Coping with emotional effects of having serious illness with high mortality rate.

CathyMoran · 08-10-2006 03:10PM #1

Hi,

I was only diagnosed with oesophageal cancer on Monday, am only 32 but the whole emotional effects that it is having on me, my family and friends is huge. I have a very high chance of dying (survival rate of 10% was quoted on the following web site): http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3445199.stm

If anyone else is going through something similar or who has seen a loved one go through this I would be greatful. If anyone has any coping techniques that would be great.

Please note - I am strictly asking about the emotional effects of my condition, not about anything else, I have an excellent medical team who are looking after me and trust them for that, but the emotional component of being told that you have a high chance of dying is a totally diiferent issue and it is that which I am asking about now.

Sorry for posting this on PI, I have already told a few people who have been brilliant friends but they have not been through what I am going through.

turbot · 08-10-2006 08:21PM

As the saying goes, if there is a 1 in a thousand chance of you succeeding, be the one.

The best way to cope is to take every emotion and resolve it into pure, unbridled determination to physically win and heal yourself.

My suggestion is to stack every possible healing technique and process all together all at the same time. Do this exquisitely.

Use and combine everything that helps, because if 20 processes each give you a 10% benefit, suddenly you are 200% better.

In addition to your excellent medical team and their treatement, get and apply everything else that helps, including massage, acupuncture, hypnosis, energy healing, eat only superfoods, alkalize, visualise yourself getting better, purposefully put yourself in the most healing places you know, watch dvds of things that make you laugh back to back, spend time in the nicest parts of the country side you know, drink sacred healing waters. Go to the best alternative therapists you can find and have access to to compliment the medical treatment.

Get on the internet and find anyone who had this kind of cancer and recovered, and find out exactly what they did, and do that also.

Your reward for success is everything you cherish in life and the opportunity to enjoy more.

As for the emotional effects of those statistics, I'd say you're better off rejecting them entirely, because many studies have shown that positive mindsets and placebos often assist healing. May those statistics serve as a call to action, not a prescription of doom.

Realise those statistics are generalised, meaning that, your youth alone may adjust this study to 25% survival rate or higher. Secondly, if you are uber thorough in what you do to heal yourself, that will massively increase your chances of survival also.

Wishing you well,

T

Nevyn · 08-10-2006 08:27PM

http://www.cancer.ie

The irish cancer society has a full ranges of services and supports that you can use to help you through this.
I am sorry to hear about it but gett all the help you need to be strong so that you are one of the 10%.

Why go for counselling?

Coping with a diagnosis of cancer can be devastating. Patients and their families may have difficulty coming to terms with the illness and can experience feelings such as anxiety, fear, anger, sadness and depression. These feelings can occur
at any time during their cancer journey - possibly many months or years down the road. Many people feel they have a difficulty speaking to a close friend or relative. However, it is often very useful to speak to someone who is not personally involved. You may be able to express worries or concerns which you have to a counsellor that you do not wish others to know. Also, it can be difficult for people undergoing a stressful and emotional experience to talk to the people closest to them, as they may also be very upset. You may find it easier to talk to someone outside your immediate circle.

How can counselling help?

A counsellor will be able to provide emotional support by allowing you express your feelings and fears. The counsellor will not tell you what to do, but counselling may help you see things differently and help you find your way through a difficult patch.

Does going to counselling mean admitting failure?

Paradoxically it can be seen as a matter of strength to go for counselling. Many people think that they are being strong in not seeking help whereas in fact those that can admit to their difficulties could be considered the strong ones. Going to
counselling often means you have taken the first step on the road to resolving the problem.

Do I need to have serious difficulties before going to counselling?

NO! If you are finding it difficult to cope for whatever reason then going to counselling may be of benefit.

Does going to counselling mean "I'm losing it?"

NO! It means you are taking responsibility for your situation and trying to make things better.

Who is the counselling service for?

The service is available for all patients who have been treated at the Bon Secours Hospital, their family members and significant others (e.g. a close relative or friend). Most of the counselling will be on a one to one basis but sometimes it may be appropriate to invite your spouse/ partner/family member(s) or significant
other along to counselling.

How long will counselling last?

At the first session it will be decided between the counsellor and client how many sessions may be needed. The client will be offered up to a total of eight sessions in all. In some cases it may be possible to extend this. Each counselling session
will last for one hour.

How much does it cost?

The Irish Cancer Society will fund the costs of the counselling service and there will be no charge to the client.

How do I make an appointment?

