Help With Depression, Unsuccessful life

BillyHaelyRaeCyrus · 10-01-2024 1:21am #1

Im 32 and for years Ive had extreme depression because Im a loser and a failure. I went to UCD and studied arts, and lived away for a few years. I came back to Dublin at 24 and got my first job in my career (media related industry), It was only like 26k salary but I was so happy with it. I told my sister (15 years my senior) about it at the time and how happy that I would be able to rent a house share too, I had been living in rentals away since I was 21. She told me very clearly that renting is nothing but dead money and I had to stay at home until I bought a house. Over the years in rentals she commented about them having "cheap rental furniture" and about me spending a lot of dead money and praising cousins etc who own.

I earn 42k today but I work a second job which brings in about 700 a month after tax on top of this. I rent alone in Dublin. But I feel like such a loser for not owning a house, Im single and never had a relationship so its not possible to double up. Ive tried joining classes and apps to meet people but I only get likes from people who are very physically unattractive and that would just lead to more embarrassment.

All of this has lead to years of mental health issues and anxiety, stemming from that dead money conversation my sister had with me in 2017. We no longer speak because she refuses to say its not dead money to rent. What can I do? Im now unable to sleep and I find myself falling asleep at work. I work 6 days a week usually. I just want to be a normal, successful person but my life is one of a total loser.

Does anyone have any ideas, maybe something I could do to gain a sense of status of outside property like stock etc that would mean I wouldnt just be a dead money failure.

I was considering also emigration, Ive a cousin 18 months younger than me in Canada who lives in a house share but no one calls that dead money. I wasnt called dead money when I lived in London myself, it was when I came back the horrible comments where made

con747 · 10-01-2024 1:27am

Was this not posted before? 🤔

Edit.

Yep it was https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058322068/ashamed-of-renting and a few other threads.

BillyHaelyRaeCyrus · 10-01-2024 1:37am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121595064#Comment_121595064

Ive not got any help from those threads and Im currently in an extreme depression. I spent two hours this evening writing the words "dead money" hundreds of times into an a4 pad

con747 · 10-01-2024 1:40am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121595076#Comment_121595076

Maybe post in a relevant thread then? After Hours would not be the place for this IMO. https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2057564333/anxiety-and-depression-thread-please-read-op/p340

Best of luck with your issues.

Jamessmith0901 · 10-01-2024 1:40am

Success isn't just about owning a house. Focus on your personal growth and well-being. Don't let others' opinions define you. Consider exploring hobbies or learning new skills. If emigration feels right, weigh the pros and cons. You're not a loser, and you deserve happiness. Hang in there!

Ted222 · 10-01-2024 1:54am

Nothing you’ve done with yourself suggests failure or loser to me.

You’ve graduated college and have a reasonably decent income. You’re not a leech and you fend for yourself.

You have the classic older sister who treats you like a child. She was a teenager when you were born and still treats you like her junior. Her opinions aren’t any more valuable or informed than yours-she just assumes they are. She’s out of your life - leave her there!

It’s no shame to not own a property. There’s an entire generation who are similarly frozen out.

If your career doesn’t float your boat, find an outlet that does. Volunteering for example is a very rewarding pastime.

If property ownership remains a priority, consider moving or emigrating to somewhere more affordable.

Most of all, don’t allow yourself to be judged by anyone’s standards but your own. And cut yourself a lot more slack in the process.

maninasia · 10-01-2024 2:05am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121595076#Comment_121595076

It seems you may have ocd or another issue along with the depression. Can you get some medical treatment? You are obsessing on a conversation from over 6 years ago.

I would also tell you that can consider emigrating or moving to another place in Ireland because Dublin is obviously a disaster for renters.

BillyHaelyRaeCyrus · 10-01-2024 2:12am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121595087#Comment_121595087

Another part of Ireland, no way. That would make me feel worse and inferior to my Dublin family.

Emigration perhaps, my cousin rents in Canada and he gets praise in conversation. Its not dead money to rent in Toronto it seems.

Ive been on and off medication and therapy since 2018 over this issue and did once self harm to remove the dead money thoughts. Nothing worked. I begged my sister to apologies and say renting is not dead money but she wont, instead she said plenty of people who didnt go to college can buy a house and that Im a college snob

Pissarro · 10-01-2024 2:48am

You need professional help. You are not thinking in a healthy way. You need to ignore your sister and those family who might think less of you if you moved to an affordable part of the country. You are not a shadow of these people. The cost of renting and buying property in Dublin is a matter outside your control. If you actually had a property would you find another set of opinions from toxic people, about which you would obsess, in order to continue to feel inadequate? Get the professional help that you need now.

Rent is a living expense- the same as food,clothing, petrol/diesel, bus tickets, electricity, entertainment. Until you're in a position to have your own place you just have to put up with this.

JupiterKid · 10-01-2024 3:29am

Hi there OP.

After Hours is not the ideal forum for posting his thread in - I’m moving it over to Personal Issues and will leave a redirect link.

You will receive very helpful and empathetic feedback and advice there.

JK

10-01-2024 5:48am

Hi OP.

You're suffering from a mental health problem and it's escalating.

Renting is normal.

Obsessing over comments your sister made 6/7 years ago is not normal.

You need help and support to change your thinking. It sounds like your thinking is intrusive and obsessive.

Get straight to your GP and ask for a psychiatric referral. Explain that you can't stop thinking obsessively about a disagreement with your sister years ago and it's affecting your whole quality of life.

It's going to take work to move past this but with support you can do it. Good luck

Deeec · 10-01-2024 7:10am

Billy you keep posting the same problem you have regarding renting over and over again on boards.ie. people have given you good advice before which you continually ignore.

The problem isn't your sister, or your family or that you rent - the problem is you - you seem to limit your life by having snobbish views. You won't live outside of Dublin, you won't move home to save, you won't meet a partner because you will only go out with someone very good looking , you won't save because you like designer expensive goods. People in the past have sent you links for houses and apartments you could afford to buy but nothing is good enough because it's not a posh area of Dublin. You will never be able to afford to buy where you want to buy in Dublin - that's reality for most people not only you.

Billy nobody here can help you - you have to help yourself. Please seek medical help and counselling and work on changing your views so your future can improve.

Also please don't be harsh on your sister. She obviously wants the best for you. She is right in that renting is dead money and if you don't change your views and behaviour you will still be renting as a pensioner. You need to make sacrifices now in order to save and get yourself owning a home and having future security.

Best of luck for the future

BillyHaelyRaeCyrus · 10-01-2024 7:13am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121595168#Comment_121595168

So renters are **** and you need to buy. Thanks for ruining my day

I cant buy the places linked. Even a 1 bed for 160k requires 32k in a deposit plus other costs so close to 40k. I cant save that much it would take years.

Deeec · 10-01-2024 7:19am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121595171#Comment_121595171

Renters are not **** but renting should only be a temporary option. You are in a situation where you don't need to rent as you can live with family. You are luckier than most.

Move back in with your parents and save. Give up buying the expensive designer rubbish and save. You can't have it every way in life Billy.

Honestly Billy you need to take on people's advice or your situation will not change.

Hannibal_Smith · 10-01-2024 7:19am

Thread closed pending review

Help With Depression, Unsuccessful life

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