online dating

@YellowLead How exhausting.

Ah that's a tough one if things are good otherwise. That would bug me bigtime, but I'd probably wait it out a bit longer to see if he quits it.

Sorry but def you need to talk about this (money issue) cause it will always be there & come up again in future arguments again & again & def needs to have respect for you as well.But also if he is going through a hard time due to Ex-wife or other things you dont take it out or be rude (u know what i mean) to the other person cause they did nothing wrong & i learnt this the hard way when i had other issues going on & let my mood then effect other people. & it was never the same again after that.

Yes I’ve said I’m going to talk about it :)

Do you mean his mood or mine, I’m not quite sure.

Ah yes - very true. He definitely is carrying stuff from previous relationships. He steamrolled from the first to the second without much thought and while there was a gap before me I can’t help but feel I was chosen merely because I am not crazy and can pay half the bills. He did say something like he won’t do better than me after our first date which initially bugged me but then I chose to see it as a compliment. Looking back in hindsight it probably meant he would settle for me because he better (in his eyes) wouldn’t settle for him.

Absolutely. It’s not over yet, I just feel we are incompatible on some levels and he’s not wrong and I’m not wrong but the way he is dealing with it at the moment (making bitchy comments increasing in volume) is not right. He’s been wanting to move very fast (maybe I’m being unfair but I worry it’s so he has somebody to split rent with) and now maybe he’s realised he’s trying to push a square peg into a round hole and wanting to change who I am and because that’s not happening the passive aggressiveness comes out. Perhaps I’m imagining all of this and a suitable explanation will ensue…

I do get how awful it is to have a marriage breakdown and be out of pocket as a result as well as not getting to live with your child. But I didn’t do that to him and I don’t have endless amounts of patience for grown adults who can’t sort their **** in their own head out. But I’ll give him a chance.

Well you know we're going to ask what's happened!

Hope you're ok Jeq.

That's it exactly. If he gets defensive or doesn’t want to talk about it - that’s a huge red flag for future challenges that might arise. I told him I wanted to talk about it, it came up over text because there were more statements about me I thought were mean and he said he was just trying to wind me up. I’m all for a bit of slagging and banter and in fact I couldn’t function without it - but something just feels a little off. Maybe it’s just his style and I’ve never encountered that before so don’t know what to make of it. I would only try and wind up people I don't like, and even then hardly ever. I guess there’s a line that is individual for everyone - but the bottom line is if I don’t like certain behaviours and he’s not willing to change then it’s my prerogative to end the relationship. Actually there was one other guy, my conspiracy theorist/blame failures on everybody else guy - he used to be the same, and he showed his true colours when I ended it by being very bitter and nasty.
And thank you for the compliments, you’re very kind and back at you :) I think it takes a confident secure guy to handle an independent woman!

I usually just lurk here…

I was thinking last week that the thread was a bit quiet recently. On a flying visit to the big smoke this morning and knowing I'd have a few spare minutes before my appointment, I said "maybe I'll check the thread" - a lot going on all of a sudden!

@PoisonIvyBelle You've been so quiet, I thought you must have eloped!🤣

While the scrapbook wouldn't ever be something I'd do myself (I mean for myself), the fact that someone else went to the trouble of capturing shared memories would be very touching. It's something that costs so little but means so much to a receptive person. I'm trying not to hang onto stuff that has outlived it's immediate usefullness, but I do occasionally come across a receipt or ticket that will spark a pleasant train of thought. I'm sure your fella will love it.

@Jequ0n I've heard it said that "you can't kill a bad thing" - I reckon you'll be ok.😀

@YellowLead: I'm in no position to give advice on this sort of thing, so all I can do is wish you the best. As others have said you have your head screwed on, and fair play to you for being willing to give the guy a chance, I've no doubt you'll achieve the best resolution for you.

This topic did make me ponder incompatabilities in general, or at least significant differences. I have the night owl / early bird thing going on to a minor degree, but we've found a reasonable workaround. The money issue might have been problematic: at first I thought there was too much of a difference in our approach. I grew up with money always being tight and I never really adapted to the times when it was a bit more plentiful. On first impressions my gf seemed to be quite the opposite. Fortunately I took the wait and see approach: it turns out she loves to get good value just as much as me, however if going out for a meal she'll go for quality and deal with the cost implications later, rather than aiming for a price and possibly being disappointed with the quality. I decided that would be a good habit to cultivate so I've been practicing her philosophy to very good effect. As I get older anyway I realise I can't afford to buy cheap.

All that said, while I'm generally easy-going, I am insistent on feeling respected. Like you I'm grand with banter / playful teasing, I give a fair amount of it and get the same measure in return, but the idea of someone winding me up purely for their own amusement is like a very large rag to a very angry bull😀. I can't do the passive agresive approach either - if you've something to say, spit it out.

@Pwindedd On the passage of time, since you're fond of poetry:

Were the people mind altering as well. Or just the substances ?

Ah sure look we all have a blow out from time to time. At least you have the self awareness to jump back behind the line when you've limboed under it.

You have too much hope in me but at least one of us is hopeful.

"

"The Secret of Life is enjoying the passage of time

Any fool can do it, there is nothing to it……"

It also has a reference to Einstein's Theory of Relativity - might appeal to a LSS expert🤣.

Reminds me of this from Movie Euro trip 😉😂

If this is true, it's positively delicious 😋

Delighted for you JeQu0n, though be warned: bad spelling would be considered a serious perversion in some quarters.