The counselling service can be contacted on 027 63915, or the national cancer helpline on Freefone 1 800 200 700, 9.00am to 5.00pm, Monday to Friday. The Irish Cancer Society is the national charity for cancer care in Ireland. It is dedicated to eliminating cancer as a major health problem and to improving the lives of those living with cancer. Each year almost 20,000 people in Ireland develop cancer. The Irish Cancer Society’s focus is on the patient. What can we do to help improve the
situation facing people with cancer and their families? This question has guided the introduction and development of our services which are constantly evolving to meet patient needs.

Counselling is available in:

The Irish Cancer Society
43/45 Northumberland Road
Dublin 4

Gary Kelly Cancer Support Centre
Georges Street
Drogheda
Co. Louth

Mayo Cancer Support Association
Family Centre
Castlebar
Co. Mayo

HOPE Enniscorthy Cancer Support and Information Centre
6, Church Street
Enniscorthy
Co. Wexford

Cork ARC Cancer Support House
“ Cliffdale”
5, O’Donovan Rossa Road
Cork

Please contact through the Irish Cancer freefone helpline on
1 800 200 700.

They have support groups which often can but you in contact with surivors and they have have surport groups for family and caregivers as well.

CathyMoran · 08-10-2006 08:51PM

Can all the guys here keep an eye on smccarrick my sexy fiancee during this time - I worry about him.

I have a lot to live for (am finally getting married

in the middle of my chemo), but I think that I am coping too well with it so far and want all my energy to go into beating this cancer not staying above water if that makes any sense. It is also incredibly distressing to see the effects that it is having on all my loved ones, I hate causing them pain, normally I would be there for them but it is not as easy to be at the moment. I am going to survive this but it is not going to be easy.

Thanks.

The Sweeper · 08-10-2006 09:33PM

Just to reiterate a point from Thaed's post - there are counselling services specifically designed for the family and friends of cancer sufferers. Direct your nearest and dearest to them, sooner rather than later. You need those around you to be strong for you, and you need to not be worrying about how you're making them feel. Counselling for someone who is ill but feels determined, and counselling for someone who is healthy and feels utterly helpless, are two very different processes.

Oh - and apart from boards.ie, STOP READING THE INTERNET. It's worth mentioning that the mortality rate for oesophageal cancer is often linked to the fact that it's difficult to diagnose, and in some patients it's only caught when it has spread to other major organs - in other words, you can manipulate statistics to read any way you want, and information on a website bears no regard to the impact it can have on the emotional well being, determination and hope of its reader. Get your information from people in the know, not the interwheb.

Lastly, your doctors are only human - and by this I mean remember they're the people who are monitoring the cancer, they're not deciding the outcome.

CathyMoran · 08-10-2006 10:04PM

I know that all the tests so far indicate that I am extremely lucky, I was told that I was lucky that they were giving me the chemo/radio and the surgery as that means that they are treating it to cure it, not as a palliative measure, but being honest, I am scared. I do not have the staging of my cancer yet. I am going into one of the places to have a cup of coffee after meeting Shane for lunch (well, he can have lunch but I will be seeing him) then am meeting one of my friends. I am sorry that I am ranting about it so much, it is just a huge thing to cope with.

LegacyUser · 08-10-2006 10:44PM

Your attitude towards this is extremely important. I've lost a lot of family members to cancer, and your attitude plays a massive part.

Believeing that you can beat it, even if things turn grim, can not be overstated, I'm not saying that you ignore the disease, or be flippant about the treatments, but self belief plays a huge part. Keep fighting and thinking that you will get better.

Best of luck with everything.

CathyMoran · 09-10-2006 06:51AM

My weight is still going down unfortunatly, am doing everything I can to keep my weight up. All these healthy foods that they suggest you eat are a bit too much at the moment, I had half a glass of carrot juice and that was enough for me, though I did have 4 foritisip yesterday.

My fiancee is finding trouble sleeping which is tough and all of my family are stressed - we had a serious illness in the family 2 years ago (my mum), so I know how it affects people, we were almost getting over it (well, mum is still ill but we were making the most of her) when this happened. To say that it is stressful...

I have to beat this cancer, I want to be alive for my fiancee, my family, my friends, I want to finish that Masters that I was doing, I want to have kids. I just know that the cancer that I have is very aggressive. It still feels strange that I have it, not real, my life has been turned upside down.

