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Still thinking about colleague

  • 18-04-2025 10:35PM
    #1
    aoifeC365
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭


    Is it normal to be still thinking of an old work colleague you had a major crush on six years after leaving work/seeing them?



Comments

  • #2
    Princess Calla
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,385 ✭✭✭Princess Calla


    It's easy to look back on someone with rose tinted glasses.

    You're now just building a fantasy around them.

    You're not doing yourself any favours as the reality definitely won't match your fantasy.

    You also could be using this fantasy as a way of avoiding moving on with your life romantically.



  • #3
    cj maxx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,482 ✭✭✭✭cj maxx


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058406736/still-thinking-about-colleague

    No , but it not healthy to be thinking back on what might have been . Move on



  • #4
    charlessmith22
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48 ✭charlessmith22


    Depends on the level of 'still thinking'. Everyone gets occasional memories of past relationships or crushes. If you are ruminating or having constant intrusive thoughts about a random colleague you fancied it probably points to you being very unhappy in whatever your current situation is and using that fantasy as an escape from the momatony of a current bad relationship or the pain of loneliness if single.



  • #5
    DellyBelly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,480 ✭✭✭DellyBelly


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058406736/still-thinking-about-colleague

    Have you tried to catch up with them since ay all? Maybe see can you find them on FB or Instagram and reach out that way maybe?



  • #6
    aoifeC365
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9 ✭aoifeC365


    Thanks everyone. I'm not on social media. I have their number but I'd be afraid now after all this time. Plus I don't think they'd be interested in talking to me. Anyway, I guess I'll just have to ignore it. :(



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  • #7
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,636 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Did anything ever actually happen with this colleague? If not, then I'd have to say that yes, it is a bit weird to still be thinking about/pining for them to this degree, at this remove.

    If you guys had a bit of a thing and there's an element of "the one that got away" going on, then I'd perhaps give a bit more slack, but by the sounds of things either nothing ever happened or if it did, it ended badly, so I think it's probably best if you try and move on. Perhaps with the help of a bit of counselling, if you're still finding it so difficult six years after the fact.



  • #8
    SineadSpears
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,030 ✭✭✭SineadSpears


    A lot of life can happen in 6years. They could be married off with a few kiddos at this stage, or maybe they aren't even in the country anymore.

    You probably couldn't randomly get back in contact with them to directly ask them out - unless you've got a very thick skin & don't mind if they turn you down, or if they are already taken.

    Are there any other colleagues you are still in contact with that you could ask "how's the old gang is getting on", "is John/Jane/bonkers Billy (& your colleague) still working there"... ?

    Or were you close enough to your colleague that you could message them just to check in to see how work life is threating them these days (without mentioning any kind of romantic interest)?

    I have old colleagues & people I studied with that I still check in with every year or two just to say hi & see how they are doing. We don't always meet up but sometimes it's nice to catch up for a quick chat (or a moan about the new boss/colleagues😉)

    There's something comforting about being around someone who understands your need for silence & space. You don't have to fill the air with words or explanations, they just get it..



  • #9
    jen1978
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 ✭jen1978


    i would set up some social media and connect that way to see if he is married etc first.



  • #10
    Tork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,604 ✭✭✭Tork


    It would be more helpful to reflect on why you're still thinking about this person all these years later. If you're single and not having much luck on the dating front, it's all too easy to drift back to these happier times. You haven't told us what sort of relationship you had with this colleague but I get the impression that you just admired them from afar and that nothing happened. Are you sure you're not writing Harlequin novels in your head and building this person/your connection into something it never could be?

    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123381274#Comment_123381274

    I have to admit this is what I'd do. Then again, I have looked up my exes in the past, just for nosiness' sake!



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