Tried to have sex for the first time tonight....couldn't maintain an erection

LegacyUser · 05-05-2006 11:49PM #1

It's just like my biggest fear ever has come true tonight. I tried to have sex with my girlfriend, and up until I asked her if she wanted to have sex everything was fine. When I went to get a condom and came back it just went horribly downhill. I don't want to get into the details but it was absolutely terrible.I've never ever had a problem with erections before, jesus even when I'm meeting her my little soldier stands to attention. She was completely understanding and even said a few of her girlfriends have confided in her that it's happened with them before.

I'm 18 for god's sake, this shouldn't be happening me. It must be a psychological thing. I mean, I've been building this up for the last 8 years or so. Also, I noticed that if I was dry humping her or whatever and I thought for the tiniest split second that I was losing my erection, I freaked out about it and couldn't stop thinking about it and it invariably went down.

That happened a few weeks ago, and then tonight I was ****ting it that it would happen again. I was focusing on it and thinking about it so much. Then when it came to it, as I said my worst fears were realised.

I just can't believe it happened and feel like such **** now...it must just be me thinking about it too much right?

I can see a vicious circle developing here too...the next time we try this experience is obviously gonna be running through my mind.

Victor · 06-05-2006 12:08AM

It happens.

Scared1 wrote:

I'm 18 for god's sake, this shouldn't be happening me.

Why? Just becaue you are all youthful doesn't mean you will have a erection for the entire duration of the time you are with your girlfriend.

Also, I noticed that if I was dry humping her or whatever and I thought for the tiniest split second that I was losing my erection, I freaked out about it

Its OK, your body can only keep an erection for so long, especially if it is only being partially stimulated.

PS the dry-humping, I have to say is really classy.

Chucky the tree · 06-05-2006 12:15AM

what is dry-humping? I live such a sheltered life.

To OP: YOur just gonna have to relax next time, probaly wont be easy as you will be even more nervous. Maybe dont plan it next time. Did you plan to lose it tonight, like set it up? Maybe a spur of the moment shag is needed, at least then you wont be spending the whole day thinking about it a getting nervous.

AngryAnderson · 06-05-2006 12:31AM

Don't worry about it. Happened to me a bit when I was in my late teens/early 20's. Have been solid as a rock since the age of 22 though. You'll "grow" out of it when you get more experience. Excuse the pun

Victor · 06-05-2006 12:37AM

Chucky the tree wrote:

what is dry-humping?

Sexual stimulation through the clother, usually by rubbing ones genitals against a hip / leg / telephone pole.....

Common among unneutered dogs.

Karoma · 06-05-2006 12:48AM

Ouch. Hard luck, OP.
If you put yourself under too much stress it'll be a let down.
Be a bit more prepared the next time (re: condom) and things should be looking up for you.

Slutmonkey57b · 06-05-2006 12:56AM

It's all in your head. You'll just have to find a way to let go of the pressure and forget about it.

Ruu_Old · 06-05-2006 01:12AM

Relax, there is nothing wrong with you. Like previous posters have said try to be more calm, also let your girl put the condom on you next time and keep you going

LegacyUser · 06-05-2006 10:22AM

Victor wrote:

Sexual stimulation through the clother, usually by rubbing ones genitals against a hip / leg / telephone pole.....

Common among unneutered dogs.

Or clothed sex simulation with your girlfriend...I don't know about you but I'm not really into the whole dog thing.

I wasn't really nervous at all, and it wasn't really that planned either. I knew my parents were going out since Wednesday or Thursday, and I suppose that I'd been thinking about it since then. I remember at one stage before it thinking 'what it' if I wouldn't be able to get it up, and I got such a wave of panic/fear that it would happen.

CoolGuy2006 · 06-05-2006 10:23AM

Dont worry about it mate. I think this is very common, let it happen in your own time and then it will kinda fix itself. I had this problem aswell. As soon as you realise it isnt a probalem, then IT ISNT :-)

Once i got my head around the whole thing it hasnt happend since. Its a total mind F*ck thats all. Stupid man brain :-) Really helps to have a sound girl who doesnt say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Just let her knwo that your dick isnt broken and that you get a bit stressed and it affects it. Its very common so maybe she konws this kinda thing happens, although if she is as young as you she might not be that experienced either.

Dont worry about it, as you already know, that creats a vicious circle. Dont go to bed with the intention of having sex, just go there to fool around, you will know when the time is right

I found in this situation the condom was a total nightmare. Finding the packet, taking one out, opening it, putting it on. By the time i tried putting it on it was too late. As someone has already said, have one out and ready. Condoms are a must im afraid though, this all comes second nature after a while though

Dont let anyone fool you, sex is akward for most people at the begining, especially with condoms. Its something that practice makes perfect.