Am not going to be in work for months, this week I am feeling well but I need to build up my strength for the chemo next week and I have to get PET and endoscopic ultrasounds done, I still feel that I should be in though. I am worrying will my job be there when I get back, they have told me that it will be but even still it is a worry, I hope to be back by March, though it could be June being more realistic. I do not think that I should go in when I am having chemo (am having it 1 week on, 3 weeks off), my immune system will be weakened but it is tempting.

Marksie · 09-10-2006 07:09AM

I am so sorry to hear about this. My father has been battling strokes and cancer for years.

At christmas he had cancer and in january two strokes. He was given 48 hours, but is still here. So a fighting attitude is important.

As for those around you, once the shock has worn off they will rally around and support.

Fight this all the way.

My prayers are with you

The Sweeper · 09-10-2006 07:30AM

CathyMoran wrote:

Am not going to be in work for months, this week I am feeling well but I need to build up my strength for the chemo next week and I have to get PET and endoscopic ultrasounds done, I still feel that I should be in though. I am worrying will my job be there when I get back, they have told me that it will be but even still it is a worry, I hope to be back by March, though it could be June being more realistic. I do not think that I should go in when I am having chemo (am having it 1 week on, 3 weeks off), my immune system will be weakened but it is tempting.

If your job isn't there, there will always be another job.
No job is worth your health.
It's just a job.
You are entitled to sick pay, it's not a favour.
You are not irreplacable in your job.

You are irreplaceable in the lives of your family and friends. You need to stop worrying about your job right now.

Beruthiel · 09-10-2006 07:37AM

CathyMoran wrote:

I am worrying will my job be there when I get back, they have told me that it will be but even still it is a worry, I hope to be back by March, though it could be June being more realistic. I do not think that I should go in when I am having chemo (am having it 1 week on, 3 weeks off), my immune system will be weakened but it is tempting.

Mabs is right Cathy, there will always be another job. If your immune system is weak, you do not need to go into work and pick up a cold or flu, not to mention the fact that going to work every day will wear you down and slow down the healing process. You need to take care of you right now, everything else will be there afterwards. Find something to fill in your time, boards, books, learn a new language, dvds, filling the time will be the most difficult so think of stuff for that.
I wish you the best of luck, a positive attitude can only help.

king_of_inismac · 09-10-2006 08:36AM

Cathy,

I'm very sorry to hear about the cancer. But then again, having read your posts on boards for a while, if I thought anyone could get through this it would be you.

You seem to be a very stong and positive person, with a loving family around you. However, don't fall into the trap of feeling that you have to stay strong for your family. They are there to support YOU during this time.

Really hope it all works out,

All the best,
Martin

Miss Fluff · 09-10-2006 09:50AM

Hey Cathy, I'm really truly sorry to hear of your news. It must be so tough for you. As someone mentioned, you always come accross as a wonderful and strong person in your posts so you are not to lose sight of that now! I know the Irish Cancer Society run regular Support Groups where you can talk to other people in the same boat, they have helped a lot of people so perhaps may be worth giving them a shout http://www.irishcancer.ie/support/index.php
Don't forget also that everyone on PI is behind you all the way so any time you have low moments spill it out here girl. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, MF xx

Silver Rose · 09-10-2006 11:34PM

I'm finding it quite hard to find the words to reply to your post but I want to try and help. I won't say I know how you feel because I don't- everyone experiences things differently, besides cancer is such an individual experience. But I think I understand how you feel better than others because I'm in a similar position. In my case, it's leukaemia. I have had lots (and lots) of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant but still keep relapsing with it.

I'm just going to list some points randomly.
1) I would really, REALLY advise you to stop looking up survival rates etc on the internet. The information you find may not be true, it may be exaggerated. As we all know the internet can be a bit tabloid-ish. Also, every case is individual, it's nearly impossible to fit yourself into a category, find a case that's just like yours. Also, looking up stuff like that is incredibly, incredibly depressing. I respect that you may want to know but personally I think it's a lot better to stay in ignorance. I know it's a little late, that you've already looked up some things. But stop now.
2) If you're looking for support try www.plantetcancer. org The forums are here
3) See a social worker. You're entitled to a disability pass (handy for trains if you need to see a consultant in a different part of the country) and also disability benefit (you mentioned having to stop working) Also other things I can't think of now.
4) When you're having chemotherapy, be very aware of your bowel motions and the likelihood of getting constipated. (sorry if that's embarassing) It can easily be sorted if you stop it getting too far, but can lead to such massive problems if left untreated.
5) A wig is a good idea as it helps you feel normal on the occasions you're feeling well enough to go out. They're very expensive, but usually there are funds that cover the cost. Headscarves are very handy (www.headcovers.com www.headscarves.com) for when it's too difficult to wear a wig as wigs can be quite irritating.
6) Look into your fertility options. It's better to do this before you start chemotherapy.
7)If you're having trouble sleeping, get a sleeping tablet. Even temporarily they really help and it's true, you do feel a lot worse if you don't sleep.
8) Audio books are a good idea as you may (depending on treatment etc) be too tired/weak to read. If you have a laptop bluetooth enables you to go on the internet via your mobile for when you're in hospital.
9) Ativan is nice.

