Confirmation confusion

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:18AM #1

My nearly 13 year old son is about to be Confirmed, but is having serious doubts about it. He has been having intensive Catechism classes and feels that Catholicism is not the religion for him. (This from a boy who less than 2 years ago told me that we weren't Catholics, but Christians!)

As a (now) single mother of three, I have done my best to bring up my children in the knowledge and love of God - as promised at their baptisms, but they are very aware of different belief systems and comparative religion, and this lad is having a hard time relating what is taught in school to the world he lives in. (E.g according to his teacher, his mother is an adulterer and so are many of the people he knows; he also knows lots of people, including his father, many of them catholic or christian who do not attend church religiously every Sunday, and he has to believe they will burn in hell!)

He is very interested in Buddhism and has been looking into it as a serious proposition for the future. However, the Confirmation is looming and his conscience is bothering him about some of what he will have to promise in the Confirmation rite, as he genuinely feels that he cannot honestly do so.

It is tempting to tell him to go through with it and then change religion when he is older if he still feels like this, but for a young man who has obviously been thinking seriously about the subject for some thime, I feel he deserves better. He knows that he will be making solemn promises at Confirmation and wants to be able to make them in good faith. I have told him that the gifts of the Holy Spirit received at Confirmation will help his faith, and that we can go and talk to a priest together about his feelings, but I'm not sure that this is enough.

Any suggestions?

MrJoeSoap · 09-02-2006 03:41AM

Surely if he is having doubts it would be best to at least delay his confirmation. If he feels as though he has come to some sort of a decision in the future I'm sure it isn't too much trouble to be confirmed outside of the normal school/Confirmation method (assuming it is being done through school).

I think it is a great thing to see that someone so young is thinking so actively about religion and trying to fend for themselves, so perhaps making a confirmation whilst not 100% committed to it is not such a good idea. I know I wish I hadn't made mine, even though I had no major objections at the time.

Best of luck with it for you and your son either way.

Goodshape · 09-02-2006 04:03AM

Wow. He sounds just like me when I was his age. I was made go through with it and still resent that slightly, I think it's highly unfair for the church to impose this sort of thing at that age.

I think now, as I did then, that it should ultimitly be his choice. Confirmation is seen as a mature statement of faith - and so obviously, in the eyes of the church at least, your son at 13 years of age is now mature enough to make his own decisions in this regard.

If you disagree with the chruch asto your sons maturity then, again, I think that's reason not to go through with it.

Almost ten years on and I have nothing more todo with the catholic church (nor did I then to be honest.. it was just 'the thing to do' at that age aparently) and would consider myself a spiritual person none the less. If your son changes his mind in the future, I don't think anything is stoping him from getting confirmed at a later date.

(sorry for the rambling nature of that post... 'tis 4am, don't you know)

Asiaprod · 09-02-2006 04:28AM

Its great you posted this. As you can see we have been discussing the issues of Baptism, Holy Communion and Confirmation to a great extent on the board. In particular, the fear encountered when dealing with hell.

The first point I would make is that his teacher should be shot for implying that you (his mother) are an adulterer, and also for the idea that his father and other friends will burn in hell I personally would bring the teacher to court over this or a least to some ethics authority. Minors are very well protected in this day and age. The damage that this type of comment does to a minor is incalculable and the teach has no right to impose hi/her opinions on others.

Re the Buddhism aspect, speaking as one, there is nothing wrong with having an interest in Buddhism as elements of it can very comfortably walk hand in hand with other belief systems, and will teach him a lot. I do feel that Buddhism in particular may require a little more maturity of the student. I do not say this in any derogatory sense, its just that it appears to be a path that gets followed a little later in life.

