Child benefit debate over use of the money

It is her disposable cash, you would hope and expect that she would spend it on the children as almost all mothers do - but there is absolutely no rule that says she has to.

Your confusing what aught to happen and reality. The partner can ask all he likes about the money - but if you make decisions about how you organise these things which separate financial obligations - then these are the consequences of those decisions.

If their relationship is so messed up that it comes to that - then I suspect they won't be together much longer (as I said before).

It’s really very straight forward, especially nowadays with Revolut. Large fixed outgoing we simply have auto transfers set up e.g. I have an auto transfer for my half of the mortgage to my wife set for the 1st of the month as it come out of her account. Day to day stuff who ever pays just hit split bill or send a Revolut payment request. Finally we also keep an ongoing list in notes in our phones for anything that falls outside the above splits that might be let run a few weeks and is settled up then (it often more or less cancels out).

Much prefer this than operating out of a joint account, even one that’s funded from separate accounts - which is a method I wouldn’t have an issue with either but prefer our way. Both getting paid into one account though and working out of that I would not ever consider.

There is 3-4 different ways you can look at this. If nothing parents are earning much the same then it's more or less 50/50 and CA should be included in this.

My better half job shared for 15+ years. We never had a joint account. I generally paid the bills mortgage loans etc as well as the health insurance electricity and telephone. I arrange servicing of cars if we were buying a car we see who had money available, we have not borrowed for a car for a out 20 years.

She bought the shopping, kids clothes we pooled for holidays depending on who had money.

The CA was paid into her account . However it was part of the pool of money available to both of us. I think some of the CA went into an education fund but we did not really touch it as we funded college out of general income for the three children.

The other thing to remember is there couid be 2-3 children allowance payments amounting to 280 or 420/ month. In tge case of three children it 5k in income a year.

OP if yourself and you wife earned h tge sane it should be pooled. If either earn substantially more than the other a 50/50 split on costs is not fair either.

As I said we never had a joint account except for savings. I did most of the investing but picked up most of the bill as well. However both of us knew what we both earned and where savings were

I certainly wouldn't disagree with that.

Traditional, and I daresay now as well - it's far from equal in reality.

Those are some pretty sweeping generalisations.

And I suppose it's the men who get to decide what is "unnecessary expenditure", right? Because the silly little women can't be trusted with money.

I can see what way this thread is going now. Bye.

You appear to have a fairly contradictory view on things, you don’t agree with couples having separate finances (making fairly over the top judgements on lack of trust etc) while at the same time saying the CB is the woman’s to keep and spend as she sees fit.

So men can not be trusted with money basically, all salary should be pooled (presumably so it can be clearly tracked by the woman in the relationship) but the child benefit should go to the woman so she has money to spend as she sees fit but a man couldn’t be trusted with it. It’s no wonder that men are so heavily discriminated against in marriage breakups when options like this are still going around.

As for the comment about keeping separate finances meaning there can be no say on where the CB goes, that is also baseless. We decided with pretty much no thought at all on it that the CB would be saved for future expenses such as university - as is common among anyone I have spoken with on the topic - operating out of our own individual accounts had no impact on this decision.

If there isn't trust enough to pool resources then the situation dictates that the women is in charge of the CB since she has it paid into her bank account. How I feel about that is not material - it's what it is.

People confuse making a statement of observable fact with a judgement on those facts.

Personally, as I have clearly stated, a healthy relationship has none of these issues, the wife/partner/mother is trusted to handle money responsibly for the good of her family/children and since she is the recipient of the CB it is her responsibility to manage it.

I never had a single issue of trust about money with my partner over our whole marriage - but we defined the ground rules at the begining and stuck to them. All financial decisions are joint, all resources are joint, all responsibilities are taken jointly.

If that not built into a relationship at the very begining you will inevitably meet issues of trust along the way.

Is it mandatory to have a joint bank account when you get married?

Would love to see where it is mandated.

I'm married 20+ years and it has never come up. She pays some things, I pay others, never been an argument. Asked a couple of friends and they don't have joint account either. They said (like me) that this was something their parents did in the old days.

Is it still a thing? Maybe as an ADDITIONAL account some people would have it, but as a norm? Definitely not amogst people I know.

As for the OP. Children are expensive. Many costs are almost invisible, but they add up. The €140 goes towards these costs that are way above €140. Just trust her and never ever ask what it is spent on unless finances become tight.

That’s a good point on how things were done in the past compared to now. I think in the past this was likely much more common to pool everything in one account but for modern couples I would think it’s not nearly as common. People are older getting married so have their finances (and how they manage them) much more established, people are more independent and importantly in most cases both couples work.

With multiple fintech banks also it’s not unusual for someone to have 3 or 4 current accounts, a few savings accounts and investments so going back to pooling in a single current account would be a very usual move in my opinion.

Both couples working and having their own income is also very different to when CB was introduced and the origin of why it’s seen as a payment for the mother (as back then it may have been her only independent money).

Well done lads. Some of ye just can't help but fall for a windup.

I'm surprised how difficult it is for some couples to budget. It's very straightforward, or it should be be.

A joint bills account is fairly essential imo. Just agree how to split what goes into it from each person. Change split amount as necessary. Then the couple can have seperate accounts if they want.