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farts

The Bollox · 2007-08-08 22:52:56

are they funny to you? personally I find them hilarious. the sound is just classic, and it's not always the same. the little squeaky ones are the funniest IMO. so what do you think? funny or like little kids; you can barely stand your own

08-08-2007 10:52pm

#1

The Bollox

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are they funny to you? personally I find them hilarious. the sound is just classic, and it's not always the same. the little squeaky ones are the funniest IMO. so what do you think? funny or like little kids; you can barely stand your own

farts 147 votes

I'm a man, and they're hilarious

0%

I'm a woman, and they're hilarious

72%

107 votes

I'm a man, and they're disgusting

7%

11 votes

I'm a woman, and they're disgusting

10%

$DonkeyStyle \o/$ 15 votes

what the hell's a fart?

3%

5 votes

I'm a man and I just don't find them funny

4%

6 votes

I'm a woman and I just don't find them funny

2%

3 votes

0

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#2 08-08-2007 10:54pm

Nailz

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
Oh what a classy thread by the Bollox!

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#3 08-08-2007 10:54pm

The_B_Man

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
funny when a man does them. not so funny when a woman does them.

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#4 08-08-2007 10:56pm

The Bollox

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
we'll have no sexism here

*cough* chauvinist *paaaaaarp* *snigger*

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#5 08-08-2007 10:58pm

[Deleted User]
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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
I've just thought of the toilet scene in dumb and dumber. Best fart scene ever:D

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#6 08-08-2007 11:01pm

Nailz

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
I agree with nialler there, the toilet scene in Dumb & Dumber was classic!

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#7 08-08-2007 11:05pm

galwayrush

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
I am an expert Fart Producer.

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#8 08-08-2007 11:12pm

Dave!

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
On several occassions I have broken out in hysterical laughter whilst sitting on the toilet in a public jax, because of the sound of my arse.

They're hilarious. That's all there is to it.

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#9 08-08-2007 11:16pm

admiralofthefleet

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
i think they are hilarious and healthy
take a look at this from blazing saddles and say they arent funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs

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#10 08-08-2007 11:18pm

MooseJam

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
nothing like crop dusting in the office, farts are gas lol that cracks me up, I love cracking one off , farts are nature's sense of humour

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#11 08-08-2007 11:19pm

[Deleted User]
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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
I could kick myself for not remembering Blazing Saddles. Awesome:D

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#12 08-08-2007 11:24pm

admiralofthefleet

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious

MooseJam wrote:

nothing like crop dusting in the office

have you tried the dutch oven or the wizard with the missus, makes them appreciate you more:)

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#13 08-08-2007 11:25pm

Mr. CooL ICE

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
Theyre hilarious, apart from some sunday mornings where the beer-induced farts bring more pain than laughter

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#14 08-08-2007 11:26pm

MooseJam

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admiralofthefleet wrote:

have you tried the dutch oven or the wizard with the missus, makes them appreciate you more:)

I know the dutch oven but I'm not aware of the wizard, please tell

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#15 08-08-2007 11:32pm

admiralofthefleet

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious

MooseJam wrote:

I know the dutch oven but I'm not aware of the wizard, please tell

the wizard is where you waft the duvet like a wizard wafts/opens his cape whilst turning around very quickly, think when ganondorf turned to link in the ocarina of time and wafted his cape and said 'i command you to give it to me'

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#16 08-08-2007 11:44pm

UnReg123

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I'm a man, and they're disgusting
i think they're hilarious!!! (and i'm a girl! )

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#17 08-08-2007 11:48pm

admiralofthefleet

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
see you over here

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#18 09-08-2007 12:02am

Dev 17

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I'm a woman, and they're disgusting
I'm a man and they're disgusting. It's more the smell of them than the noise.
Don't mind my own, but other peoples are minging.

Dev

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#19 09-08-2007 12:10am

thebaz

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has anyone heard a good looking woman fart publicly ??

0
#20 09-08-2007 12:20am

Fremen

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Whenever I eat chicken jalfrezi from a certain indian takeaway, I spend about half the next day farting. The weird thing is, I actually kind of like the smell of these farts.
I have long suspected that I am, in fact, a big weirdo.

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#21 09-08-2007 1:39am

intheknow

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Fremen wrote:

Whenever I eat chicken jalfrezi from a certain indian takeaway, I spend about half the next day farting. The weird thing is, I actually kind of like the smell of these farts.
I have long suspected that I am, in fact, a big weirdo.

I used to like the smell of ****e in the old lion house in Dublin Zoo, Think that makes me a bigger weirdo than you !