LegacyUser · 06-05-2006 11:17AM

happened to me the first time. just nervousness really. not a big deal.

trust me the problem goes away

LegacyUser · 06-05-2006 02:32PM

to reassure you from a female perspective, this happened to me with the guy i was with, we were both virgins at the time, the mood was right, everythin was goin well and then when he went for the condom he just lost his erection. did i think any less of him? not one bit. these things happen, and there's a lot of pressure on men to be able to just "perform" spontaneously as such. i didn't think any less of him or his "abilities". we talked about it afterwards and he just said pretty much the same as you, that thinking about it made him nervous and stressed him out a bit. just relax and lose yourself in the foreplay, don't think ahead to sex, think of the present and enjoy your girlfriends body, enjoy kissing her, feeling her next to you and being with her. lose yourself in the present, not the future. and remember, practice makes perfect

LegacyUser · 06-05-2006 05:27PM

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this all day. I'm seeing her again tonight but I'm not looking forward to it as I feel feckin ashamed to be honest. You know those mornings that you have, usually after a drunken night, that you wake up and go "ohhh no...what happened last night..", yeh I had one of them today. At this rate whenever we try again (possibly tonight) it will be the same scenario. Can't believe this is happening.

McGinty · 06-05-2006 09:12PM

Most girls are understandable with this, first/second time sex is very nerve wrecking, personally I have had a couple of felllas get very nervous and I completley understand as I believe most women will,

LegacyUser · 07-05-2006 08:08PM

Stop thinking about it. Seriously.. as many have said it happens to a lot of guys for the first time. Including myself

. It's just because it seems like such a big deal and all. Personally i managed to about half get it an album and a half later (totally ruined the intended song!) but there was a long time of me kinda sitting on the ground blushing with her on the bed being all like "yeah... nervousness kills passion".

It's never been a problem since and it'll certainly be the same for you. It's just because you're scared about the first time. It's already happened, she's already showed she's understanding and doesn't mind so just give it a shot (crudely speaking) next time you get a chance and don't worry about it too much! It's not a failing or a huge problem. Keep us posted on when you get it up and then have trouble getting it in properly and then can't get the movements right. Those things are equally frustrating... >_<

Motley Crue · 07-05-2006 08:13PM

you feared about not being able to maintain an erection and it happened, it happens to everyone who doesnt want something bad to happen, but believe me in time it will stop and you'll have a good time. it happened me my first time, i jus had to work with it

LegacyUser · 08-05-2006 06:18PM

also, get on the net and google for some instructional videos etc (i actually don't mean porn). it really helps when you know which buttons to push.

for example, a few inches inside on the front wall you'll find a fleshy mound. that's what we in the business call a g spot. apply pressure and results will come so to speak

and on the outside near the front you'll find an object about the size of a pea. it can be hard to find. that's the clitoris. be gentle with it because its very sensitive. don't touch it directly

sorry if you know this stuff already. thought i'd be helpful

Dagon · 08-05-2006 07:13PM

"At this rate whenever we try again (possibly tonight) it will be the same scenario. Can't believe this is happening."

Know exactly how you feel... feels terrible too! I had this exact same problem when I was your age, during a few of my first times having sex (yes, it happened a few times!). Basically, it happens whenever you build up to it too much. It happens if you put pressure on yourself to be Mr.Superstud, and really really want to please her... basically, you aren't relaxed and you are focusing more on the goal than enjoying sex. You are not relaxed, and sex can only happen when you're totally at ease with yourself and your partner.. stress or worry KILLS passion instantly.

So don't expect to "have great sex" tonight, because you probably aren't ready for it. Just tell your gf you want to chill out and maybe just enjoy each others bodies, touching, kissing,etc... and if it happens naturally, it happens.. if not, then that's cool too, because you both love being together no matter what happens. Don't "try" to make it happen just so you can impress her. Remember you're young, so there is plenty of time to learn. And all your mates who are constantly boasting to you of their great sex lives - believe me, many of them have had the same prob initially.

secret_squirrel · 08-05-2006 07:22PM

Dude it happens to us all sooner or later.

First thing. Decide not to have sex tonight. You're far too uptight. If you try tonight and fail you will make things worse.

Just mess around - lots of foreplay. Get naked together roll around lots of teasing but dont have sex. Learn to be comfortable with your body and hers.
Explore each other and learn all your likes and dislikes, that will take a good few evenings if you do it properly.

Lots of teasing and sexual frustration will do wonders.

Hey try giving her oral sex. It will stand you in good stead later on.

A few times like this and hey presto you will be nice and solid again. Just have a condom next to the bed.

LegacyUser · 08-05-2006 07:31PM

Is your girlfriend good looking? I have the opposite problem when I'm with superhot girls, I get way too excited too easily. When I'm with them in the club, even if I'm totally drunk I still get a full-on erection. But I can understand how this could happen if she's not the hottest.

darkflower · 09-05-2006 07:39AM

Dont plan anything, you just have to relax and i agree lots of foreplay, and in no time you will just know your in without even knowing how you did it...;)

LegacyUser · 09-05-2006 06:07PM

sound_advice wrote:

Is your girlfriend good looking? I have the opposite problem when I'm with superhot girls, I get way too excited too easily. When I'm with them in the club, even if I'm totally drunk I still get a full-on erection. But I can understand how this could happen if she's not the hottest.

