Where would you build your evil headquarters?

Archeron · 24-08-2007 12:23PM #1

So you wake up tomorrow morning, and discover that not only are you an evil arch villain, but you also rule the whole of Ireland with a big iron fist.
No self respecting evil overlord is complete without some sort of giant evil headquarters from which to launch their flying monkey servants, so what would you build, and where?

I think I'd probably pick the hill of Tara, because you have such a good view of the surrounding area and would be able to brace yourself for any attacks from pitchfork wielding peasants. (not to mention the really handy motorway access

) and as for the building itself, probably something like this below, but obviously painted black and with windows that glow red at night.

It even has the right type of towers in which to imprison princess'es (princessi? pincessum?) til they agree to marry me. Perfect!

meglome · 24-08-2007 12:26PM

Oh I'd wall myself into the Pale to keep the country folk out. Then point in a really superior type of way from the walls.

I'm not so sure i'd be good at this overlording malarkey.

AlmightyCushion · 24-08-2007 12:27PM

I 'd build a giant sky scraper, ten times bigger than the biggest sky scraper to date and I'd build it slap bang in the middle of Sligo (for added hilarity). There would be a massive gong outside, so massice the sound can be heard for miles. And when that gong is banged, two giant fire breathing dragons would fly out of the top of the tower and attack the innocent people below.

jester77 · 24-08-2007 12:29PM

The island in Limerick, no one would come in there and mess with me!

Dyr · 24-08-2007 12:30PM

Remember those old missile silos that were up for sale in the states??..perfect evil lairs *sigh*

I'd probably have to use st james as my evil lair, residing in that aero bar up in the tower.

Huggles · 24-08-2007 12:32PM

Archeron wrote:

So you wake up tomorrow morning, and discover that not only are you an evil arch villain, but you also rule the whole of Ireland with a big iron fist.
No self respecting evil overlord is complete without some sort of giant evil headquarters from which to launch their flying monkey servants, so what would you build, and where?

I think I'd probably pick the hill of Tara, because you have such a good view of the surrounding area and would be able to brace yourself for any attacks from pitchfork wielding peasants. (not to mention the really handy motorway access ) and as for the building itself, probably something like this below, but obviously painted black and with windows that glow red at night.

It even has the right type of towers in which to imprison princess'es (princessi? pincessum?) til they agree to marry me. Perfect!

I was in your evil castle on my holidays many moons ago!

Great castle!

Plissken1 · 24-08-2007 12:34PM

I would put it in Dublin, along with some decent nightclubs, bars and restaurants. Maybe then it would be worth while going out in this boring city.

kmick · 24-08-2007 12:34PM

Under the sea.

User45701 · 24-08-2007 12:37PM

Well i wouldent post something like that, but it is a large area, barley used, zero prospect for housing river, clifs ect and one small cottage (protected building)

to me its the perfect location, you could go to the bottom of the clif and start building there then just fill it in and you have a sub-teranian complex.

Spud83 · 24-08-2007 12:37PM

Craggy Island.

User45701 · 24-08-2007 12:53PM

problem with a island will be 1/2 your budget will have to be spent on advanced sonar and radar ect, if you have a section of land sealed off its so much easyer afew pressure sensitive mats and lasrer detection grids is VERY VERY cheap compared to running a island based operation

LillyVanilli · 24-08-2007 12:54PM

Archeron wrote:

So you wake up tomorrow morning, and discover that not only are you an evil arch villain, but you also rule the whole of Ireland with a big iron fist.

Thats mad, that happened to me this morning! Ive started building my castle already..

Robbo · 24-08-2007 01:00PM

Inishvickillane, the island Charlie Haughey owned. It has "previous" when it comes to evil plots and extortion. You can't argue with history.

jobonar · 24-08-2007 01:02PM

The Spire! city centre location, nice and big and nobody pays any attention to it..... Perfect!

Steez · 24-08-2007 01:06PM

Bambi wrote:

Remember those old missile silos that were up for sale in the states??..perfect evil lairs *sigh*

Defo, those things were massive. Shotgun the first one that comes up for sale.

connundrum · 24-08-2007 01:07PM

AlmightyCushion wrote:

I 'd build a giant sky scraper, ten times bigger than the biggest sky scraper to date and I'd build it slap bang in the middle of Sligo (for added hilarity). There would be a massive gong outside, so massice the sound can be heard for miles. And when that gong is banged, two giant fire breathing dragons would fly out of the top of the tower and attack the innocent people below.

