul · 31-12-2023 4:41pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553809#Comment_121553809

If you want some colour, then go black tie "creative"!

I'll take your dress shoes over four inch heels, any day.

Or, as the OP intends to do, just decline.

Its an invitation, not a summons!

Norrie Rugger Head · 31-12-2023 4:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554281#Comment_121554281

Coloured formal nearly always looks shite on most guys.

And heels would actually be better for my damaged achillies, funnily enough 🤣

Edit: and the only people looking at your shoes are other women

Ezeoul · 31-12-2023 4:59pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554294#Comment_121554294

Evening gowns are usually sized by lenght to be worn with heels, and look crap with flats. ;)

Lots of mens formal wear suit hire options, if someone was willing to make the effort.

But if someone really objects, then fair enough, it's okay not to go too, but I wouldn't go and ignore the dress code, or arrive in something outrageous for attention.

Norrie Rugger Head · 31-12-2023 5:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554384#Comment_121554384

Ah I agree with the not going. Formal wear rental is bad quality, fitting, feeling, and wearing.

I'm well past my days of renting nonsense.

But it's not just "effort" it's the entitlement in expecting guys to pay even more to attend the day so they can get some fancy insta photos.

Last one I was asked to go with dictated the store and suit type to ensure all guys wore the exact same

GHendrix · 31-12-2023 5:29pm

I was invited to a black tie wedding earlier this year.

As with all wedding invites, I was quite honoured that somebody wanted me to be there on their big day.

So I rented a tuxedo and had a great time and made great memories.

Whinging about dress codes and drives just sounds like excuses. It’s fine if you just couldn’t be arsed.

Xander10 · 31-12-2023 5:31pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553522#Comment_121553522

I think you are getting mixed up with funerals

rolling boh · 31-12-2023 5:39pm

If you know the couple well and are likely to see them regularly enough after they are married I would suck it up and hire a suit and go .If you don't want to go fine but it's not that big a deal to go on their big day after all they have invited you to their day. For me it makes the choice of what to wear on the day easy unlike the women who have a lot more to consider .

RoboRat · 31-12-2023 5:43pm

OK, couple of clarifications.

The couple is my cousin and his bride. Think I met her, not sure. I'm not close with my cousin, but I was very close with his brother and his father is my godfather, and he was always very good to me. I invited the groom to my wedding because I was inviting his brother and parents anyhow, and thought it would be harsh not to invite him.

I thought about wearing a suit with a dicky bow but my wife reckons it's tux, butterfly collar and dicky bow affair... for the 'photos'. I would stick out and it would be better if I didn't go than not adhere to the 'code'. I don't have a black suit, but I would buy one as they're handy and I'm getting to that age (funerals etc). I have dark gray, light gray, navy, blue, brown and tartan suits, so none would really work... maybe the dark gray, but it's not black and definitely not a tux!

It's not the cost of rental, its the hassle and the fact that it'll look like ****. I'm 6 foot and very stocky (54" chest/ 18" neck) so a rental will have really long arms. All my current suits have been altered to fit properly. Plus, I can't stand anything tight on my neck or rubbing against it. I can deal with a tie, but I'm am open top button person and you can't do that with a dicky bow and butterfly collars.

I think I'm going to suck it up for my cousin (the one I was close with) and my godfather as I don't get to see my cousin often as he lives abroad... I'm sure I was only invited as I invited thy groom to mine. I really don't want to go now, but I'm telling myself that sometimes you got to do things that you don't want to do. The dicky bow will be coming off as soon as I sit down for dinner and I'm thinking of wearing and outrageous waistcoat as a mini protest.

Ironically, we had no dress code for my wedding and they're were lads with chinos and shirts there. It was a right session... I can't see this being the same unfortunately.

RoboRat · 31-12-2023 5:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554550#Comment_121554550

I don't want to go. I'm getting flack because I don't want to go - I never wanted this to blow up and thought I could pass on the invite.

I also don't want to piss off my family and my relatives.

I'm sure your rented tux looked fine, mine would look like I got it off wish and it was tailored for an orangutan.

rolling boh · 31-12-2023 6:14pm

It's not life or death but you may regret afterwards that you didn't just go and then it's too late .

31-12-2023 6:29pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554560#Comment_121554560

Better to stay quiet and have people think you are a fool then to speak and remove all doubt.

Black tie weddings

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