Child benefit debate over use of the money

So kinda like how people with seperate accounts have to have a discussion around who is managing what expenses & the level of those including the split? Essentially the discussion has to take place in either scenario.

Also if my partner wants to spend the remainder of his salary (after we pay mortgage, bills & childcare) on whatever takes his fancy, off he can pop without talking to me about it. And vice versa. As long as it doesn't impact the family spending, then why should I have oversight on it or need to discuss it. It's his money or my money that we've earned ourselves.

I meant I get that if there's only 1 of the couple working, it makes sense to do it that way but if both are working & earning comparable incomes, then neither should have to account to the other on their discretionary spend.

why do adults need to discuss everything they do with their money? Once household bills and paid then you shouldn’t have to be getting consent to spend your own money. Seems daft to me.

If I was plannig a big purchase e.g. a car I would mention it out of interest as she might want to come along and see it etc but it would in no way be looking for or requesting consent nor would my wife try to stop me (or vice versa). We know ourselves what we can afford or not and trust each other to manage our money to ensure we aren’t short for important things.

Completely! I know there was more discussion when I was on maternity leave & not earning than normal as things did have to be planned out & we were living mainly off the joint account (or well I was).

We'd probably discuss expenses the size of cars a bit more because we share the cars but ultimately if my partner was buying a car out of his own money, he wouldn't have to talk to me. Definitely wouldn't need my consent (although I might caution it if there were big expenses coming up or something).

How is it transactional though? In fact I'd argue that they've become less transactional. A woman is no longer depending on a man to support her. The transaction there is clear - the husband will earn the money as his part & the woman would have stayed home to mind the children. Nowadays the load is actually more evenly spread between the 2. I don't necessarily need my partner to provide for me but I want him there & to provide for each other. Even my mam who is in her 70's agrees that while she & my dad had distinct roles, that's very different for us & not necessarily in a bad way.

I would also argue that it's very grown up & mature to not be reliant on another individual no matter your relationship to them. To be able to manage your own finances at the same time as ensuring the family finances are kept well is more responsibility to a degree.

Getting married means you have to only have a joint account?

Nonsense.

Yes agreed, something like a car would certainly come up in conversation lots before buying as it would be something you would be chatting on and showing the ads, going to look at the cars etc but never from a financial perspective as she would know I’d have done the maths and that I could afford it and not be told I should spend my money on other things.

Car might have been a bad example really but say I spend 1200 euro on a phone (which I’ve done) that would barely get a mention aside from “I’m getting a new phone”. I had been putting money aside for the above over a long period so while it looks a big outlay it was planned for.

OK. I appreciate this and know a lot of people work this way and you want to come across or identify as being very wealthy. Bragging is wonderful, but do you have the concept that some people aren't well off and have to pool their money together? Often this means even smaller purchases need to be discussed first. In other relationships couples just pool their money and buy what they want when they need it. They could even be insanely wealthy… they just don't mind pooling and are comfortable in that trust.

Your posting style is very familiar to a previous legendary, outspoken poster on these subjects!! 😉

I wasn't trying to come across as wealthy by any means I was just giving an example to get a point across, we are far from wealthy but we are not struggling either - just middle of the road like many. As regards the phone, I buy phones infrequently, generally when the old one is no longer usable. I had been putting small amounts of money aside over a long period towards a new one so when the time came it wasn't coming out of day to day spending or anything like that.

The only point I was making early in the thread is that different couples manage money in different ways, many who have posted here have said they do something similar to our way but one or two people found it unusual which is why the conversation continued.

Unless you are kicking them out of the family home, or charging them rent, then it seems very odd to hand over a significant amount of money to an 18 year old. It will be gone before the end of the summer in a lot of cases.

That money should be used for their education and maybe to help with big expenses they might have. They don't even need to know about those savings you kept specifically for them.

Save the big windfall for the will.

Trust your wife here. Sometimes a person just needs some discretionary spend without being questioned.

Allow her to do what she feels is the right thing, maybe some set aside and some for toys or clothes or whatever for the child.

Don’t get worked up about it. Allow her this freedom. It’ll work out for the best.

2 kids here and wife gets childrens allowance, I have never asked a single thing about it, am I wrong!?

Not necessarily. Probably depends on your financial well-being. I would say the majority of Irish husbands should take an interest in/or some responsibility for family finances (you might be labelled an untrusting control freak if you do though)