She's absolutely amazing....that's not just coming from me, she's had 2 people like her so much it became obsessive & stalkerish.

I'm the same, even since that night I've still been standing to attention when just meeting her, and in clubs I always get an erection when I dance with her. That's how I know it's just some psychological thing.

moohhhawww wrote:

for example, a few inches inside on the front wall you'll find a fleshy mound. that's what we in the business call a g spot. apply pressure and results will come so to speak

and on the outside near the front you'll find an object about the size of a pea. it can be hard to find. that's the clitoris. be gentle with it because its very sensitive. don't touch it directly

Ah now...just because I was having problems doesn't mean I don't know that stuff!

My parents are going away on Saturday night. It's like the gods are doing everything they can to make me have sex. Here's me building it up and thinking about it again...

secret_squirrel · 09-05-2006 07:45PM

sound_advice wrote:

But I can understand how this could happen if she's not the hottest.

The relative hotness of the girl has absolutey nothing to do with it in most cases. The interaction between a man's mind and his second head is far more complex than 'hot = hard'.

Its more about expectations, nervousness and wanting to please, and the relative strangeness of having sex with someone new.

Its mostly a mental thing unless there is some history of STI's or similar that may have caused or be causing physical problems.

LegacyUser · 09-05-2006 10:42PM

secret_squirrel wrote:

The relative hotness of the girl has absolutey nothing to do with it in most cases. The interaction between a man's mind and his second head is far more complex than 'hot = hard'.

It is with me. I guess I'm just a primal man. LOL!

Moojuice · 10-05-2006 10:09AM

same thing happened me all those years ago when I first had sex. Putting the condom on killed my erection. Still I got over it by not planning it days before hand. If you do it puts too much preasure on you. I just kept a condom or two (I have an awful hbit of putting them on the wrong way around so I carry two

) in my wallet so that when the moment spontaneously arrives I am prepared.
Practice putting a condom on on your own so that it doesnt become a problem.

Moo

Asiaprod · 10-05-2006 11:44AM

secret_squirrel wrote:

Dude it happens to us all sooner or later.

I very much doubt that there is even one guy on the Boards here who was successful the very first time around.
However if you keep on worrying you will make it more difficult for yourself. Its natural for this to happen. It will go away the first time you get it right. Then its on to the fun part of "practice makes perfect".
Relax and good luck:)

LegacyUser · 12-05-2006 10:49PM

Might not be a bad option to have a couple of beers to relax you, get your mind off things........

Or you could start worryin about premature ejaculation, should solve the erection issue!!

I was joking about the latter, but like everyone has said ..... frst time generally means some sort of problems. Good luck with it mate and let us know how you get on.

joebhoy1916 · 13-05-2006 08:03PM

sound_advice wrote:

Is your girlfriend good looking? I have the opposite problem when I'm with superhot girls, I get way too excited too easily. When I'm with them in the club, even if I'm totally drunk I still get a full-on erection. But I can understand how this could happen if she's not the hottest.

He already said she was good looking everytime he meets her
he gets on a horn.

Your dick has no bones im sure you know its blood that makes
it work and grow sometimes putting on a condom can stop the
blood so it doesnt stay up semi hard as some say.

If your girlfriend isnt shy try doggie!
Hit her a good slap on the arse you
will get the ride of your life!

Skyuser · 14-05-2006 12:41AM

Get her to blow you off n see if that helps relax the situation.

LegacyUser · 14-05-2006 02:46AM

WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! Attempt #2 tonight and I'm ridiculously happy to say I was successful this time! I'm riding on such a high the moment....I've both just lost my virginity, and I overcame the potentially biggest mind **** ever! I think I'm nearly more happy that I overcame the disastrous events of last week....I'm just so happy it worked out!

The thing is, I didn't even plan on having sex. Earlier on I came through oral, and I was like "there's no way I'm having sex now...I'm spent", but an hour or so later we decided to go for it again, and I just knew that it wouldn't happen. I don't know, because even though I was thinking about it, it was never really a potential problem. Maybe the fact I didn't have a Tom Hank for the last week helped things (although that would surely be cancelled out by me coming an hour earlier), but whatever the hell it was, it worked!

Now, it was my first time so obviously it wasn't spectacular...I think I lasted about 3/4 minutes but I honestly couldn't care less. I'm lucky we can laugh at the awkward stuff, because there were some definite problems with getting it going....I won't say more than that. But all of that doesn't matter diddly squat - I overcame last week, somehow, and nothing else matters!

Cheers everyone too, you definitely made me feel better about it knowing it's apparently a fairly common thing to happen. Maybe that put my mind at ease a bit which helped me tonight.

Woo!

Nickibaby* · 14-05-2006 10:59AM

Good for you

Skyuser · 14-05-2006 03:02PM

Well done m8

Sam Vimes · 14-05-2006 07:16PM

congrats

SpAcEd OuT · 14-05-2006 07:38PM

lol good for you

chamlis · 15-05-2006 12:14PM

Yay!

CoolGuy2006 · 15-05-2006 12:31PM

im so proud

Tried to have sex for the first time tonight....couldn't maintain an erection

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