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  • 15-05-2004 12:27am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 484 ✭✭


    She’s oh so tempting,
    cool and new against your skin.
    Glory in her embrace.
    Freedom in her grip.

    She’ll take you away,
    no way back.
    Don’t go to her,
    leaving me here in the rain.

    I’ll give you what you need,
    make it all go away.
    Carry you to bliss.
    Can you here me calling you home?
    Embrace the isolation,
    and realize you’re not alone.

    Don’t go to her,
    leaving me here to feel the cold.
    She’ll take you away,
    no way back.

    I’ll not love you less,
    when you choose her instead of me.
    I’ll keep the fire blazing,
    so you’ll always be safe.
    I’ll remember you,
    everytime waves crash on the shore,
    and shadows fall at my feet.
    __________________________________________

    So much, so much, so much,
    words,
    feelings,
    tears,
    smiles,
    living,
    breathing,
    dying.
    Learn to change,
    leave alone the ancient ones,
    with their never-ending,
    knowledge,
    pain,
    newness!
    Taste everything ,
    for fresh sensation.
    To be new,
    and unravelled.
    _______________________________________________

    Ancient beauty,
    new form.
    Suffering still,
    forced separation.
    Pulled together,
    torn apart.
    Meet again,
    new beginning.
    Peaceful eyes,
    gentle sleep.
    Love unhindered,
    past forgotten.
    Chains broken,
    dancing free.
    ______________________________________________


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,352 ✭✭✭funky penguin


    I dont like critics, so i wont bad mouth your work. I liked it all, and my favourite line is the parodoxical "Freedom in her grip." (4th line 1st stanza of 1st poem).

    Kinda reminds me of the situation in iraq, where the coalition forces believe their force is creating freedom.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 484 ✭✭Shewhomustbe...


    Ah critics aren't all that bad, we all need someone to despise!!!

    Thank you for taking the time to read them.

    I never thought of the line that way but it does have the irony that encapsulates that entire situation.

    Thank you again.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Doctor Funfrock


    sweet :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29 Beatrix


    I do rather like the second poem!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,476 ✭✭✭ShriekingSheet


    Originally posted by Shewhomustbe...


    Embrace the isolation,
    and realize you’re not alone.


    I like them all, my favorite being the last one!

    There's a few bit's here and there that put me off. The quoted bit above is pure bull sh*t in all honesty. Trying to sound profound for the sake of sounding profound IMO


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 67 ✭✭weeginger


    I like them - I have to agree the last is my favourite. There are some class metahphors.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 484 ✭✭Shewhomustbe...


    Originally posted by ShriekingSheet

    The quoted bit above is pure bull sh*t in all honesty. Trying to sound profound for the sake of sounding profound IMO

    How DARE you post a reply like that.

    It is one thing to critisize work based solely on it not being of interest to you but it is something different altogether to make a bitchy personal comment.

    You have no idea of the subject matter/ inspiration so have no right to flippantly claim any part is bullsh*t, but to THEN insinuate it was only written to sound profound.
    Would that be so I can feel validated by people like you?

    I can only assume that you have never experienced anything that would allow,

    Embrace the isolation,
    and realize you’re not alone.

    to be relevant in your world, but I'm know others have, or are they just trying to be profound as well?


  • Subscribers Posts: 9,716 ✭✭✭CuLT


    You get the idiots with the geniuses on the internet, best thing to do is ignore the idiots, the Admins and Mods deal with them :) .

    And ShriekingSheet, qualifying the word "bullsh*t" with "in my opinion", does not, in fact, validate using profanity where civil language would have sufficed.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 484 ✭✭Shewhomustbe...


    Originally posted by CuLT

    You get the idiots with the geniuses on the internet, best thing to do is ignore the idiots, the Admins and Mods deal with them :)

    Thank you CuLT,
    you made me smile again:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,476 ✭✭✭ShriekingSheet


    Originally posted by Shewhomustbe...
    How DARE you post a reply like that.

    You posted it on a public board. I can comment as I wish within the rules - just because you don't like what I said doesn't make it against the rules. That said, I'm embarassed about how freaked out you got about my post and I won't comment on one of your posts again.

    -CoNoR


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,476 ✭✭✭ShriekingSheet


    Originally posted by CuLT
    "bullsh*t" using profanity where civil language would have sufficed.

    you've gotta be jokin' me :p

    I also want to point out the fact that while voicing your disgust at my post, criticising someone's poetry (:eek: ) you called me an idiot...


  • Subscribers Posts: 9,716 ✭✭✭CuLT


    I don't know where you are that the word 'idiot' is considered profanity 0_o .

    Do you really believe calling something "bullsh*t" is valid criticism?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 29 Beatrix


    Listen to the good and bad critics equally. Consider both opinions equally. Then throw away that which is bad and hurtful and keep what makes you smile.

    Helps me... xxx


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 484 ✭✭Shewhomustbe...


    Originally posted by ShriekingSheet

    You posted it on a public board. I can comment as I wish within the rules - just because you don't like what I said doesn't make it against the rules. That said, I'm embarassed about how freaked out you got about my post and I won't comment on one of your posts again.

    -CoNoR

    Yes, I posted on a public board, and yes I expected/hoped for comments.
    However, my reaction had nothing to do with yours being a negative comment.

    I wrote that piece in tribute to someone so for you to go,
    The quoted bit above is pure bull sh*t in all honesty

    was hurtful.
    That said I would not have
    freaked out
    if that had been it. Instead you felt the need to follow it with a personal insult.
    Trying to sound profound for the sake of sounding profound IMO

    Do you hold people in such contempt that you believe someone would write just to try and sound profound to blank strangers. Apart from insulting me you've also done so to anyone else that posts their work.

    I have no problem with you commenting on any of my posts, I do have a problem with you not being able to take back what you so readily throw out.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    I am leaving this thread open. Shreiking sheet has been warned. Please notify me by pm when these things happen incase I miss it.

    Thanks!


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