Sky scrapers have a tendency to attract pesky planes

I'd set it up in my gaf, becuase for some unknown reason - no one comes to bother me there. No charities, no junk mail, the postman rarely visits, the tv inspector has yet to rear his ugly head... ideal location for a '$1,000,000' plot

AlmightyCushion · 24-08-2007 01:10PM

connundrum wrote:

Sky scrapers have a tendency to attract pesky planes

The dragons will sort them out.

The Bollox · 24-08-2007 01:12PM

on YORE MA!

*walks away*

Dyr · 24-08-2007 01:12PM

Steez wrote:

Defo, those things were massive. Shotgun the first one that comes up for sale.

Take yer pick!

http://www.missilebases.com/

Caliden · 24-08-2007 01:14PM

Can't believe nobody has said a Volcanno Island yet?

BKtje · 24-08-2007 01:17PM

Middle of the red cow roundabout. The Roma proved how hard it is to move anyone from there so with my extra defences i'm sure people wouldnt bother trying to overthrow me

Spud83 · 24-08-2007 01:18PM

Caliden wrote:

Can't believe nobody has said a Volcanno Island yet?

Too obvious thats the first place people would look for the HQ of an evil empire.

Heisenberg. · 24-08-2007 01:22PM

This post has been deleted.

JIZZLORD · 24-08-2007 01:27PM

i'd go stalin style and build a city beneath a city, he apparently had a huge complex built when he was building the moscow metro, complete with a secret metro deep beneath the regular metro.

seamus · 24-08-2007 01:33PM

Bray Head. When waging war on the world, it's imperative that you make your base huge, obvious, unsheltered, on some remote edge of the country, and absolutely impossible to get your troops in and out of.

Duggy747 · 24-08-2007 01:46PM

Well, budget pending, I'd build my HQ in the ol' Mosney district. I'd rename it Valley of Doom so as to keep any nosey old hags from wandering in. Then I'd develop some sort of synthetic cloud above the building that would create thunder & lightning on-demand for that dramatic effect! A massive U.S.S.R. missile in my underground facility has to be a must! I don't care if it's just a hollow shell, again, it's for dramatic effect!

I'll need some goons to operate my pointless underground facility as well so PM me your C.V and I'll get back to you.

Requirements:
A Criminal Record is desirable.
Greasy, slicked-back hair and a stuble is also a must.
Must be built like a mega, fúck-ton house. (Knowledge of Kung-Fu is an advantage)
2 - 3 years experience in a previous evil organisation.
Must be willing to die a horrible death if a British spy breaches security.
Operation of firearms and melee weapons is a must.
Knowledge of Win 2000 / XP / 2003 operating systems is a plus.
Full License required.

Tzetze · 24-08-2007 01:47PM

Under the North Pole. How dare those Russians plant a flag on my turf.
If the planning permission doesn't work out... Magheracloone.

Cuddlesworth · 24-08-2007 01:48PM

Above my pub, like all the other evil b*stards.

AlmightyCushion · 24-08-2007 01:52PM

Probably somewhere with generous tax breaks as I imagine it would be fairly expensive to build it. Preferably with high unemployment as well so it's easier to get the hired goons.

5uspect · 24-08-2007 01:52PM

I'd go with Shannon Airport, I hear they have a few free slots now so I can use that to ferry in my minions disguised as American soldiers...

Ishmael · 24-08-2007 01:57PM

kmick wrote:

Under the sea.

"Oh, that's your solution to everything-live under the sea!"

"Under the sea, under the sea"
"There'll be no accusations, just friendly crustacions"
"Under the sea!"

My evil castle would be on top of the Hill of Tara.

Archeron · 24-08-2007 02:04PM

Ishmael wrote:

My evil castle would be on top of the Hill of Tara.

Great, does that mean mine has to be a semi-detached evil castle?

I'm going to bang on the walls late at night just to annoy you.

Ruu_Old · 24-08-2007 02:08PM

Newgrange, make it into a giant pillbox.

Agamemnon · 24-08-2007 02:08PM

I'd build mine right in the middle of the Vatican and use the bishops and cardinals as slave labour. Then I'd brainwash them into becoming an army of suicide bombers.

watna · 24-08-2007 02:09PM

In me bed, so I'd never have to get up. My hired goons would bring me everything i need and do my dirty work. Quick questions... how would i be funding my lair? With organised crime i could buy a bigger and better bed!

AlmightyCushion · 24-08-2007 02:13PM

watna wrote:

In me bed, so I'd never have to get up. My hired goons would bring me everything i need and do my dirty work. Quick questions... how would i be funding my lair? With organised crime i could buy a bigger and better bed!

