Partner's Teeth

Surely you could persuade him to sit down for a check up and a full mouth scan? No drills. The dentist can recommend what to do next but if he has something serious brewing it's better to know sooner rather than later.

Also invest in an electric toothbrush and a waterpik. There are also little strips that can be used instead of floss, I have very tightly set teeth myself, floss is useless it can't get in between half my teeth. Shame hearing about his phobia because a lot of that brown and surface plaque can be cleaned out so quickly with just a dental clean, and save you many headaches further down the line.

I cannot stand the cleaning either OP. Fillings and teeth pulling don't really bother me , but the cleaning......I also almost need restraining!

But now I get Xanax. Or some other relaxant from the docs. Get him to make an appointment, go to the doctor and get something. It will help him.

Where in the country are you? I can recommend 2 great dentist clinics in Dublin for nervous patients.

Also, has he ever taken anxiety meds before? If not then he will be absolutely knocked out of it if he can get 1-2mg xanax off the doc or dentist beforehand. Dentist will likely only give .5mg max which will calm him but not to the level he seems to need, so I'd ask the dr.

Once he's the first session over with and finds a kind dentist, it'll be a whole lot easier. I used to have a massive dental phobia and I don't need any kind of anxiety meds or sedation to go now. I never tried the IV sedation though so I can't speak for that.

"His breath smells like something died in his mouth and I’m starting to
feel embarrassed both for him, and me when we attend an event or even
meet friends."

Have you told him this? As directly as you've said it here?

I feel like if you haven't - you might need to.

It's 'cruel to be kind' stuff, but if you're honestly at the point of disgust with this (and therefore him) you might really need to put that out there as strongly and simply as that, in order to get him to really see the consequences.

No pussy-footing will get through to him most likely, regarding phobias/health implications imo

"Your teeth and breath are repulsive and embarassing" is probably more likely to snap him out of it.

He needs to get to a dentist who will sedate him as necessary, (get the recs above - best way!)

He needs to get the first visit out of the way, invest in an electric toothbrush/waterpik and get serious about how much worse it WILL get otherwise

Like I said, let him go to GP and arrange surgery under general anaesthetic. Get them all out and have dentures. That meets his needs for anaesthetic and yours.

tell him you'll leave him! That's the bottom line when you think about it. If he smells like something has died in his mouth how can you share a bed with him? That's a deal breaker for me, particularly if it's self inflicted and there are options!

I speak as someone who had horrendous issues with my teeth all my life as my mother never took me to a dentist as a kid. I have had multiple fillings, root canals, crowns, bridges and implants with bone grafting. Its been very invasive, traumatic at times, painful. But I did it for my health, my sense of self, my consideration of my partner! Its a deal breaker.

you sound like a lovely person and a very understanding partner. He is lucky to have you! While I sympathize greatly with his fears there are so many options these days for dealing with irrational fears. I think in a relationship you owe it to your partner to try and fix something they might find repulsive about you. Otherwise it certainly seems that they don't care enough about you to fix it.

When the physical attraction is affected by something like awful dental issues or body odour the relationship suffers.

As a woman I would be appalled if my partner told me my breath smelled like a dead animal ! I would do whatever I possibly could to fix it for myself, for him and for anyone else I come into contact with! Good luck !