10) Be prepared to be pissed off. People can be so utterly utterly stupid and really, it's impossible for even the most empathetic and understanding of 'healthy' people to understand what's going on with you- not to mind the dense people that overwhelmingly populate the world.

Ok so, coping with the emotional effects? I wouldn't be worried about thinking you're coping too well with it so far- in my opinion The Nile is not just a river, it's the best thing ever. I cope by trying my best to ignore <it> when at all possible. Well, maybe not actually the disease, because that's kind of impossible but the consequences/risks etc. I realise that may not be considered "healthy" but you asked about coping strategies, and in my opinion it is the best. Talking is not necessarily that great, it can sometimes just bring it all home to you. Besides which, people just don't understand. But don't take my word as gospel, obviously different things work for different people. Maybe repressing isn't a great idea, depends on what type of person you are.

Some sort of relaxation technique/ de stressing is essential. Personally, I go the drug route (prescription that is) or occasionally drink, but that's generally not a good idea when you're feeling crap anyway. Maybe meditation/yoga, that kind of thing would be a good idea.

Oh, another pointer- when you're on chemo, take care of your skin. Wear a good sunblock (I know it's going to be winter, but still). It gets incredibly delicate.

Also there's a scheme- especially if you're based in Dublin- I can't think what it's called- Colour Me Beautiful maybe? It's a kind of talk/day out held in hospitals on and off which teaches you how to apply make-up etc best for when you're on chemotherapy/have lost your hair or whatever to make you look healthier. If you go there's free make-up and goodies supplied by various cosmetic companies. Ask a nurse for details if you're interested. I never went but I heard good things about it.

Regarding taking blood, pain, that kind of thing... Whatever you do, don't try and be 'brave'. Ask for painkillers if you want them, even if the pain is sufferable because you shouldn't have to put up with any pain at all. If an intern doctor is fecking up taking blood, complain (loudly

), ask for someone more experienced. Believe me, suffering in silence is not good, far better to be pro-active.

Ok, that's enough for you to wade through for the meantime. If you have any questions etc please ask. Good luck.

CathyMoran · 10-10-2006 06:59AM

Hi there - I think that you have to have cancer to understand some of the things that come up in connection with it, have had friends with cancer and it is NOT the same thing. Thank you very much for posting.

Was told that the survival rates were accurate overall by my surgeon but that I was in a lucky group and had a bigger chance of survival. I just needed to know how ill I am, it is not like most most cancers, it has a REALLY high mortality rate. I know that I am lucky in that they think that I was caught early but it is hard not to be scared. Am looking at cancer support groups also but do not want to live in the world of cancer all the time as it is too depressing. Most of the time I am still me.

They will be getting me to meet the Social Worker next week. It should be interesting to see what I am entitled to. Made the mistake of handing in my certs into work, I do not look ill yet, so they wanted me back in work, the thing is, I am very ill.

Have actually shyed away from finding out what chemo will do to me to a certain extent, have another meeting with the chemo nurse tomorrow (doing a urine collection today) and will ask questions then. I know that it will be tough. Thanks for all the advice though.

I have already decided against getting a wig, will stick to head scarves, one of my friends was always at me to get a short hair cut in any case. Kylie made head scarves look great! Still, I know that it will be tough.

I got the fertility thing looked into - they are giving me a drug to protect my ovaries, they need to start the treatment urgently as my symptoms are getting rapidly worse. Work told me that if I wanted my eggs frozen I would have to go into work which was very upsetting. Have been told that my treatment should not affect them in any case.

Am sleeping fine now, but am a bit tired, it may be different when I start chemo.

Have laptop but will do without the internet for the week in 3 that I am in - will be texting in any case. I do have lots of TV series that people have given me though that will be useful!

What is Ativan?

Already understand the pissed off with people, eg my boss, I am ill, I just do not look it yet. Everyone is getting upset around me over my illness and for once I wish that they could offload else where (but also I don't as I know how tough it is to cope with someone with a serious illness and I want to help...it makes me stronger helping them)...mini-rant over.

