What's the etiquette here??

Warning in trap 3, a flock of swallows.

Just dropped off a load in Croke Park. Tradition for me at this stage.

The father-in-law is a Cork man and a pint man. Might have to tell herself to remind him to use the “downstairs” tomorrow morning. Maybe bring a box of matches.

Was heading back from the golf course just there and got caught short heading up the Howth Road. Had to make a slight detour down Assam’s Road and into The Cedar Lounge. Good facilities. Armie Shanks with a pot that could take the largest pintman load.

Unfortunately they had the dreaded Tork OneSheet system in place. Pulling out single sheets is just unpleasant. Was tempted to leave the whole thing to stew, but I’m not a monster.

Stopped at the Portlaoise Plaza recently.

Went in to do what comes naturally. 6 stalls. 2 occupied and the other 4 had no bog roll. Nothing. Zero. Nil. Nada.

Grand I'll give the disabled one a go. Guess what? Same story. Disgraceful turn of events. Managed to run out the jammer and get a packet of tissues I keep in case of emergency (see above).

As I was exiting I saw a yank waddling towards the facilities. I pray for his sake he wasn't there for a seat and was only draining the snake.

"De Sea-durrrs" is only a 15 minute stumble from my front door. The facilities have what I like to call "good bones", the thrones are daycent and there's generally plenty of soap and hot water. I have noticed a GAA clubhouse kinda honk in there the last few times, not sure if that's due to outlanders peeing on the mats, or something systemic. It is an old boozer after all, and we should make some allowances for that. Could also be the ghost of Georgie Burgess.

I would deduct 2 marks (out of 10) for the Cats Bumhole dispenser system; they reek of economy and are never sufficient.

A solid 5/10 for me, rising to a possible 6 if they can do away with the bang of GAA clubhouse.

Still raging. They are charging over 6 quid for a pint of stout and then have the temerity to install a torture device that dispenses a single sheet of something you could use to sand a pine door with.

Maybe that Lenin dude was right.

Name and shame Bobson, name and shame. The punters need to know, so we can vote with our … well, we can vote

Keep a bucket handy and use the bath tap - should have 3/4" pipes and maybe even pumped assistance so will fill up in no time. Life is just too short for multiple cistern-fills (except on company time naturally)

Speaking of company time, in our offices they've reduced the flush volume yet again - so you're pretty much guaranteed to need two flushes if not more, using more water than one decent one.

Probably one of those kips with a pervaiding stench of stale farts and piss stained carpets.

Auld fcuckers emitting serious brown air, flapping the slack crotches of the baggy strides,last cleaned in 2019.

Thought that would be right up your alley, Brendan? Spending all day hoovering back pints with other taxi drivers; in and out from the bookies next door, giving out about foreigners and “bleeding’ culchies”; 3 bags of Manhattan Cheese and Onion, talking about the next Golf Society day out in Elm Green, cocking the leg and loudly farting as people are passing, giving up trying to do the crossword after 5 minutes, then into Macari’s on the way home for a smoked haddock and chips.

The toilets there couldn’t be as bad as my old local in Limerick. Those toilets were a yellow pish stained biohazard until the miserable owner finally bit the bullet and had a new bathroom installed. The worst part of it was a hideous gray coloured mop that was kept in the bathroom. It would be brought out by either Tom or Mark the barmen every evening at closing time to be used to mop the pub floor. God only knows what bacterial horrors were contained on that mop. My uncle used to call it “The septic mop”

Serious incident down at the club over the weekend .

Poor Sylvesteryne went out in the course early the clean the two well appointed shïtters before the Captains Prize got going.

Came out to report the finding of a large bolus of well marbled midden sitting in the sink in one of them

Contacted two lads playing the 8th to investigate and sure enough confirmed the find.

One lad sorted the problem with a sand wedge and a pitching wedge in either hand lifted the load out into the pan.

Two flushes it took to shift the fcukker…….investigations ongoing.

Whomever hit the, tricky, wedge shot should be awarded honorary pro “status”.

Definitely not Baba……investigations are ongoing……..