A suffocating friendship, what to do?

Fair enough Tork. She would only get this life changing sum of money in the event something were to happen to both Mum and I together, like an accident or something, which let's hope is unlikely. Otherwise it's just a bequest. The bequests can be changed fairly simply, though still necessitating GP clearance for my mother, but we will get on to that fairly soon. The rest would involve redrafting the entire contents of both wills and figuring out who benefits if we were both to die, a bigger undertaking, one which my mother finds enormously stressful so we are passing on that for the moment. I would ask people to please respect that and not let it be a topic of discussion. But I completely get you. Given how this girl sems to be deteriorating and is refusing to get help, who knows indeed how bad she might get.

Agree too about it being odd and unhealthy. I'm decades older so I don't think she's a closet lesbian, though that has crossed my mind. I think the evidence points to Borderline Personality Disorder. A big feature of this condition is favourite person syndrome, where the sufferer subsumes himself/ herself into this person they latch onto as their absolute messiah. Often it's a romantic partner, but seems just as often it's a much older person who they perceive in a parental role. This girl is extremely immature and around me she tends to morph into a kid. Then they "split" and the favorite person can quickly become enemy number 1 if they feel rejected. I'd bet every cent in those wills that she suffers from this condition which is why I urged her to get help. At least with a diagnosis she can access appropriate treatment.

And yes, I would like to get some counselling for myself too.

Thanks cobham. Our solicitor is a stickler for rules and insists in up to the minute assessment proof, as in the very day of signing the will. She's a pain in the as about it but is otherwise a lovely person who we have a good rapport with. She's not working in her own practice so it might be the rules of that practice that she has to impose.

Thanks for that about the signatures to the codicils just needing to be witnessed, I think the bequests are just codicils. We don't want the estate to go to distant cousins and don't want to die intestate, but thanks for your input.

Why are ye all so concerned with my will??

Note the meaning of the word, "will." Will as in what a person wills or wishes for his/her worldly goods after death. My mother and I will decide in due course what we "will" for our estate, thank you very much. I did ask that people please refrain from discussing the will, especially giving unsolicited advice on who and who not to leave our estate to. The issue I asked for advice about was the toxic relationship and how to handle it and most of the replies about that have been very helpful, which I appreciate.

I would ask the mods to please close this thread now. I'm feeling badgered by certain posters who refuse to respect my wishes in not wanting to discuss who I will my estate to and who I feel are being rather insensitive to the fact that, regardless of how this person has behaved, I'm grieving the loss of what once was a friendship and therefore feeling rather vulnerable at the moment. Of course my feelings read as contradictory. Like all bad endings, it's messy and full of loose ends and of course there is wrong on my side too. But it must end, as it's serving neither of us as it is, and I must grieve it and figure out for myself now where to go from here.

The vast majority of replies have been very helpful, some have made me uncomfortable and made me stop to think, but I'm very grateful for that too. Some replies have been full of kindness and compassion, which I've also needed and which I very much appreciate.

So a heartfelt thanks to those posters and to the Mods.