I do not think about it all the time either, am resisting the temptation to turn myself into a total health nut, I am still me after all.

Thinking of getting massages, doing yoga and having the odd drink...do not really drink (0.15 units a week) but that glass of wine on Friday was wonderful, I deserve it! I am religious, so that will help too, the Jesuits are cool, so I may go on a day to Manressa. Would not like the drug route but that is just me.

The suncream thing is great to know - will start using suncream, I had lovely skin and would like for it to stay that way!

May see about the makeup thing - do not really wear it much but I think that I may need to be pampered a bit more. I was at one of the makeup counters last Friday (still talking about cancer too much, still find it hard to believe), but the girl said that she would give me a makeover whenever I wanted, I cried as I was so touched, she was lovely.

I still like to know about the pain from my cancer as it will be great to get rid of it but will take painkillers otherwise - I agree that there is no point in suffering. Had period pain in hospital last week and I took disolvable paracetamol for that but I would not take painkillers for my cancer...must be crazy!

Thanks again for your post - it really makes sense. Will send you a PM if that is OK. Hope that you get better soon.

One great thing that I am doing is getting people to stop smoking, I never did but I still have this cancer but it is a risk factor for my illness. There is a great campaign for my illness - Lollipop day, it helped me realise how serious my symptoms are, but if I can get even one more person diagnosed early then all this will not have been in vain.

LegacyUser · 10-10-2006 12:18PM

Cathy am anon for this although I've been banned countless numbers of times.
I am so sorry for you seriously. I understand to a degree the emotions you have felt as recently I have had a cancer scare myself, and I lost my will totally. Losing will is no help, you are one of the most challenged people of our society and that you have to be proud of. You are facing a monster(a real one) and you will live on in spirit I think. you must do one thing :
1) Create a testimonial, educate people of what you have and make at least 1 person aware of what you have. If our society learns from people like you, it will create a different social attitude and understanding which I'm sure can benifit society. Make an impact!!!
I hope this doesnt sound non sense but I've been at the cancer scare stage which luckily turned out to be a benign growth in my scrotum. Thing is, in Ireland there is very little known about testicular cancer, yet its the biggest cancer killer of 14-30 year olds!! Yes, a nightmare for the young, proud male, but did you know it could happen at 18 to you?? They never educated us in school as to how to cope with lifes problems. I feel as though we need to learn something about it, because I was thrown into a deep end when I was waiting for ultrasound, and I know how harsh and clinical surgeons and consultants can be, but they just make you feel more bonded with the people you like and love most!!

Thinking of you!

CathyMoran · 14-10-2006 05:48PM

I go into hospital again to start chemo on Monday - a bit scared as I have to wait for the PET scan results which will tell me how far it has spread. Also, got some anomilous kidney test results probably because I am dehydrated. Just a bit stressed today...not that bad considering the past 2 weeks.

Red Alert · 14-10-2006 08:11PM

Cathy, that's very sad to hear.

A good friend of mine was only 15 when she battled hodgkin's desease, and had to go through the chemo and all it entailed. I remember vividly the day she told me, and began going on about survival rates. Being a testosterone-loaded male teenager, I probably didn't grasp the significance of what she was saying. She was a major help on two personally bad times for me, both before and after her illness.

You're always very helpful poster on PI, both in terms of insight and most importantly kind words when they are needed. I really hope this goes well for you.

kaizersoze · 14-10-2006 09:15PM

Hi Cathy,
I am really genuinely sorry to hear this.

I read your post about your tests a few weeks back and was hoping the outcome would be different.
I'm not familiar with many types of cancer, thank God, but I am familiar with this. My mother was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer about 4 years ago. I can't say I know how you feel but I know what you are going to go through medically and what your family and friends are going through emotionally.

I will post more here if you wish but if you want to take it to PM, feel free. My inbox holds 4000 and there's only 91 in it.:D

Take care.

CathyMoran · 14-10-2006 09:18PM

kaizersoze wrote:

Hi Cathy,
I am really genuinely sorry to hear this.

I read your post about your tests a few weeks back and was hoping the outcome would be different.
I'm not familiar with many types of cancer, thank God, but I am familiar with this. My mother was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer about 4 years ago. I can't say I know how you feel but I know what you are going to go through medically and what your family and friends are going through emotionally.

I will post more here if you wish but if you want to take it to PM, feel free. My inbox holds 4000 and there's only 91 in it.:D

Take care.