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#22 09-08-2007 7:40am

Reku

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I'm a woman, and they're disgusting
Male and they're disgusting, wonder if excessive flatulence should be punishable by spacesuiting (make them endure their own whiff in an environment such that they alone will suffer the odours).

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#23 09-08-2007 8:23am

The Bollox

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious

The_B_Man wrote:

funny when a man does them. not so funny when a woman does them.

ok ok. lets say, for example, one day you are out in a supermarket and see a girl in a skirt a little up the aisle. she bends down to fetch something off the bottom shelf and cuts the cheese. not a loud fart, a little parpy one, making her skirt ruffle a little. are you telling me you wouldn't find that hilarious? that would wouldn't have to fight back laughter which would make her, if possibe, more embarrased than she already feels?

ps. I am delighted to see no wimmins find them disgusting

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#24 09-08-2007 8:28am

AlmightyCushion

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
I let rip a fair few this morning on the dart. Nothing noisey but they were smelly b@stards none the less.

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#25 09-08-2007 8:32am

Duggy747

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The Bollox wrote:

ok ok. lets say, for example, one day you are out in a supermarket and see a girl in a skirt a little up the aisle. she bends down to fetch something off the bottom shelf and cuts the cheese. not a loud fart, a little parpy one, making her skirt ruffle a little. are you telling me you wouldn't find that hilarious? that would wouldn't have to fight back laughter which would make her, if possibe, more embarrased than she already feels?

Well, if the fart smelled like a dead rat then I wouldn't find it funny. I don't really find other people's farts funny, the smell of my friend's one's have scarred me and burned my nostril hairs off!

However, I love making dirty, rancid ones myself. I specialise in fierce bubbly ones that horrify people into thinking I cacked myself, a John Wayne walk afterwards is vital to confirm their idea and truly disgust them.

But there's something evil about farts on a Sunday morning, terrifying stuff to think you can produce something white-hot and smell that bad!!

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#26 09-08-2007 8:35am

The Bollox

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I mean your initial reaction. it would take a good few seconds for any smell tom waft your way

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#27 09-08-2007 8:42am

nice1franko

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
A few months ago I lit one on fire infront of my brothers and da and my da disowned me. He reckons I'm a "vulgar gurrier" but my bro's think I'm a legend. It's caused a bit of a rift in the family cos when my ma heard about it she thought was pretty funny too which disgusted my da even more.

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#28 09-08-2007 8:44am

jor el

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
The sound can be hilarious, even more so if it's in a public place and the farter gets embarrassed. The smell is a different story though. Can be a fun way to clear a room though.

Best situation of all though is to fart in a lift, just as you're getting out, leaving others behind. That's a classic.

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#29 09-08-2007 8:46am

The Bollox

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious

jor el wrote:

The sound can be hilarious, even more so if it's in a public place and the farter gets embarrassed. The smell is a different story though. Can be a fun way to clear a room though.

Best situation of all though is to fart in a lift, just as you're getting out, leaving others behind. That's a classic.

lol, that reminds me of the Terry Tate: Office Lineback ad they had going for a while

*SMACK* YOU CAN'T CUT THE CHEESE WHENEVER YOU PLEASE! OWWWW!

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#30 09-08-2007 8:50am

Pighead

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Of course fartings funny. Farting in a pub guarantees enetertainment. If you're out with a big gang and somebody lets go a silent stinker people automatically become amused and giggly. The whole affair turns into a game of Cluedo with people trying to work out who the offender was.

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#31 09-08-2007 8:57am

cance

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious

AlmightyCushion wrote:

I let rip a fair few this morning on the dart. Nothing noisey but they were smelly b@stards none the less.

You sire are the reason i started taking the bus and walking!

its always sooo funny when you do it, but its rancid when someone does it to you, packed dart, no where to go and the unhygenic smell of shíte and digested cabage lingering around you and sticking to your every inch of exposed skin.

/full body shudder

In a previous job the lads used to wander up to a random desk and start chatting with the occupant, drop one then wander off. they called it office wars...

cant beat leaving one in hte lift tho, its a timeless classic.

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#32 09-08-2007 9:00am

The Bollox

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cance wrote:

In a previous job the lads used to wander up to a random desk and start chatting with the occupant, drop one then wander off. they called it orifice wars...

better name

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#33 09-08-2007 9:01am

jobonar

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious

Duggy747 wrote:

Well, if the fart smelled like a dead rat then I wouldn't find it funny. I don't really find other people's farts funny, the smell of my friend's one's have scarred me and burned my nostril hairs off!

However, I love making dirty, rancid ones myself. I specialise in fierce bubbly ones that horrify people into thinking I cacked myself, a John Wayne walk afterwards is vital to confirm their idea and truly disgust them.