In dealing with the real issue, the Confirmation. I would not like to see any kid pushed into doing something he had reservations about. As MrJoeSoap mentioned, it might indeed be better to postpone the Confirmation to a later date. But then you would also have to deal with the social and class aspects. I hesitate to give any advise on this issue. I know it is easy to talk about these things, but when it comes to taking real actions it is a very different story. As you have already said, you have lived up to your Baptismal promise to raise your kids in the knowledge and love of God. Weither I or any one else here does/does not believe in God is irrelevant to this problem. It is a commitment you made and I admire you for carrying through on it. In light of this, I believe you do need to talk these issues through with somebody who can be trusted to give unbiased answers. I don't think I will hear any objections (I truly hope not) from my fellow debaters here if I were to recommend that you talk with Excelsior on this issue, either in private or on the boards. I would trust his opinion here much more than I would trust my own. I really wish you all the best with this. It is a nasty problem to have to deal with, especially when one considers that in this post we are not talking theory. There is a real person at the end of this, and any decision made will without fail determine this young mans course in life

Asiaprod · 09-02-2006 04:31AM

Goodshape wrote:

sorry for the rambling nature of that post... 'tis 4am, don't you know

Not a bad answer for 4am in the morning:) , for me its easier, its 1:30pm here in Japan

Goodshape · 09-02-2006 04:58AM

Asiaprod wrote:

Not a bad answer for 4am in the morning:) , for me its easier, its 1:30pm here in Japan

yea.. I envy that sometimes. boards.ie is a much more peaceful place at this time.

Asiaprod wrote:

recommend that you talk with Excelsior on this issue

That's a good idea no doubt. I'm sure he'll be along in the morning to contribute a piece

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 10:31AM

Thanks for your support.

I really don't think one can blame the teacher though, she is only passing on Catholic dogma as propounded by the Irish Catholic church. If you disobey the commandments you go to hell, and breaking them is a mortal sin. What seems to have been forgotten in the classroom is that Jesus preached forgiveness, and all sins can be atoned for - hence my still being a devout Christian who worships in the Catholic faith after having more than my share of problems down the years.

My son has a problem with 'having' to go to Mass, but I explained to him that I choose to go to Mass regularly as a form of spiritual renewal, a chance once a week to meet with God away from the pressures of a busy life; a recharging of my spiritual battery if you like - and that if I cannont attend church for one reason or another, (he is usually away with his father on Sundays) I make sure I get some time of reflection, even if it's only walking the dog on the beach.

someone sent me information on Neale Walshe's 'Conversations with God' and i showed my son the 'commitments' in it, as opposed to commandments. We had a long chat (almost being late for school as a result) and he seems much happier with everything now. He has a couple of months anyway and whatever decision he makes I will support him.

I've also explained to him what the word 'catholic' really means: as opposed to Catholic with a capital 'c'. It may make things easier for him to believe in a 'universal' church of believers in God than a patriarchal, dogmatic 'Catholic' church as the only path to God. As you've noticed, he's an amazing thinker for his age, and will no doubt surprise me with what he decides over the next few weeks.

I only wish his elder brother would take a similar attitude!

Beruthiel · 09-02-2006 10:40AM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

Any suggestions?

all I would do in such circumstances is tell him that the final decision is his and you are there if he needs to talk

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 11:00AM

Beruthiel wrote:

all I would do in such circumstances is tell him that the final decision is his and you are there if he needs to talk

But to make a decision he needs good information.... that's what I'm trying to help him with.

MrJoeSoap · 09-02-2006 11:04AM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

But to make a decision he needs good information.... that's what I'm trying to help him with.

Yes but it is only what you see as good information. There are plenty of different viewpoints out there that your son may wish to explore.

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 11:26AM

MrJoeSoap wrote:

Yes but it is only what you see as good information. There are plenty of different viewpoints out there that your son may wish to explore.

you have a point there..... but i've downloaded information from many different sites and viewpoints and shared them with him, including the Dublin Buddhist site. It has taken me a long time to develop my spirituality to the point where i am really comfortable with it and that was by studying everything I could, including the Koran! There's no way I'd encourage him to make decisions without ALL possible options being covered (bearing in mind that he is only 12 of course)

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 11:28AM

... We have always studied Celtic Christianity as a family and celebrate all the ancient Celtic festivals in as traditional way as possible, so i can't be accused of not exposing my kids to a wide view of the world and spiritauality!

Goodshape · 09-02-2006 11:28AM

MrJoeSoap wrote:

Yes but it is only what you see as good information. There are plenty of different viewpoints out there that your son may wish to explore.