Will send you a PM now - thanks a million, I just hope that this does not bring back painful memories.

theTinker · 15-10-2006 01:26PM

I NEVER pray, but i swear i'm gonna say one everday for you until your better and back to your ever posting self.
***big hug***
I am soooo impressed by how strongly you are handling this.

MrsA · 16-10-2006 03:20AM

Cathy, I am lurker on here more than a poster, but I want to wish you all the best and I hope you can be in the 10%.

LegacyUser · 16-10-2006 09:47AM

Going unreg for this one.

Just wanted to tell the OP that their posts are inspirational. Your courage and pure heart is astonishing and I will be thinking of you in the battle you face even though I dont know you.

I also have an ilness, and I also face an uncertain future, which has made making decisions about whether to have children, and whether or not I will be able to work in ten years time a normality for me, which is very difficult to explain to someone who isnt ill and would never have to think of these things. My ilness isnt as aggressive as yours though, and I have to say your bravery when faced with this is heartening and gives me great hope for my own future.
The emotional effect of being told that your own body is in effect either trying to destroy itself or you is incredibly difficult to articulate to someone who hasnt been through it so I understand why you are looking for guidance from those who have been in situations similar to your own.

Continue to be strong and brave, but cry if you need to, you are more than entitled to have days when you ask "why me?". You cant be strong 100% of the time.

Cancer is such a small word for such a big life changing issue. People who arent ill do not understand, so dont waste your valuable energy worrying about such things as work. Think of yourself, your needs, focus your mind on healing, this will help you deal with the realities of blood tests, drips and canulas..

My thoughts are with you in your fight.

dubgirl · 16-10-2006 01:06PM

thinking of you today cathy - please god you get the news your looking for x

PullMyFinger! · 16-10-2006 01:43PM

Cathy gave me some great advice years ago when I was in bits over a reletionship and put up some details about it on PI. You come across as a very caring person Cathy and I know you'll find the strength inside you for this

CathyMoran · 28-10-2006 09:17PM

Thanks a million for all of your responses, I have really appreciated them. Sorry, have only started to feel myself again in the past 2 days.

Today I was able to eat a meal with my family for the first time in months without getting sick. I had soup, strawberries and a biscuit. This was amazing, am so delighted and it was wonderful to be able to have a normal meal. This evening I ate cottage cheese and did not get sick. Am going around with a big grin on my face it is amazing.

The PET scan showed that the cancer is localised, is as far as the local lymph at worst which is really great, I was so happy when I heard that I cried.

The chemo, well, it was tiring and there was one day where I was very sick but the way that I look at it, the cancer does not like being destroyed so I do not mind. The first few days of this week were tough, if you can imagine the movie "A scanner darkly", that is how the world literaly looked to me for the first few days and I could had to have a huge rest after having a bath until Wednesday and was asleep most of the time but it is OK.

I got the wig sorted, or rather I will, my hair is due to start falling out in the next day or 2 so I am getting the wig done on Tuesday, there is no point in delaying it. Was bizarre getting it sorted but not upsetting, will have to get the wig washed and styled in the hairdressers every 2 weeks which is funny and will be a laugh. Went for something close to my own style though.

It sounds strange but my life is actually quite good at the moment, I have had one or 2 days where I got upset but those times are rare, it is more upsetting to see the effects on the people that I love as some of them are taking it badly but I am in good form and enjoying the things in life that we take for granted, like a biscuit.

Thanks again to everyone.

kaizersoze · 28-10-2006 10:44PM

Hey Cathy, glad to hear your ok and getting throught it. Mmmm biscuits.:D
PM on the way.

Miss Fluff · 28-10-2006 11:54PM

So happy re your PET result. Stay strong. Glad you had some strawberries, try to wash down with a glass or two of bubby when feeling a bit stronger yeah?;)

CathyMoran · 28-10-2006 11:58PM

Miss Fluff wrote:

So happy re your PET result. Stay strong. Glad you had some strawberries, try to wash down with a glass or two of bubby when feeling a bit stronger yeah?;)

Yes, I was delighted. If the cancer had spread I would have had an even tougher fight, this means that they are treating me to cure me which is brilliant. I did have a half pint of Guiness with the strawberries today and I bought a six pack, no harm

Another cool thing would be to gain weight (I am down at 7 stone at the moment)

ClockWorkOrange · 29-10-2006 02:09PM

CathyMoran wrote:

Another cool thing would be to gain weight (I am down at 7 stone at the moment)

Regarding the weight gain, one option is marijuana... Now I don't subscribe to the whole "marijuana wonder drug" idea but i believe it would definetly ease any pain and increase your appetite.. Both of which would probably allow you to gain weight..