Through subscriptions just like how the admins are funding their evil plans for world domination. Ooops not meant to talk about that.

Steez · 24-08-2007 02:14PM

Bambi wrote:

Take yer pick!

http://www.missilebases.com/

:eek: Pass me a tissue

johnnyskeleton · 24-08-2007 02:16PM

Caves in Afghanistan seem to work pretty well for the comfort and safety of evil masterminds, but then again so do Pennsilvania Avenue Mansions.

Ultimately, I'd have to go with the top of a mountain in the Andes - that way the Spanish would never find me (they don't look up, you see).

Ishmael · 24-08-2007 02:22PM

Archeron wrote:

Great, does that mean mine has to be a semi-detached evil castle?

I'm going to bang on the walls late at night just to annoy you.

Heh heh, ok, But when the good guys come to save the day, i'll tell them that the guy they're looking for is in number 2 tara hill

Slow Motion · 24-08-2007 02:29PM

Mullingar !

No one would be able to find it and if they did they wouldn't want to go there !

simu · 24-08-2007 02:33PM

I'd do up an old Norman castle with lots of evil gadgets etc.

Slow Motion · 24-08-2007 02:52PM

simu wrote:

I'd do up an old Norman castle with lots of evil gadgets etc.

Old Norman might have something to say about that ! He may be old but he might still kick your a$$

tHE vAGGABOND · 24-08-2007 03:09PM

Hell Fire Club - Dublin..

If you get into bother, just walk around it backwards a few times saying the devils name and satan himself will come to your rescue

Mackleton · 24-08-2007 03:39PM

Cant believe no one has said Cliffs of Moher yet!

Absolutely ideal for perimeter defense backed by the sea. And theres the added bonus for my evil mastermind induction/coronation ceremony I could line up all the fcukers I dont like along the cliff and have my minions push my mobile throne up behind them so I can extend a leisurely kick to each and every one, watching them fall to an agonizing death below...
*Ahh, sighs longingly*

onechewy · 24-08-2007 03:52PM

I think I'd set up HQ in Stephen's Green Shopping Centre... the dome at the top is a perfectly good ready made observation tower, and one which would be perfect to launch flying monkeys from. I'd swap the regular shutter at the front entrance for a giant portculis though and have burning lanterns and impaled heads set up on either side for dramatic affect. The car parks would provide ample storage space for my army of evil robots and if evildom ever gets a bit much, I'd take five and pop over the road to the green and feed the ducks

Jesus Wept · 24-08-2007 03:53PM

Athlone.

Capt'n Midnight · 24-08-2007 08:09PM

Turlough Hill has some merits

AlmightyCushion · 24-08-2007 08:17PM

In the middle of the amazon rainforest for the sole intention of pissing off hippies.

Third_Echelon · 24-08-2007 08:19PM

Duggy747 wrote:

Well, budget pending, I'd build my HQ in the ol' Mosney district. I'd rename it Valley of Doom so as to keep any nosey old hags from wandering in. Then I'd develop some sort of synthetic cloud above the building that would create thunder & lightning on-demand for that dramatic effect! A massive U.S.S.R. missile in my underground facility has to be a must! I don't care if it's just a hollow shell, again, it's for dramatic effect!

I'll need some goons to operate my pointless underground facility as well so PM me your C.V and I'll get back to you.

Requirements:
A Criminal Record is desirable.
Greasy, slicked-back hair and a stuble is also a must.
Must be built like a mega, fúck-ton house. (Knowledge of Kung-Fu is an advantage)
2 - 3 years experience in a previous evil organisation.
Must be willing to die a horrible death if a British spy breaches security.
Operation of firearms and melee weapons is a must.
Knowledge of Win 2000 / XP / 2003 operating systems is a plus.
Full License required.

You should build your evil base in any of the following:

Da Blanch, Coolock, Ballymun, <insert other stereotypical northside suburb here>

Lots of unemployed goons with the above experience

<- exits left

Terry · 24-08-2007 08:24PM

Third_Echelon wrote:

You should build your evil base in any of the following:

Da Blanch, Coolock, Ballymun, <insert other stereotypical northside suburb here>

Lots of unemployed goons with the above experience

<- exits left

As opposed to the southside paradises that are Ballyer, Clondalkin (and surrounding townlands) and Tallaght (and surrounding townlands)?

Third_Echelon · 24-08-2007 08:40PM

Terry wrote:

As opposed to the southside paradises that are Ballyer, Clondalkin (and surrounding townlands) and Tallaght (and surrounding townlands)?

also quality locations for this purpose...

Where would you build your evil headquarters?

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