Surly you can see why, as his mother, she would want to show teach him of the faith she herself has chosen. That's not coercion, that's parenting imo.

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

someone sent me information on Neale Walshe's 'Conversations with God' and i showed my son the 'commitments' in it, as opposed to commandments. We had a long chat (almost being late for school as a result) and he seems much happier with everything now. He has a couple of months anyway and whatever decision he makes I will support him.

That sounds compleatly fair to me.

Just to clarify or whatever.. my parents had (and have) very little interest in, or knowledge of, religion themselves. I went through with my confrimation only because it was the 'done thing' and prehaps to save the hassle of being taken out of what is essentially a school project. The situation is different here I think, as Ba_barbaraAnne has obviously got an interest in Christianity herself and can explain to her son how it has benifited her on practical terms.

But I would urge you to stick to your last sentence in the quoted text - that the decision is ultimitly his.

MrJoeSoap · 09-02-2006 11:33AM

Goodshape wrote:

Surly you can see why, as his mother, she would want to show teach him of the faith she herself has chosen. That's not coeresion, that's parenting imo.

Oh of course, I'm just saying that from my perspective I think I was far too young to make my communion and confirmation, and its something that I now prefer I had not done. Anyway it seems the OP has been very open-minded and helpful to her son so I've every confidence they will make the right decision for themselves.

John Doe · 09-02-2006 11:39AM

It's not too long since I made my own Confirmation, and since then I've pretty much abandoned all organised religion (I had my doubts even then). I wish I hadn't made mine, but I can't say it's something that really bothers me: I still feel free to make my own religious and spiritual decisions now. Overall I think that there's no point in being Confirmed as a Catholic if you have doubts, but it's not the end of the world if you are, and then decide you're not Catholic at all at all. I will echo the good sense of just about everyone in this post by saying it's up to your son in the end. A 13 year old, though, no matter how mature, will probably need guidance. I know I do!

Asiaprod · 09-02-2006 11:41AM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

There's no way I'd encourage him to make decisions without ALL possible options being covered (bearing in mind that he is only 12 of course)

Sorry, I have to but in. Yes, support his choice by all means, but let me ask an honest question. He is 12, his experience of the world is very limited. What he liked this week he may not like next month. There may also be things he has not yet talked about with you. I know this may be delicate, but I have no other way to say it. Has he talked about it to his Dad? Has his Dad made any comment?

Nevyn · 09-02-2006 11:49AM

It seems that he is adult enough to know that he can not in good conscience accept and make the adult oaths to swear to take on the responsibiltes of an adult catholic and to state that he is choosing to be a catholic for the rest of his life.

Which is pretty much what the rite of confirmation is, you make the vows for yourself that others made on your behalf at your baptism.

I was 11 and did not want to be confirmed at that time but was pressured into it.
I had arguements from my parents, the head nun in my school, the parish preist and argued with the bishop when he came on the class visit.
None of thier arguements swayed me and I still think that 11/12/13 is far to young.
In the end I gave in to stop my mother crying.

Let your son find his own path, he may still want to be confirmed at a later date and if he does it will mean a lot more to him as he will have chosen it.

Currently in our household we are having the fun and games of my son only being 1 of 2 who are not recieving the rites of holy communion.

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 12:20PM

Thaedydal wrote:

It seems that he is adult enough to know that he can not in good conscience accept and make the adult oaths to swear to take on the responsibiltes of an adult catholic and to state that he is choosing to be a catholic for the rest of his life.

Which is pretty much what the rite of confirmation is, you make the vows for yourself that others made on your behalf at your baptism.

I am very proud of the fact that he is thinking things through in such a mature way. If I hadn't kept him back in 4th class he would have made his Confirmation 2 years ago (it is every two years down here) and could NEVER have had this level of maturity.

I was 11 and did not want to be confirmed at that time but was pressured into it.

I was 9 !!!! Hadn't a clue what it was all about and have horrible memories of my Confirmation day. My parents didn't even bother to come and we had to wear school uniform when all other schools in the church were dressed up. I was a tiny tot who had to walk home alone from the church after a rite I didn't understand, sponsored by somone who was roped in by the nuns to be a sponsor to the whole class that i never saw before or since.