If you could find someone who grows their own and ask them if can you try out a couple of grams..theres plenty of people out there doing it.. I wouldn't buy it off the streets (you wont find good quality anyway) and keep away from hash unless its from someone who made it themselves or it comes directly from a reputable dutch coffeeshop (Otherwise its probably soap bar which is full of contaminants such as oil, glue, rubber and horse tranquilizer).

Smoking marijuana probably isnt a good idea so its probably better to eat it, which actually gives a longer lasting and more intense high, you will need to cook it first.. you can find tons of recipes online about this..

Of course the legal alternative is Sativex by GH pharmaceuticals, but im not sure that this is licenced in Ireland yet. This is basically thc that you spray under you tongue.. (it also has other additives).. ask your doc about it or have a look online, maybe they have a pilot running that you can get in on..

Anyway if you are completely anti "illegal" drugs please dont take offense to my suggestion, its just an option thats out there... the mods will probably remove this but hopefully not before u see it.. I'm actually banned from this particular forum but re registered to post this up

I thought it mite help..

Hope things work out, it must be tough.. If you decide to try marijuana ask your doctor about it first in case there would be any complications... If he/she is any way progressive they will give you honest unbiased advice..

PS: As a matter of interest.. during your treatment did anyone mention marijuana as a possible ease to the symptoms of chemo and radio.. Did you smoke cigarettes before you were diagnosed or was it just out of the blue..? Do you live in a heavily polluted area?

CathyMoran · 29-10-2006 05:58PM

I do not smoke nor would I smoke, if I had smoked I would not be getting the operation. I am not using any alternative treatments apart from massage.

Marksie · 29-10-2006 07:53PM

CathyMoran wrote:

I do not smoke nor would I smoke, if I had smoked I would not be getting the operation. I am not using any alternative treatments apart from massage.

Good luck cathy, It does sound a little more encouraging. I will be sending positive thoughts your way.

CathyMoran · 02-12-2006 10:20PM

An update more than anything - am hopefully going for my final chemo in a week, I just have to get some very important tests to confirm that at the same time and then it is all set for the oesophagus removal in February and hopefully bye, bye cancer. I am able to eat normally now which is very positive. I am looking forward to my wedding in just under 4 weeks time.

I am worried about my fiancee smccarrick and would be greatful if people could keep an eye on him, it is very tough on him and I feel guilty that I can not give him the full support that he needs.

I did get assessed to see if I needed councelling but they said that I was fine - I am going to yoga though.

Looking forward to Christmas

Oh, and thanks for all of your support so far.

Red Alert · 03-12-2006 05:31PM

It's to great to hear you're starting on the way to mend.

Hope you keep well and you and SMcCarrick have a nice christmas. You deserve it.

TerrorFirmer · 03-12-2006 08:27PM

Good to hear things are looking positive for you Cathy - hope it makes christmas all the better for you. Good luck.

FranknFurter · 03-12-2006 09:14PM

Glad to hear that things are looking up for you Cathy, keep hangin in there girl!

B

murrayeel · 04-12-2006 06:50AM

hey Cathy! just don't brood on that survival rate thing. the more you think of it the more you'll get scared. a friend of mine who withstood breastcancer did the same stuff we used to enjoy. i guess her knowing we, her friends are always beside her made her forget about the sickness that amazed us of her full recovery. she has done it pretty well, and i know you could do it too.

LadyJ · 04-12-2006 04:46PM

Hi Cathy,

I've only read this thread now, as I've not been on boards in a good while. I'm so glad to hear that things are looking up for you. You have a lot to live for so keep fighting.

I've been in hospital a lot myself recently,getting various tests done and worrying that there might be something seriously wrong with me. So far things are looking good but I know how stressful and frightning it is to have to worry about health. It's something that I always took for granted but not anymore!

I really hope that you will get through this and I know if you do then you will have a whole new appreciation for life. I can't imagine how horrible the last couple of months have been for you but stay positive and enjoy Christmas and you wedding day!

LegacyUser · 04-12-2006 05:16PM

'cathy hope you and SMcCarrick have a great wedding day and hope ye have a great future together. and also have a great chrimbo dinner!'

CathyMoran · 04-12-2006 07:35PM

LadyJ wrote:

I've been in hospital a lot myself recently,getting various tests done and worrying that there might be something seriously wrong with me. So far things are looking good but I know how stressful and frightning it is to have to worry about health. It's something that I always took for granted but not anymore!

