Husband cheating

Stop reading your husbands texts.

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Warned: Not appropriate advice to someone who has discovered their spouse is cheating. Please read the forum charter.

When you're married there should be no need for secrets, or to hide your phone

It's a bit silly to be going on about trust in relation to reading the texts rather than trust in relation to organising a meetup with another lady in a hotel

You need to probably leave him, what's your gut feeling saying ?

If he's cheating on you or is planning to do so, there is nothing you can do to stop him. Even if you manage to stop this weekend's meet-up happening, it will be nothing more than a sticking plaster on a gaping wound. He'll simply get better at covering his tracks and you won't have another chance to read his texts. Besides, this thread isn't about the rights and wrongs of reading a partner's texts. That ship has sailed.

You mentioned that you've been arguing for months and have pushed him away. Was it a happy marriage before this or were you having problems? Are you and your husband able to sit down and talk anymore? Would you both be open to going to marriage counselling? The two of you need to figure out where your marriage is going, rather than butting heads over this weekend.

What have you "been arguing with him a lot over the past few months" about?

There's a lot of surmising going on in this discussion and a not a lot of attention being paid to the actual wording of the original post.

It is what it is, I'm the one warned again.

Don't know how I'm going to cope to be honest.

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Warned: You were asked to read The Forum Charter. You also know not to comment on moderator actions on thread.

OK. First of all. You are married. What's yours is his and what's his is yours. Don't feel bad about reading his phone, you own the phone too. Now I will also say that he can look through your phone too. Most couples have trust and respect each others privacy so do not read each others phone, however, you clearly do not trust him and he does not respect you. You may not respect him depending on what has been said during arguments. You need to use your phone and take photos of the texts. Reply to that woman and say you are your husbands wife and she needs to leave him alone. Also, put her phone number in Facebook/insta/twitter search and you could find her account. If she is married I would also send the messages to her husband so he is aware of the situation.

Then you need to speak to your husband before the woman tells him you contacted her. I know you say you want to fight for your marriage and that is great, but he may not want to. And you cannot make him want to. You cannot make him love you and you can cry and promise counselling and promise to change but if he dosnt want to then you can't make him. If he is going to cheat then he is going to cheat. Bringing this all up will either prevent him for now, sort things out and stop him wanting to cheat or he will use it as an excuse to break up and go so it's technically not cheating.

Your other option is to let him play away and act like nothing happened but I wouldn't suggest that because you are worth more than that and you will kill yourself slowly with paranoia.

Wishing you luck

It all comes down to whether you are both willing to change. You need to acknowledge the things you’ve been doing to push him away. They could be minor things or they could be things that made him come to a decision to cheat very quickly. Was he a good partner in the past?? Is he worth fighting for?? Do you think he would feel the same if you suggest counselling, you’ll get your answer then. If you’re not willing to change (assuming he has been good to you , and faithful, until now), then there’s no hope.

Only you know the answers to these question. You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. He may have decided that the things you’ve been doing to push him away, are non negotiable. Did you intentionally push him away or was it a behaviour change as a result of what you went through.

First of all, ignore all of this. It's absolutely terrible advice.

Secondly, it's not about "letting" him go away for the weekend or insisting you go with him so you can basically cock-block your own husband. Sorry to be crude, but that's essentially what you're planning to do, and it's bonkers. You need to talk to him. Tell him you know what he's planning. Don't get dragged into a discussion about the rights and wrongs of reading his texts. Acknowledge that you have been a difficult partner recently, tell him you want to save your marriage, and then go from there. Any other course of action is madness.

And for the love of god, don't text the other woman.