Let your son find his own path, he may still want to be confirmed at a later date and if he does it will mean a lot more to him as he will have chosen it.

I think he will probably choose to go ahead with the rest of his class, but I don't mind if he doesn't. Everybody goes through some sort of crisis of faith at some stage in thier lives and later on he may choose to 'lapse', or even change religion. As long as he is comfortable with his decision now, the future can take care of itself.

Currently in our household we are having the fun and games of my son only being 1 of 2 who are not recieving the rites of holy communion.

Our village school has had a few non-catholics in Sacrament classes - they always give the children the option of joining in the day by singing in the choir or some other little part in the ritual and it seems to make everyone happy.

Asiaprod wrote:

Sorry, I have to but in. Yes, support his choice by all means, but let me ask an honest question. He is 12, his experience of the world is very limited. What he liked this week he may not like next month. There may also be things he has not yet talked about with you. I know this may be delicate, but I have no other way to say it. Has he talked about it to his Dad? Has his Dad made any comment?

His dad is a 'difficult' person... his sons don't really talk to him. they have to go to him weekends because of access order, but don't seem to have much of a line of communication with him. As he doesn't talk to me, i have no idea what they talk about, but having been married to him for over 11 years (a long time ago) I am pretty sure he would give the boy support of a kind and, not being very spiritual or religious, wouldn't mind too much, apart from what his family would think!

Asiaprod · 09-02-2006 12:29PM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

As he doesn't talk to me, i have no idea what they talk about, but having been married to him for over 11 years (a long time ago) I am pretty sure he would give the boy support of a kind and, not being very spiritual or religious, wouldn't mind too much, apart from what his family would think!

Sorry for asking the question, someone had to. And thanks for the honest answer. I just wanted to cover all angles.
As has been said by many, it is in the end his choice to make and the important thing is he has you to support him when he makes it:)
In my case I was only interested in the new cloths and the money:o . I really did not know what I was agreeing to.

hairyheretic · 09-02-2006 01:02PM

If he is mature enough to make a decision about his faith, then that should be respected. If he is having doubts about christianity, then I do not believe he should be confirmed now. It would be better for him to wait till he was sure it was something he wanted before going through with it.

If he wants to find out more information on various beliefs, there are quite a few represented by the posters here. If we don't know it all, we can at least provide the basics on quite a few things

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 02:54PM

I'm going to let him read this thread when he gets in from school and report back later

BrianCalgary · 09-02-2006 02:59PM

I would agree that the confimation is his own choice, however as his mother I would say that it is your responsibility to take him to church, have you tried a different denomination?, and to answer his questions.

God Bless you in the journey.

Asiaprod · 09-02-2006 03:16PM

BrianCalgary wrote:

I would say that it is your responsibility to take him to church, have you tried a different denomination?, and to answer his questions.

Brian, you are out of order on this one. Of course she knows her responsibility, she made the effort to post. This is about her son. It is his choice, her responsibility is to support him in that choice and not to steer him in her prefered direction. To accept a religion means just that, to accept it. Not to be pushed into it.
Sorry for the rebuke.

BrianCalgary · 09-02-2006 03:24PM

Asiaprod wrote:

Brian, you are out of order on this one. Of course she knows her responsibility, she made the effort to post. This is about her son. It is his choice, her responsibility is to support him in that choice and not to steer him in her prefered direction. To accept a religion means just that, to accept it. Not to be pushed into it.
Sorry for the rebuke.

Rebukes are welcome. No morning coffee yet.
Sorry if I came out wrong Barrbara.

Asiaprod · 09-02-2006 03:30PM

BrianCalgary wrote:

No morning coffee yet.

