Madame Web

Sweet JESUS that looked terrible. I want 3 mins of my life back. The "acting". The voiceover. I've seen less wooden acting in Pinocchio! That thing about researching spiders in the Amazon is going to be a meme by the end of the week. "My mom was in the Amazon researching spiders when she took an arrow to the knee"

That was one of the worst things I've seen this year... And I've seen half of Morbius

As you said, it looks like a (Expensive-but-almost-immediately-cancelled) TV show. Something that would have been on the CW back in the day.

That. Was, AWFUL.... Where's that Zack Snyder Netflix thing trailer again?

Wasn't Keaton's Vulture moved to this universe at the end of one of the previous movies?

God all these spider-adjacent Sony movies are coming across as the hollywood mid-budget equivalent of a Roger Corman move: Hey, if we don't use these characters, we lose them so let's chuck out a bargain-basement movie until the rights are worth more.

Venom was knowingly fun. But Morbius? Jesus. That Kraven looks cheap and silly while still being humourless.

And this? It looks like Charlie's Spider-angels: "Hey, girls can do action too! Look!" And all the patronising sexism that goes with that. Remember that god-awful scene in Avengers? Note, I'm not even describing the scene or which of the four Avengers films I am referring to but we ALL know which one I'm on about.

Now compare this with the last episode of season 2 of The Mandalorian. A show that has its own faults but when the cavalry arrives and it's all women you think "Oh that's right, never occurred to me that they were all women." It wasn't pandering, it wasn't patronising, it just was what it was.

Both this and Kraven look straight-to-streamer fodder/filler. Simply to add another 4-5 hours of content to wherever they turn up. With minimal promotion and impact.

I honestly don't know if it's a joke or not, but I saw on Twitter that Madame Web will feature a twist on the usual "With great power comes great responsibility", and will instead be:

“When you take on the responsibility, great power will come.”

Which would be such an idiotic idea and isn't even a laughably-bad and needlessly-wordy rephrasing of the line like Martin Sheen in The Amazing Spider-Man "He believed that if you could do good things for other people, you had a moral obligation to do those things! That's what's at stake here. Not choice. Responsibility."

"When you take on the responsibility, great power will come", essentially means "If you do good things, you'll be rewarded by getting powers!"

Any worse than?: "Ezekiel Sims, he was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died."

Basil Exposition in Austin Powers

Shocked, I say. SHOCKED!!!!!*

*Not shocked

It's still insane that half these films ever got the greenlight at all. So desperate to use the Spider-Man rights to make anything remotely linked or referential to Spider-Man, without using Spider-Man, and completely ignoring the fact that what people like in the Spider-Man universe.... is SPIDER-MAN!

Why they didn't just say to Marvel to go make whatever Spider-Man stuff they want and include whatever Spider-Man characters they want, and just give Sony a cut of the profits, is beyond me. I mean Christ.... Morbius and Kraven? They'd be low on the list for who people want as Spider-Man villians never mind having their own "anti-hero" films.

Dakota Johnson was asked about the line in an interview and what was her opinion on it going viral.

“Why did that go viral? Somebody brought this up, and I have no idea what it’s about,” Johnson said in an interview with HuffPost UK. “But isn’t any sentence out of context…out of context? What a silly thing….’He was in the Amazon researching spiders with my mom before she died.’ That seems like a basic storyline to me, but maybe I’m just underneath it.”

Of these recent spidey-spinoffs, Kraven's the only one i've been actively interested in. Always liked the character, and it works well as its own standalone story. Decent casting with Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Russell Crowe, and the director's got a great record as well (made Margin Call, All is Lost, and A Most Violent Year). The awfulness of Madame Web (seriously who the fck thought anyone wanted a Madame Web movie?!) and Morbius might well tarnish its reputation long before it even hits the screen though.

18% now

Quite the summary

So I just seen this. My god was the first hour + a slog. Its not perfect. Some terrible CGI in it some terrible dull and wooden acting and the story is not great either but the last 30 mins or so minutes are brilliant and worth it for all that.

I woukd give it a 5 out of 10. Its an average film at best.

Not all heroes wear capes. Thanks for taking this for the team.... Still think I'll give it a miss though :)

From what I know of the comics, I think the Julie Carpenter Spiderwoman (played by Sydney Sweeney) takes over as Madame Web from the old woman, and she goes around in a red leather jacket and red sunglasses. So I guess that was the style they wanted to go with Dakota Johnson's version rather than the old woman.

Do Sony have the rights to all Spider characters or is it only the older ones? I know Spider-Gwen was in the Spider-Verse movies but then animation has different rules I think. Though I think the planned Silk series is from Sony as well.

I guess that answers my own question.

What exactly were they trying to make?

Morbius was a far better film which is damning all in itself.

I went to this last night, more out of curiousity than anything.

I went in with really low expectations (to a screen with about 10 seats taken out of 200), but it was definitely a watchable 6/10.

Not the worst superhero movie I've ever seen by a long shot.

@pixelburp Thor Love and Thunder, The Eternals and Thor 2 for starters.

Thir 2 is a brilliant move and probably the best Thir Movie. Now if you had of said Thor 1 I might agree but not with Thor 2 .

Thor Love and Thunder while not perfect was a lot better than this rubbish film.

No idea about the other film have not seen it but heard it was rubbish.