LadyJ - I hope that they find out what is wrong with you soon and that it is not serious. I suppose for me that I was lucky in that from consultant to diagnosis was less than 2 weeks though I had bad symptoms from August and mild symptoms from March. I really hope that it all works out well for you.

Am really looking forward to my wedding - doing the last bit of planning this week as next week is chemo week and the week after is recovery but I can not wait to be Shanes wife

Gazza22 · 04-12-2006 08:44PM

Hi Cathy,

I only came across this thread tonight, haven't been on boards much the past few weeks.

Have seen you around boards the past 2 years but we never really crossed! Just want to say that i hope you are better soon. I have read your posts and your path to recovery looks great! Looking forward to the day you post about the treatment being sucessful!!!

Have a great wedding, a brilliant christmas and fair played to you for being so strong!

aidan24326 · 04-12-2006 10:54PM

Best of luck with it all. Your positive attitude is half the battle.

iguana · 05-12-2006 02:36AM

CathyMoran wrote:

Looking forward to Christmas

Oh, and thanks for all of your support so far.

Hey Cathy not to trouble you or anything but I think from a lurker on this thread, I'd really like you to keep posting and touch base on this thread if it's not too much trouble. If my subscription doesn't ping every few weeks, I start to fret.

Dina Rabinovitch, is a children's book reviewer for the Guardian, she's battle breast cancer. Her children's books reviews are pettering out, but she's writing the occasional column

It's so easy. One week Matt hooks me up to the drip while I finish writing a piece about Barbara Clark, the nurse who threatened the government with the European court of human rights unless she could have Herceptin on the NHS. "Hold on one sec," Clark says when I phone her, "I've got Patricia Hewitt on the other line."

"It's because it's breast cancer," Matt says, when I wonder out loud why the government responded so quickly to the Herceptin campaign. "Breast cancer's the one that gets the attention - not like bowel cancer: you know, English people don't like to talk about bowels."

"It's the way the government works these days," adds Anthony, multi-tasking as a pundit, while he builds Spiderman Lego on the floor to keep our son Elon from coming to sit on my lap while I try to type with Matt's interesting tubing now growing out of my wrist. "These days it's all responding to single issues, without any overall strategy. There's an election looming and they'll say, 'See, look how quickly we acted on Herceptin.'"

http://www.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,,1678340,00.html

Her book of columns on the subject is coming out early next year "Hang up your party dress", with proceeds towards cancer charity. Her mixture of determination, fear, courage, and desperation has reasonated deeply with me, as has your story.

Good luck, good karma and god bless.

empirix · 05-12-2006 04:50PM

Hi Cathy,

Don't know you but am familiar with your name and posting etc, you seem like really great person and i personally take strength from this. I wish you all the best with your battle and will pray for you. Be strong.

Strength and honour x.

CathyMoran · 06-12-2006 10:39AM

iguana wrote:

Hey Cathy not to trouble you or anything but I think from a lurker on this thread, I'd really like you to keep posting and touch base on this thread if it's not too much trouble. If my subscription doesn't ping every few weeks, I start to fret.

Thanks to all for the good wishes - will see if I can get Shane to post next week as I am having very important tests done. Having great fun with the wedding, we booked a place to stay for our first 2 nights too

CathyMoran · 15-12-2006 11:52PM

Am home a day early from chemo - I got really good results from my CAT scan, the tumor has shrunk and has not spread, still can not believe it, it is great news.

The fact that I managed to get out a day early was great, I just did not eat for 3 days really apart from Fortisip (a nutritional drink) during the bad days and that really helped with the nausea, though I would not reccomend it for everyone.

I am allowed to, and even encouraged to go on holidays in January before the surgery which is even more good new.

Thanks for everyones support.

DaBreno · 15-12-2006 11:56PM

Wow, thats Fantastic! Great stuff.

Drift · 16-12-2006 12:42AM

Great news Cathy. Glad to hear it.

Stargal · 16-12-2006 02:16AM

That's great to hear - sounds like you're well on the road to recovery

Lorax · 16-12-2006 02:29AM

Hi Cathy, great to see you are getting better. I remember reading your post when you first found out about it. Keep it up!

Beruthiel · 16-12-2006 07:26AM

CathyMoran wrote:

Am home a day early from chemo - I got really good results from my CAT scan, the tumor has shrunk and has not spread, still can not believe it, it is great news.

Cathy
I am delighted to hear that everything is going so well, news like that must be just about the best Christmas prezzie ever!

Coping with emotional effects of having serious illness with high mortality rate.

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