Ah, I know the feeling. I have a rule in my house, don't ask dad anything before he has his morning fix, or two, of Java:)

PS. that applies to the wife also:eek:

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:32PM

Ye are all fine.... all suggestions welcomed. Rob and I are reading this together now

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:33PM

Asiaprod wrote:

Ah, I know the feeling. I have a rule in my house, don't ask dad anything before he has his morning fix, or two, of Java:)

PS. that applies to the wife also:eek:

As soon as my eldest was able to use the kettle, the boys have always brought me coffee in bed! It keeps me out of the way until I'm bearable in the mornings

BrianCalgary · 09-02-2006 03:37PM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

As soon as my eldest was able to use the kettle, the boys have always brought me coffee in bed! It keeps me out of the way until I'm bearable in the mornings

Can your boys send my kids instructions? No wait teenagers don't get up until after 11:00 and I can't wait that long.:eek:

Asiaprod · 09-02-2006 03:37PM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

Ye are all fine.... all suggestions welcomed. Rob and I are reading this together now

Hi Rob, good luck in your search. Follow your heart, it rarely lies. I am off to my bed as my mother (wife, I get confused about this a lot) is on my case, but please feel free to ask us any questions. We are a very obliging bunch.

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:38PM

BrianCalgary wrote:

Can your boys send my kids instructions? No wait teenagers don't get up until after 11:00 and I can't wait that long.:eek:

my 8 year old recently asked if he could start making the coffee as he is now first up in the mornings at weekends etc. he can boil water in the microwave

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:39PM

BrianCalgary wrote:

Can your boys send my kids instructions? No wait teenagers don't get up until after 11:00 and I can't wait that long.:eek:

my 8 year old recently asked if he could start making the coffee as he is now first up in the mornings at weekends etc. he can boil water in the microwave

he also reckons i should set up a coffee machine so he could make my morning fix easily!

BrianCalgary · 09-02-2006 03:43PM

Hey Rob, great thing about the internet. Asia is off to bed in Asia whilst I am arriving to start my day in Western Canada.

God Bless you in your search. I'll be here all day

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:50PM

he's gone to feed his dog, plus all the other pets. Feeling a bit overwhelmed at the support he's getting i think. A bit of time to digest everything is needed.

If his teacher was any good I'd talk to her - and the local elderly curate is not exactly approachable for this sort of thing. He wouldn't talk to me when I had my 'bonus' baby over a year after being separated. Took him a long time to realise that I was a decent person who slipped up. I went into the town to have number three baptised!

MrJoeSoap · 09-02-2006 03:50PM

The sun never sets on www.boards.ie!

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:52PM

MrJoeSoap wrote:

The sun never sets on www.boards.ie!

just as well - although I hope i can actually get some sleep tonight!

Ba_barbaraAnne · 09-02-2006 03:53PM

Have to go and do 'mum' stuff. will check in later. Thanks to all for input

Charis · 10-02-2006 12:47AM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

If his teacher was any good I'd talk to her - and the local elderly curate is not exactly approachable for this sort of thing. He wouldn't talk to me when I had my 'bonus' baby over a year after being separated. Took him a long time to realise that I was a decent person who slipped up. I went into the town to have number three baptised!

For the record, we all slip up. While a baby is a little more noticeable, well hey, last I checked in Christianity there is forgiveness! And ALL children are blessings!:) It sounds like your youngest is pretty great, I can't believe he is willing to make coffee! Hope my kids decide to do that!

I want your son to know that I respect his feelings. Making a vow to God is serious and his maturity is highly commendable!

All the best! Raising kids is tough but doing it on your own is even harder!

smidgy · 11-02-2006 12:24PM

Sounds like young Rob is at a crossroads in life (albeit a bit sooner than i got there myself). There are daunting options that he is facing but it boils down to this as I see it.

Does he himself believe in Jesus Christ , the son of god, the messiah?

If so then he is compelled to be a christian. If he does not believe this then he must decide if he is prepared to put this aside for now and pursue other paths. But he must have absolute confidence in this decision (i.e thoroughly not believe in Jesus) otherwise he must exhaust his search for Jesus before
he turns from christianity.

If he does believe in Jesus then he must ask another question ( of lesser importance than the first),

Does he agree with Catholilc theology?

It seems he is having difficulties with that but it is not a breaking issue .. remember Jesus never said you had to be a catholic.

Regarding the confirmation ... I dont think that going through something against your will has any merits, the invitation from jesus always involves free will.