But there's something evil about farts on a Sunday morning, terrifying stuff to think you can produce something white-hot and smell that bad!!

I no how ya feel! 1 of my mates can easily clear a room in seconds. a dead rat is nothing compared to the smell he creates...

We were in my house 1 day watching tv and my sister opened the door to be greeted by his potent odur (i was opening windows at the time), she pops her head in and back out twice as fast.... i dont think she's been in the same room as him since, dont blame her either.

i'm becoming more and more convinced there is actually something medically wrong with him cos i dont believe a healthy person should be able to make that kind of smell!

never the less its funny after the smell has gone away but ya feel like killing him when ya realise what he's done AGAIN

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#34 09-08-2007 9:04am

AlmightyCushion

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cance wrote:

In a previous job the lads used to wander up to a random desk and start chatting with the occupant, drop one then wander off. they called it office wars...

cant beat leaving one in hte lift tho, its a timeless classic.

Use to do that as well.

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#35 09-08-2007 9:21am

Archeron

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Car based ones are one of the more horrible. A mate of mine once let one in my (2 door) car while driving around howth head. I actually had to pull over and get out of the car because I really thought I was gonna puke. The two people in the back weren't impressed either, because I didnt pull the lever forward to let them out, and they were green by the time they got air.

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#36 09-08-2007 9:31am

Duggy747

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
I can't help but laugh incessantly when I disgust a group of people with a sizzler. Of course, I never own up to it and blame someone else, adds an extra dimension of entertainment to the fart.

There was one week where for some reason my ass died and my farts smelled like my rotting flesh was vaporising. I managed to clear EVERYONE (including the staff) away from the bar at my local pub and still got away with it, turning my back on one of my friends and pointing the finger at him . Seriously though, that was the only time I've been disgusted by my own farts.

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#37 09-08-2007 9:36am

The Bollox

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
if ever I let a truely horrid fart I have no choice but to own up to it. I'll be giggling to myself too much to attempt to deny it

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#38 09-08-2007 10:04am

philstar

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tlgjYbw77M

enjoy:D

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#39 09-08-2007 10:09am

Duggy747

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Check this out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x02TejnWvBU

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#40 09-08-2007 10:09am

The Bollox

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX6_SI32S9s

lol

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#41 09-08-2007 10:17am

matt-dublin

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
crackers lads, and there's nothing better than opening a few beers and letting a few rip...

few cans of dutch's finest and it's like someone opened a valve inside of me...

I can proclaim to have litten a few as well, and once lost all the hair on my arse due to a bubbly sizzler quite similar to the pigs one in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZZv5Z2Iz_s

i also have had the pleasant experience of making two people vomit on seperate ocassions due to smells left in the crapper the next morning, 1 was guiness initiated, the other was heineken! - My claim to fame...

I'm quite proud of the fact that my vicious ass odur can be so bad that it forces people to purge the contents of their stomach!

And does anyone else think they're infectious, like if a m8 starts to do them, suddenly you get the urge?

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#42 09-08-2007 10:25am

Duggy747

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
This is why you should never get a friend to help you light your farts!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjQ-TGIyIlg

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#43 09-08-2007 10:33am

Red Alert

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I'm a woman, and they're disgusting
they're yucky and disgusting

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#44 09-08-2007 10:57am

Duggy747

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
But go great with powdered toast!!

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#45 09-08-2007 3:56pm

b_beep

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I'm a man, and they're disgusting
There is no funnier sight than a lit fart. must be one of the reasons fire was invented...cant think of any better entertainment for when we were back living in caves

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#46 09-08-2007 4:44pm

tech77

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Deleted User wrote:

I've just thought of the toilet scene in dumb and dumber. Best fart scene ever:D

+1

Jeff daniels expressions are priceless in it.

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#47 09-08-2007 5:09pm

MooseJam

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
I cup my farts whenever I have the opportunity

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#48 09-08-2007 8:40pm

Heisenberg.

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This post has been deleted.

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#49 09-08-2007 9:45pm

philstar

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
its actually one of the things that would turn me off a woman -> farting, esp if she did it in front of other people

yes i'm a hypocrite i know

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#50 09-08-2007 10:19pm

MooseJam

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philstar wrote:

its actually one of the things that would turn me off a woman -> farting, esp if she did it in front of other people

yes i'm a hypocrite i know

I bet you're not into panty sniffing either so

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#51 10-08-2007 10:18am

The Bollox

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I'm a woman, and they're hilarious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7v_WqvHxYk

the masters

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farts

farts 147 votes

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