I dont know what his problem with mass is but he must ask himself if he believes that the eucharist is the body of Christ.

Tell Rob that the reality of hell scares adults silly too. Its awful to face that concept at his age. But you have it dead right - jesus message was one of hope and love not one of hell and damnation.

Regarding the buddhism, I dont really know if one can incorporate parts of buddhism into christianity , that other guy Asiaprod may be able to tell you that.

P.S I dont think he is going to go too far wrong with youself at the helm and the mature spiritual thinking that he has.

turbot · 11-02-2006 12:34PM

Your son definitely sounds very aware and progressive minded.

I don't know how old he is, though I would encourage him to develop his own insight and opinions on this whole area. Support his wise insights into spirituality, and allow him to discover "God" through his own metaphors.

Most people I know seemed to do their confirmation because:
1) They were told to
2) They were promised all kinds of presents

There is often a lot of "family peer pressure" applied that leads to people doing things that they might do very differently were it not for such pressure.

So I think AsiaProds suggestion is a good idea;
- report that teacher who made such comments to some ethics authority or at the very least have strong words with them
- put off your sons confirmation for 2 - 5 years or let him choose the right time for such, if any

Personally, after being confirmed, a couple of years later I realised that whenever I went to church, I simply sat there thinking about the weekend, and I'd rather be true to myself, than lie to god, so I stopped going.

I personally think that a young person of 12 - 14 years old has not had enough life experience to know they want to be confirmed. The whole process is premature. Maybe as an informed, educated adult they can make that decision for themselves, but a young teenager is, IMO too young.

Asiaprod · 11-02-2006 03:56PM

smidgy wrote:

Regarding the buddhism, I dont really know if one can incorporate parts of buddhism into christianity , that other guy Asiaprod may be able to tell you that.

Yes you can, many do.

Re the other stuff, you sure ask a lot of a kid of 12. Thats the whole issue here. Pushing all this on a minor and asking him to make a commitment before he has even experienced what is out there.
I stick with my opinion;
If he is worried or unsure, if he feels pressured or is letting the side down, if he feels it is not his chosen path, postpone it till he feels ready to make his own commitment. And support him, without pressure, untill such time as he feels ready.

And give him space.

Ba_barbaraAnne · 12-02-2006 09:06AM

Smidgy - Rob definitely believes in God and Jesus, just has problems with some of the Catholic teachings (as I do myself). I came very close to leaving the Catholic church a few years ago and joining the Church of Ireland, but decided in the end that the most important thing for me is being a Christian, and even though the Church and I do not accept each other completely, I choose to worship in the Catholic church.

Rob's attitude to being Confirmed is purely a conscience issue - can he make the promises in good faith? He is going to talk to his godfather this week and see what he suggests.

As far as being a Buddhist is concerned - the pure teachings of Jesus are not far from buddhism, so incorporating aspects of buddhism into Christianity could be a good thing! We've discussed this at length and Rob says he will wait until he is older to explore other religions more deeply.

I'm so impressed with how the lad is working things through for himself. he is taking on board all the suggestions made to him from the Boards as well as myself and other friends of mine he has talked to and is going to take his time to make any final decision. I have complete faith that whatever he decides, it will be the right choice for him and he will deserve all the support I can give him.

For now though, the most important thing is that he turns teenager tomorrow! Friends invited to tea, chocolate cake, presents and no homework on a birthday. Then when school breaks for mid-term we're all off with a gang of his mates to the leisure complex for bowing and laser fighting! Weighty decisions can be postponed for a while.....

Asiaprod · 12-02-2006 01:47PM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

As far as being a Buddhist is concerned - We've discussed this at length and Rob says he will wait until he is older to explore other religions more deeply.

Smart kid. wish him a big happy birthday from me. Wish I was 13 again. Have a great day Rob:cool:

UU · 12-02-2006 10:47PM

Hello!

Well I made my Confirmation in 1999 (it seems like only yesterday

!) At that time I didn't understand what it was all about. I thought it was like a graduation from school in which I wear smart clothes, get money and sing in a church. They made me kiss the Bishop's ring though and that was very degrading on all accounts!

I left Catholicism during adolescence (my family didn't really care about going to Church or anything!) and I started exploring various faiths like Buddhism and I joined a Presbyterian Church for a while but now I'm Unitarian and I'm glad I found my spiritual home and I hope your son does too. Something like Confirmation is a large burden to put on a young teen especially when he has to sit in class and listen to stuff he doesn't agree with.

When he's a teenager he may, like many teenagers, reject religion but by the time he's 18, like me, he'll be more mature and may have decided what he truly believes and what is right for him which is important.

Just stick by him and let him make his own mind up. It can be hard to swim against the tide but the decision is his and knowing the way teenagers can be - something that is trendy one minute, isn't trendy the next. People's beliefs can change and just respect that his may too. :rolleyes:

Good Luck to yourself and your son!

BrianCalgary · 13-02-2006 03:10PM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

Smidgy - Rob definitely believes in God and Jesus, just has problems with some of the Catholic teachings (as I do myself). I came very close to leaving the Catholic church a few years ago and joining the Church of Ireland, but decided in the end that the most important thing for me is being a Christian, and even though the Church and I do not accept each other completely, I choose to worship in the Catholic church.

Rob's attitude to being Confirmed is purely a conscience issue - can he make the promises in good faith? He is going to talk to his godfather this week and see what he suggests.

As far as being a Buddhist is concerned - the pure teachings of Jesus are not far from buddhism, so incorporating aspects of buddhism into Christianity could be a good thing! We've discussed this at length and Rob says he will wait until he is older to explore other religions more deeply.

I'm so impressed with how the lad is working things through for himself. he is taking on board all the suggestions made to him from the Boards as well as myself and other friends of mine he has talked to and is going to take his time to make any final decision. I have complete faith that whatever he decides, it will be the right choice for him and he will deserve all the support I can give him.

For now though, the most important thing is that he turns teenager tomorrow! Friends invited to tea, chocolate cake, presents and no homework on a birthday. Then when school breaks for mid-term we're all off with a gang of his mates to the leisure complex for bowing and laser fighting! Weighty decisions can be postponed for a while.....

Hi Barbara

Thanks for the update. Happy Birthday Rob. My son just turned 13, Nothing like a great game of laser tag to get the adrenalin pumping.

hairyheretic · 13-02-2006 03:14PM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

Smidgy - Rob definitely believes in God and Jesus, just has problems with some of the Catholic teachings (as I do myself). I came very close to leaving the Catholic church a few years ago and joining the Church of Ireland, but decided in the end that the most important thing for me is being a Christian, and even though the Church and I do not accept each other completely, I choose to worship in the Catholic church.

If I might enquire, if you do not agree with the catholic teachings, have you not considered the possibility of investigating other branches of christianity to see if there might be one(s) that does fit better with your own views?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 13-02-2006 05:33PM

Ba_barbaraAnne wrote:

my 8 year old recently asked if he could start making the coffee as he is now first up in the mornings at weekends etc. he can boil water in the microwave

he also reckons i should set up a coffee machine so he could make my morning fix easily!

Ah, yes, but ask for a cup of tea and he forgets to take the teabag out... (Happy Birthday Rob!)

Ba_barbaraAnne · 14-02-2006 12:07AM

hairyheretic wrote:

If I might enquire, if you do not agree with the catholic teachings, have you not considered the possibility of investigating other branches of christianity to see if there might be one(s) that does fit better with your own views?

As i mentioned before, I did look into moving to a different Christian church, but decided that all in all, the dogma that I don't accept (which was all added to catholicism centuries after the gospels were written) only make up a small part of what the Church teaches, and other religions have less to offer. The church I choose to worship in is only a matter of where I feel I can express my faith most comfortably. I've been to Protestant churches, had bible study with Witnesses, and attended ecumenial Christian services, but decided to stay within the Catholic church.

When I get the chance to go to a Celtic Christian gathering... then I may change my mind though!

IkkyPoo2 wrote:

Ah, yes, but ask for a cup of tea and he forgets to take the teabag out... (Happy Birthday Rob!)

Make your own tea in future Ikky Poo! See you (with present for Rob) in a couple of days.

Confirmation confusion

Comments